Humble Pie - Trusting God's Plan

The Chosen

My wife and I have been watching The Chosen series for the second time now, and quite enjoying it.  Something that has struck both of us is the struggle that Peter, Nicodemus and Judas all have in coming to terms with who Jesus is and what that means to them.  Their preconceived ideas about Jesus' life and ministry causes each of them to wrestle...

• Peter, seeing so many healings happen, and yet confronting a personal loss where he perhaps felt entitlement to a miracle and didn't receive it;
• Judas, being good with numbers, people, and business, and yet confounded by what he considers a shocking lack of fiscal and political strategy in Jesus' choices; 
• Nicodemus, with high social, religious, and educational status, also being frustrated with where Jesus' ministry is heading

Watching them grapple with these issues got me thinking about my own struggles with humbly trusting God's purpose and plan in my life.

A Young Musician

I grew up in a small community with a small high school 120km from the closest city of 60,000 people.  This did not afford me with a great sense of perspective.  I played the piano for my church every week, and on certain special occasions I was asked to play the drums for our school ensembles as I was more proficient at certain beats than most people there.  Young and rather isolated, I got it into my head that I was 'the best young musician around.'  

Of course, being a teenager doesn't help.  There were many over-steps, words too quickly spoken, and big-headed thoughts entertained.  I remember being asked to leave my seat as a trombone player and cover the drums for a band festival/competition.  I was pretty proud of being asked, and pride comes before the fall.  In the middle of playing our song in the band competition, I dropped a drum stick.  I was the only drummer, and so I had to cover with the stick I still held while reaching down to pick up the stick a dropped - a situation the didn't go unnoticed by pretty much everyone.  Then later the next week I relived the experience as our band listened to the recording and adjudication of our playing, we all heard my stick clatter and bounce on the cement floor - my mistake saved for posterity! 

Several years later, with a bit more experience under my belt, I began to realize how many fantastic drummers there are - much better than me!  Talk about perspective shock.

Pride versus Humility

I struggled a lot with understanding what 'pride' and 'humility' were growing up.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Definitions are one thing, but practically knowing when I'd crossed the line into becoming prideful in a situation I often found (and still find) elusive.  I spent a lot of time examining my motives for things that I did.  I discovered in that learning journey that I could be 'falsely humble.'  Argh!

Over the years, I've come to understand there are certain thoughts I can have that are 'tells' that I might be struggling with pride in a situation.  They follow along these lines:

• I'm entitled to...something (attention, respect, an opinion, a raise/reward, being heard, etc.)
• I deserve...something (love, notice, a lot of the same things above, etc.)
• Compared to someone, I'm.... something (better, faster, more patient, more loving, more humble, etc.)

Through my mid-life decades, I wrestled with what I thought was God's call for my life, versus my actual career....  It was a persistent, nagging question:  God, is this really your plan for my life?  I'd often second-guess that where I was in my career was where God wanted me to be.  

As I got older, God helped me gain more perspective on my place in the world and a variety of other things.  I realized through several more 'lessons' that keeping a sober assessment of myself close by was healthy.  I started to rest and trust God more in the path in life he has given me. 

More Recently....

For the last 18 months or so, I feel like God's working on me in a different way - doing a bit of a make over.  Through a couple of different circumstances of life, mostly out of my control, I've been having to 'let go.'  Talents, relationships, and abilities that I (perhaps) have put too much 'trust' in are being taken away, called into question, or rendered obsolete.  It feels at times like I'm being 'unbuilt.'

When I consider this, a picture that comes into my mind is from C.S Lewis' novel The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  Specifically chapter 6, entitled 'The Adventures of Eustace.'  Up to that point in the book, he was jerk and uncomfortable with everyone.  Through a set of circumstances in this chapter he's turned into a dragon.  He then goes through a painful cleansing process of tearing the dragon skin off (unbuilding, to me) to become his 'real' self. 

Eustace the dragon crying tears of remorse

Maybe (likely) I'm being over dramatic.  :-)  I don't know where these changes are heading in my life - perhaps its a delayed mid-life crisis or a transition to the next phase of my life.  It definitely feels like there is a reconstruction/renovation happening, and its not super comfortable.  Like Peter, Judas, and Nicodemus I'm... perplexed with what appears to be happening.  But I want to trust that God knows what he's doing, and surrender to these changes.

Sober but Encouraging Thoughts 

I've had a good bit of time to consider this 'humble pie' that it feels like God is baking in me.   Some thought 'ingredients' that have been encouraging me on the way:

• Receiving God's Love.  I've been wondering - is there a correlation between humility and the ability to receive God's love? Consider the situation in Luke 7:36-50.  The pharisee Simon is contrasted with the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair. Who felt (received) more love?  The one who was forgiven more... (the one who had a humbler heart)
• God is my portion.  When everything else is stripped off (like the dragon) - all my 'good works': my career, my family, my reputation, ministry, volunteering, writing - are refined in God's purifying fire, can I be content, and satisfied that He alone is all I need?  Psalm 16:5, Lamentations 3:24
• Job's story - Though he slay me, yet will I trust him.  Job 13:15.  Most people know Job's story.
• Jeremiah's story - Our pastor preached a great sermon on the book of Jeremiah.  In it he asks 'How did Jeremiah manage to persist in following God's call for his life when it meant Jeremiah's life and ministry would appear to have no tangible legacy or value?'  The three response points our pastor made in answering this question were:
• Jeremiah trusted that God had Jeremiah's best interests at heart.  Jeremiah 29:11
• Jeremiah was continually honest with God about how he felt.  Jeremiah 20:9 and the book of Lamentations
• Jeremiah rested in the sovereignty of God.  Lamentations 3:22-23
• The attitude and posture of a child.  They are open, humble, unassuming, trusting, unpretentious.  Jesus said, 'I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.'
• James chapter 4.  If 1 Corinthians 13 is the 'love chapter' in the Bible, James 4 is the 'humility chapter' in my opinion.

Sins of Omission

Sins of Omission

What is a sin of omission?  Simply, its not not doing something we know (or believe) we should have done.  James 4:17 says: "Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin."  Jesus calls us to a higher way of living.  I was reminded of this today by the 'Our Daily Bread' devotion I'll talk about more below....

Courageous in Love 

The Feb 22/2026 devotion in Our Daily Bread talks about a racial bullying situation at a school in North Carolina, and how one fellow felt he should support a new student to the school, but he did nothing.  This bothered him for decades and he eventually reached out to that student, 49 years later, to ask for forgiveness.  This fellow realized in the end, showing love and support for another human being isn't just about being brave;  its about making a choice to live like Jesus.

Reading about this immediately brought to my mind a similar situation I saw growing up.  I was between 8-9 years old, and our family had just moved to a new subdivision in town.  We caught the bus to school every day, and within the first week it was painfully obvious there was a brother and sister at our bus stop who were mercilessly bullied by kids there who were older and larger than all of us.

Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

I distinctly remember the bus dropping us off after school one day, and watching the two of them run home crying and in fear because these heartless big bullies were again being mean, yelling, and throwing rocks at them.  

I didