Thoughts on Sin (2011)

What is your definition of sin?

Mine, without getting too deep in thought or prose, was 'Something I did wrong that made God sad.' Sin is disobeying God.  Its doing what you weren't supposed to do, or, doing what you were told you

shouldn't do.  Many of us have a set of 'rules' in our minds that we follow - call them morals, your conscience, etc.  If we cross those boundaries, we feel guilty inside.  To me, crossing those boundaries equates to sinning.

But is it really sinning?  What does God define as sin?  I've had some challenging questions cross my mind on this lately, and I'll pass them on to you.

Sampson is a great hero of the Old Testament in the Bible.  Even before he was born, his parents knew he was going to be special. An angel visited them and commanded that he was to be raised a Nazarite.  Nazarites had even more stringent rules to follow that the Israelites.  They weren't allowed to cut their hair, eat or drink anything that came from a vine, and they had to avoid contact with dead bodies - in addition to all the other rules found in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy!  Nazarites were hard-core!  This is the way Sampson grew up.

The interesting thing is, the very first thing that Sampson does as he begins his exploits is take a Philistine wife.  This was a definite no-no according to God's law.  Yet Judges says in 14:4 that "Sampson's father and mother didn't realize that the Lord was behind the request, for God was setting a trap for the Philistines, who at that time were the rulers of Israel."

Interesting.

Sampson was certainly no shining example of how to live a life for God. Looking at the account of his life in Judges, one could easily conclude that he violated his Nazarite vow and God's laws on a number of occasions, was controlled by sensuality, and used his gifts and abilities unwisely.  Yet, in the faith chapter in Hebrews 11, Sampson is called one who "...trusted in God and ...received what God had promised."  So how do I reconcile the things he did during his life with his calling, and what I find in Hebrews 11?  How come God's opinion of Sampson (I would say that is what we find in Hebrews) is what it is?

Continuing to ponder...

Another example.  We all know a lot about the story of David, so I won't go into it in detail.  But consider what David does when he's chased by Saul.  In 1 Samuel 21, David goes to the city of Nob to see Ahimelech, the priest. David lied when the priest asked about why David was there, and then David took the Bread of the Presence for his men to eat.  This was consecrated bread which only priests were supposed to eat.  Technically two sins: the lie, and taking/eating the bread.

Curiously, Jesus used this story about David as an example when his disciples were accused of breaking the law (sinning) because they were picking grain on a holy day, the Sabbath.  Madeline L'Engle in her book Sold Into Egypt, made a comment referencing this circumstance, which in turn, served as the catalyst for the compilation of thoughts in this post.  She said, "Jesus was sinless not because he didn't do wrong things:  he broke the law, picking corn, for instance, on the Sabbath."  L'Engle goes on to say, "Jesus was sinless because He never for a moment separated from the Source."

There is an interesting verse in Paul's book to the Romans.  He makes quite a simple statement actually, saying (14:23) '..whatever is done without faith is sin.'  So if I truly believe I should do something, I'm all good.  But believing isn't enough.  I actually need to DO it.  James 4:17 says: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."  Its a faith/conscience mindset as well as trying to stay in constant contact (communion) with God.  I have to trust that His Spirit of Truth will lead me into all truth.  Trust that God will continue to hold me in His hands even when I make inadvertent blunders that others could consider 'sin.'

I sometimes seem to ignore/tolerate certain 'wrong things' like lying, and eating bread you weren't supposed to.  A discussion like this maybe isn't such a big deal.  Change the context of the conversation a bit, and suddenly this discussion takes on a whole new perspective....

What about abortion?   What about gay marriage?  Do people choose to do these things even when they know they are wrong?  Is it still wrong when they believe its the right thing and they don't know any different?  Am I sinning by judging them?

Honestly, I haven't thought all that through.   Its definitely good food for thought.  There's a lot I haven't covered here.  Wrapping it up, Paul says in Romans "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  That includes me.  I need to receive AND extend God's grace and forgiveness.  And I need to trust that He will show me the things He wants me to do, and the things He wants me NOT to do....  and then be obedient.  Easier said than done sometimes.

My Struggle With The Sovereignty of God (2006)

Maybe when you were growing up, you played with a game called a Labyrinth.  It had a steel ball

that you had to navigate through a maze by means of two dials on the sides of the game.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the steel ball and I don't know where I'm going in life or what I'm doing here.  When I get really frustrated or 'lost' in a sense at a dead-end, I find I often start to blame God.  'Why do other people seem to have it so easy, God....  Why do I feel like I'm stuck in this set of circumstances and I can't get out.. serving you sure makes my life a lot more difficult'  etc.

God speaks to people with attitudes like this in a couple of books in the bible.  Its interesting too, because both texts begin with the same example from Genesis - 'Jacob I loved, Esau I hated.'  Romans starts like this in chapter 9, and it goes on to say in the living translation..  'And God said this before the children were even born, before they had done anything either good or bad.  This proves that God was doing what he had decided from the beginning; it was not because of what the children did but because of what God wanted and chose.'

Whoa.  Is that fair?  Sounds almost like pre-destination to me.

Listen to the writer continue in Romans... 'Was God being unfair?  Of course not.  For God has said to Moses, "If I want to be kind to someone, I will.  And I will take pity on anyone I want to."  And so God's blessings are not given just because someone decides to have them or works hard to get them.  They are given because God takes pity on those He wants to.'

Wow.  So then it seems like I could say that its not fair for God to blame me for the bad things I've done.  Haven't I just done what He made me do?

'No don't say that!' the writer in Romans says (chapter 9 verse 20).  'What are you to criticize God?  Should the thing made say to the one who made it, "Why have you made me like this?"  When a man mades a jar out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar beautiful, to be used for holding flowers, and another to throw garbage into?'

Ouch.  I pondered this a bit more, taking this train of thought...  'Well its easy for God to write in the bible like that.  With the exception of a prophet or two in the old testament, most of the characters in the Bible had happy endings to their stories.  They turned out to be heroes, or God blessed them in some way or another.  So really, the Bible is about people who God had pity on and decided to turn into beautiful flower vases.'

Then God reminded me of a book I had read some time ago by Gene Edwards called 'The Prisoner in

the Third Cell'.  The main character is John the Baptist.  He was definitely chosen by God, but his life was no walk in the park.  He grew up in the desert, and knowing that he was called by God he stayed in the desert, restricting his diet to nothing I would eat.  Then he began his ministry, preaching and baptizing, knowing that he was preparing the way for 'the bridegroom'.  Once Jesus came on the scene, it wasn't too long before John was thrown in prison.  And there he gets one of his disciples to ask Jesus a telling question.  'Are you really the Messiah?  Or shall we keep looking for him." Jesus doesn't try answer John personally.  He says, in not so many words - look at what I'm doing - and finishes his answer with 'Blessed is the one who does not lose faith in me.'  A few days later, John was beheaded.

The Sovereignty of God.  We certainly don't sing about it much in church.  Its not really a message that gives me the warm fuzzies.

Malachi was the other book in the bible that talks about God's sovereignty, also starting with Jacob and Esau.  Chapter 3 ends with some poignant thoughts that seem to echo the thoughts I hear sometimes in my head.  'It is foolish to worship God and obey him.  What good does it do to obey his laws, and to sorrow and mourn for our sins?  For  now on, as far as we're concerned, "Blessed are the arrogant."  For those who do evil shall proper, and those who dare God to punish them shall get off scot-free.'

Of course, the book doesn't end that way.  But sometimes it seems like some days of our lives do end like that.  And you know what?  Be Encouraged!  Even if you do have days that end with thoughts going through your head similar to the audience that Malachi was writing to, at the end of it all, 'The Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings.'  I also take encouragement from a verse Romans 'It God's kindness that leads us to repentance'.  It gives me a reason as to why people who don't currently acknowledge God seem to have it so good.  And finally, keep the faith.  Don't let your current trials push you away from God.  Remember the seed that fell on the good soil, and then let the worries and cares and trials of this life (the weeds) choke it.  Romans chapter 9 ends with a reminder that the Jews 'stumbled over the great stumbling stone.'  And what was that?  'They were trying to be saved by keeping the law and being good instead of by depending on faith ... Those who believe in Jesus will never be disappointed'.

The Omniscience Paradox (Journal Entry Dec 2018)

Bear with me - I'm going to write down all my questions BEFORE I google and try and find the answer, as I think my current lack of an answer helps me write the questions better.

I've been struggling with my faith a bit lately - asking more difficult questions.  At least they are more difficult for me.  I only have one year of bible college and I've never taken a hard-core theology or philosophy course in my life, so keep that in mind and humour me.  Here's an example of one of the 'questions' I struggle with.  I call it the 'Omniscience Paradox.'  I'll need to frame it with a bit of a story to help you understand where I'm coming from....

My daughter is spending this Christmas break with her fiance in Cincinnati, OH.  She had a bit of a cold before she left, so we were a bit concerned as we had to get up at 5am for her first flight and she'd be 'on the road' for about 12 hours.  Originally she was going to stay with friends, but a couple of days ago they discovered that the room she was going to stay in was infested with bedbugs, so that wasn't an option.  Christmas holidays being what they are (family time, etc.) her Mom and I felt most comfortable renting her a self contained Airbnb apartment for her time there.  This put us out a fair bit of cash, but as any parent knows, you can't put a price on things like your daughter's safety and well-being.

Imagine then our disappointment when after travelling for 12 hours, our daughter gets to the

apartment to discover the landlord has just shampooed the floor and furniture that morning (less than 12 hours before, and the carpet and furniture are still damp and there's heavy condensation on the windows.  Sure, its nice that they cleaned everything so thoroughly, but since she has a cold, we're concerned about her well-being.

As a parent, I'm tempted to send a message to the landlord and say something like: "What were you guys thinking?!  She comes to this after 12 hours of travelling and what? Is she supposed to rent a room for the first night or two while everything dries out?  If she catches pneumonia, this won't be the last you'll hear of me!"  My ultimate problem in this scenario?  I'm not in control and I don't know what is going to happen.  The future is unknown to me.  My daughter's well-being is at stake.  I'm up at 3am writing this because I was concerned thinking about her and realized I need to trust God in this situation.  I have to exercising faith and hope that everything is in His hands, praying that His kingdom will come and His will will be done in and through this situation.

Here's where the 'omniscience paradox' comes in.

As Christians we believe that God is omniscient (all-knowing), and omnipotent (all-powerful). I guess my question, in a nutshell is this:  Is ALL of God omniscient and omnipotent, or does He withhold a part of Himself from being omniscient and omnipotent?  Here's where that question comes from....

If I was God and omniscient and omnipotent and my daughter was in this situation, I wouldn't be worried or concerned for a couple of reasons:  I'd know exactly what the future holds, and frankly it wouldn't be an issue because if there was a problem I'd just fix it because I'm all powerful.

The 'omniscience paradox' in my mind - Does God really know what 'faith' and 'hope' are if He's omniscient?  If He's omniscient and omnipotent, why does he need faith or hope?  Everything is already known and available to Him.  To me, that's a paradox.  One cannot be omniscient AND know (experientially) what faith or hope is at the same time.... can they?

* * * * *

Before I google and see what other people have to say about this (as I'm sure someone else has thought about it before), I have a couple of thoughts on an answer....

1. Originally I considered that perhaps Jesus was the 'part of God' where God allows Himself to be not fully omniscient or omnipotent, so that he could say he's 'acquainted with our griefs and sorrows.'  I can't quite grasp how He can fully understand how we feel when He already knows the outcome to everything.  The Bible says a couple of interesting things that seem to point in different directions here:  Col. 2:10 "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in bodily form", and then what Jesus said himself in Matt. 24:36, Jesus talking, said "But that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels, nor the Son, but only the Father."  So... perhaps Jesus is the part of the Trinity that isn't fully omniscient?  
2. I wonder if one of the reasons God wanted to create us (as humans) was so He could experience faith and hope.  Because He's given us free will, He has to 'hope' that we'll all return to Him in the end, and have faith in us believers that we'll do His work until then....?

Having said all of that, ultimately the theology and philosophy are secondary to me.  In my mind, experience trumps both of those.  My daughter had an experience yesterday while travelling that makes it all worthwhile....

She was very nervous about travelling because she gets bad vertigo and on the last trip to Cincinnati there was a fair bit of turbulence.  She was a bit 'undone' the night before the flight - concerned about flying, the connection (it wasn't a direct flight), not feeling 100%, etc.  So we all prayed together about the trip.  As it turned out, she really enjoyed the trip, talking with people, and there was no turbulence.  On the second flight she got a whole row of seats to herself and other than feeling tired, she felt quite well once the trip was complete.  We all saw this as God's answer to prayer.

May 24 - God is My Portion

I never really gave this phrase much thought.   I don't remember how it bubbled up recently in my thinking - either a youtube video I watched or a sermon I heard at church.  Its been sticking in my mind for the past 10 days or so now.

Lamentations 3:24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul.  "Therefore I will have hope in Him."

Somehow this took on a new meaning for me -

• Anytime I feel like someone else got encouraged and I didn't - will I listen for God's encouragement?  Is He my portion?
• When I feel like I'm missing a nice vacation or sabbatical - is God's rest enough for me?  Is He my portion?
• When I see others promoted or get a fortunate break - will I trust in God's provision?  Is He my portion?
• When I feel like I'm lacking in motivation and purposeful work - will I believe that God made me for His pleasure?  Is He my portion?

Psalm 73:26 says "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

Its been a good lesson and exercise for me this last few weeks.  I'm keeping a 'mental eye' on my thoughts, and when they start to get negative, I draw myself back to these verses and the idea that God is my all in all, my portion.  

God help me realize the aspect of Your character that I need to fill my life at that moment when I feel lack.

April 22, 2018 - God, Change and Me

God's character doesn't change.   He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Something I realize though, is that our actions dictate - to some degree - how God acts toward us.  Examples?

• Abraham interceding with God over Sodom and Gomorrah.
• God's covenant to David (his house will reign forever)
• Jeremiah at the potter's house and the nation of Israel

In all of these situations, there was an agreement involved.  People needed to act thusly and a certainly response was warranted.  If they didn't, God said he would respond a different way.  Its not that God 'changes His mind.'  

In the past couple of days I felt like God was speaking to me about the last two examples above.  I didn't (and I'm not sure I still) understand the context behind why God is highlighting these examples for me right now.  Originally I was thinking 'maybe, now that I'm more on a right track with my relationship with Him, things will change for me for the better.'  I'm not yet convinced of that, and consequently I remain hesitant and uncertain about why God is pointing these verses out to me.

Why am I not yet convinced?  Why am I uncertain?  Simply - stuff happens that makes me wonder or doubt that 'the good option' might be the case.  Case in point?  I read about David and Solomon and the covenant that God put in place for them this morning, and I wondered why this idea of 'God seemingly changing His mind' was coming up again.  While I was pondering this and getting ready, the thought came 'perhaps its meant in a good way?  Things will change for the better?'  I thought 'Cool!  I'll take that!'

I was on for playing acoustic guitar and church today and I played and worshipped my heart out.  I felt like my monitor was low, and asked for it to be turned up.  In the end, I was told that I had been accidentally muted.  Groan.  I wasn't originally scheduled to play this week.  I had been asked to rescheduled so that we could have a full band for the first day our new worship pastor was in church.  But then, why play if I'm muted?  lol   I get it - mistakes happen.  But man, sometimes it can be frustrating, and it DOES make me wonder what God is up to...

April 20th, Being A Witness Part II

Two Opportunities

Interesting that my last post was about learning how to naturally talk about God with people who don't know Him...  Out of the blue, twice in one day I had an opportunity to be a witness for God and felt like I missed both opportunities.

First, one of the Quality Assurance team leads at work started a conversation with me by my desk.  We talked about our plans for the next year or so and what our kids were doing since they are around the same ages.  It turned out that her oldest daughter goes to school where our church meets on Sundays (our church meets in their school gym).  We talked about the church for a bit and it was a pristine opportunity for me to invite her out to church, but I didn't.  Arg.

My second opportunity came when my recruiter took me out to lunch.  It was the first time I had an opportunity to really chat with her one on one.  For a millennial, she was much more forthright and honest about where she was at in life than I thought she'd be.  I was surprised.

At one point in the conversation we talked about how life is a bit of a rat race.  How it would be nice to find a work/life balance so that one could travel if and when they wanted to and not have to worry about bills or finding a job when they get back.  This made me think of the book The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris - so I recommended it to her.

Later though, given the different directions the conversation took, I found myself thinking that I'm a pretty good evangelist for certain ideas (and books), but I'm a pretty big chicken when it comes to sharing what I believe.  Sigh.

This is all frustrating in a way, and certainly leaves me with questions.  I want to be sensitive and not be 'fanatical' about my faith, and yet I also want to be naturally enthusiastic about it.  Something tells me that I still haven't yet experienced God's love in a way that makes me want to be that kind of 'natural enthusiast' about God.  There's something to hope for, shoot for, look forward to.

I've been going over that second opportunity in my mind for the last 24 hours.  In a situation like that, I need to share what my experience was when I didn't have purpose and meaning in my life, and how God changed that.  I shouldn't be saying 'you need to try this!'  Rather, 'here's what I found!'  And then think 'How can I share with this person's open heart so that if I never got an opportunity to talk to this person again I'd feel good about how things were left?

Would you agree?

April 15, 2018 Being a Witness

For some reason in the last week, off and on, the word I keep getting from God is about 'being a witness'.  Chapter 37 in Purpose Driven Life talks about this about, and I like what Rick W. says.  Being a witness is simply, naturally, saying what happened to me.  Sharing my experience with God.  That shouldn't be so difficult.

My wife and I started watching an interesting detective show in PBS - Unforgotten.  I'm amazed at how they can take one crime story and turn the investigation into a 6 part, 12 hour mini-series.  After watching the second episode this evening, I rather enjoying it and was curious if anyone at work is watching it as well.  More to the point - I had a natural desire to about what I enjoyed and experienced with others about this show....  Why isn't it quite the same with God and church?  Why is it so easy for me to 'be a witness' about a well written TV show than it is to be a witness for God?

I think my faith and perspective factor into these questions.  Do I really believe, all the time, everyday, in what I say that God is doing for me?  Am I letting/allowing God make a positive impact on my life, daily?  If I'm not mixing faith and a heavenly perspective with events that happen in my life on a daily basis, I'm losing out on seeing and believe God work in my life, and consequently on opportunities to naturally be a witness.

What a struggle.  Independence and self-sufficiency is so ingrained in me.  'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.'  The verse seems appropriate to this train of thought I'm on.  I've really got to do every bit of that verse better, more often.

April 7, 2018 Heart Attack!

A week ago today, my Dad had a significant heart attack.  He went out to shovel snow early in the morning (yes we still have snow here at this time, this year), but he didn't even finish as he wasn't feeling well and having a hard time breathing. He went inside and tried to relax, but the breathing and the pain issues wouldn't go away so he had my Mom call 911.  EMS took him to the hospital where they discovered that he had a 100% blockage to the right main heart artery.  They immediately put a stent in, and - the real miracle - he walked out of the hospital at noon the next day!

My Dad has been in pretty good shape all his life.  We were talking about how he hasn't had a full physical since.. well.. he can't remember when.  The navy,  50 years ago?  It was a long time.  After he retired, his diet got progressively worse, and he exercised less.  Still, this was a BIG surprise for him.

Heart Problems

I've been thinking off and on lately about the message in Revelation to the Church in Ephesus - 'You've lost your first love.'  Or, in another translation, 'You lost the love you had at first.'  They had a heart issue, and God was calling them out.  The Ephesians were doing everything right: persevering, doing good deeds, working hard, not tolerating wicked people, and enduring hardships for Jesus.  Yet He had this one concern - they had lost the love they had for Him at first. 

Weeds & Neglect

Where do most heart problems come from?  I'm no expert, but after reading Rick W's Daily Hope entry for today, neglect is probably one huge factor in developing heart problems - either physical or spiritual.  For my Dad, neglecting a consistent physical checkup, his diet, and the amount of exercise he was getting probably contributed to what happened last week.  Spiritually, Rick compared this to letting weeds grow around you.  Rick says 'You don’t have to cultivate weeds. They grow automatically, don’t they? In fact, weeds are a sign of neglect. If you see weeds in your yard or garden, it means you’re not tending it. The weeds in your spiritual life reveal that you’re neglecting time with God.' 

It makes me stop and think:  What is consuming my thoughts?  Am I constantly thinking about finances, or worried and anxious about things that don't really matter?  Is my life just too busy with 'things'?  Perhaps they are even good things, but are they what God wants for me today?  Did I take time to stop and listen to Him today?

Time for a Check Up?

That scripture in Revelation about the Church in Ephesus has always bugged me a bit.  How do I know if I've left my 'first love'?

Giving this some thought, three questions come to mind that help me do a 'check up' and see the state of my heart... or how my garden looks:

• What am I thinking?   Someone, somewhere recently made a reference to this passage and laid it out this way for me...  What are you constantly conscious of in your mind?  Or, what does you mind always return to?  This cleared things up for me, somewhat.  At least now I don't feel condemned every time I read this passage.
• Am I taking time to rest & listen?  Kind of the opposite of exercise, I know.  I guess I could consider this exercising my relationship with God, and what better discipline could I be doing?  If I'm stressed and uptight about things, my mind and my attitude isn't going to be in a good spot for listening & resting.  I need to 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication make my requests known to God, so that He can guard my heart in mind.'  A bit of a paraphrase, but makes total sense to me.
• What kind of fruit is my life exhibiting?  Am I stressed?  How am I dealing with people around me?  Am I laughing a lot, or am I short tempered - leaving disharmony, distress, and hurt people in my wake?

A Purpose Driven Life - Chapter 15

A Purpose Driven Life Chapter 15 - Part of God's Family

Chapter Overview:  Rick talks about how we are adopted onto God's family and what that means for us.  We belong. We have an inheritance. God is our daddy and everything is his. He talked about what baptism means in this context.  

2011 (40 years old) 

I had am interesting dream last night. It was the first night I've slept through in a long time. First we had David and Dana P. (from Texas) visiting us and there was water in the basement - but that seemed ok as we also had heat elements in the basement floor and we were cooking sausages for supper. Then we were on a bus with a bunch of people in the mountains and I kept telling the bus driver to go faster and he did. It was rather fun. Then he drove onto the ocean by Vancouver with waves and big rock cliffs. The bus floated and the bus driver loved it because he had never seen the sea before. Then we were eating at a restaurant in Vancouver and watching these divers. They were doing these tricks where they'd do a jump that looked like a dive but they'd land on another board and jump on that one too. It was pretty cool looking. We had a large tab at the restaurant but that was ok.  

The point of it all was 'this is kind of what it's like' to love and enjoy life without fear. It was a most excellent feeling. We (I) live so much always considering the consequence of my decisions. This wasn't like that at all. There wasn't really a fear of anything. I wondered if there was supposed to be a correlation there to what it is supposed to be like as a child of God.

Thinking a bit about what it means to walk with God in confidence - that's totally some thing I can not do  I think those passages in Ephesians 1 and Colossians 1 are key to being able to do this.  Being able to walk in the wisdom of God and know what His good and perfect will is. Can you know and walk in confidence of that knowledge?  George Hill certainly seemed to be able to.

2016 (45 years old)

How can I start treating other believers like members of my own family?  Make them feel like they belong. Accept them.  Smile.  Remember, they might be intimidated by me as much as I feel intimidated by some of them.

For background on what these 'Purpose Driven Life' posts are about, click this link.

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 1 - Its Not About Me

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 2 - You Are Not an Accident

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 3 - What Drives You?

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 4 - Eternity In Our Hearts

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 5 - What is Life?

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 6 - Life on Earth is a Temporary Assignment

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 7 - The Reason for Everything

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 8 - You Were Planned for God's Pleasure

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 9 - What Makes God Smile?

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 10 - The Surrendered Life

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 11 - Friend of God

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 12 - Friend of God II

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 13 - Worship That Pleases God

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 14 - When God Isn't There

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 16 - What Matters Most

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 17 - You Belong

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 18 - Life is Meant to be Shared

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 19 - Made for Community

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 20 - Restoring Broken Fellowship

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 21 - Unity of the Church

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 22 - Transformed to be Like Christ

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 23 - Transformed by Thought

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 24 - Transformed By Truth

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 25 - Transformed by Trouble

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 26 - Transformed by Temptation

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 27 - Defeating Temptation

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 28 - It Takes Time

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 29 - Shaped for Serving God

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 30 - Our Place in Serving

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 31 - Finding Your Specific Purpose

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 32 - Using What God Gave You

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 33 - How Real Servants Act

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 34 - Thinking Like a Servant

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 35 - God Uses Our Weaknesses

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 36 - You Were Made for a Mission

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 37 - Sharing Your Life Message

My Appendix to Chapter 37

My Testimony Based on Chapter 37

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 38 - Becoming a World-Class Christian

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 39 - Balance

Purpose Driven Life Chapter 40 - Living With Purpose

My First 'Real' Journal Entry March 18, 1990

Journal - March 18, 1990   No Compromise (Keith Green)

I just finished reading Keith Green's biography, No Compromise, and I'm touched.  He was definitely used of God.

In reading the book I cannot help but wonder what God's plan for my life is.  There is talk of a trip to Europe next year with Floyd, Warren, and Andrew (friends from college).  What of that?  Or even what I'm going to do for work this summer.  Or even for the rest of this semester.  It seems whenever I'm touched by who the Lord is or what the Lord has done in somebody's life, I don't know what I'm to do anymore.  There was no real sense of calling in me being here (at Bible college).  I was too lazy to go anywhere else.  (this is the truth).  Nothing special has happened to me this year BUT maybe that's because I haven't done anything special for the Lord.  I keep on finding I'm too far too selfish in all my motives.  Everything I do is for a better me.  I need God's help to get me out of this jam.  But I can't get His help unless I have a good relationship with Him and right now I know him the least of anybody on this campus.

Why am I here?  Where am I going?

California was an interesting experience for me spiritually.  (A group of us from college took reading break and drove down the west coast to LA).  Ups and downs like you wouldn't believe.  Also going home to Ken and Mariella's wedding (friends from my home town) was the same way.  Especially at Kelly's (friend from high school).  I've got to live with No Compromise.

I often wonder at times why I can't think of things.  I used to be so smart.  Now there are times when I can't keep one thought straight in my head.  Often, I find its the same way with my Christian walk.  I can't keep one belief or doctrine straight in my head, and too lazy to look it up and find the answer so I ignore it as if it wasn't there, it seems.

Here I am writing this while I have a 8-10 page Historical Liturature paper due last Friday that I haven't even started yet.  I know I suffer the consequences if I'm late (which I am) but I'm glad I'm not (low?) enough to ask for extensions.  At least I have something straight in my life.  And I never realized it before.  I actually have values I didn't even know were there.

One thing that always bothered me is that I thought I was special.  That one day I'd become a star or some whiz kid who had all the answers.  I didn't and I'm not.  At first I just thought I was special, then after I knew more, I thought God had a special calling on my life, mainly because of all the talents and attributes he has given me.  I don't know anymore...  I've never really been inspired to write the words to a song and finish them.  My 4-track song recordings bore people.  They don't see what I see in it.  It also seems I can't relate to a Christian crowd like I can relate to a secular crowd.  Maybe because I was selfish? Gnosticism?

The thing is, there doesn't seem to be much time left, the prophesies of Daniel and Revelation are being fulfilled dramatically and promptly and I'm nowhere yet.  I wonder if there's time.  And if there isn't then why am I wasting time in college and not on the streets or in missions?  You don't need to go to Bible School to be a missionary.

***

Thoughts on this entry almost 30 years later...
I can always tell when I've watched a great new moving and read a fantastic book that's had a big impact on me because it leaves me unsettled with where I am in life currently.  For many years, that unsettled feeling concerned me.  I would wonder 'Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?', or 'Did I miss God's perfect will for my life?'

I'll have future journal entry posts that will talk more about this.  Suffice for now to say that I've come to a point where I've realized that God is much bigger than I thought back then.  His grace covers much more than I realized.  Resting in His grace (like Keith discovered later in the book) is a good thing, on many levels.

The last couple lines in this entry were definitely looking forward and feeling something different and new - this was the beginning of a change in direction for me.  I didn't realize it until a few months later.

Thoughts on David

In early February 2011 or 2012, I was drawn to read about David, and his life and times in the Bible.  I'm trying to remember why, but I can't right now, so it mustn't be that important.

What has been sticking in my head as I was reading psalms that he wrote, and different things that happened to him is:

What made him different?

How did he get to know God the way that he did?  What influenced him as a shepherd boy to stand up to Goliath the way that he did?  Remember, he didn't have the whole Bible to read like we did.  I wonder if he even had access to a Book of the Law to refer to when he came home from looking after the sheep.

Where did he get the inspiration to write some of the psalms the way that he did?  If I were to write about my relationship with God, what would it read like?

What kind of person goes after a lion or a bear and takes away its food?  Living close to the mountains here in Calgary, we are often told to stay as far away as possible from a bear with fresh kill.  David doesn't use his slingshot.  He 'seizes' the animal by its 'beard' and strikes it and kills it.

Where did David get the idea that God isn't  interested in sacrifices as much as He is interested in broken and contrite hearts?

What did David see in God's word (what there was of it then) that made him pen the longest psalm in the Bible about it?  Is there something he saw in Deuteronomy, Numbers, and Leviticus that I haven't seen?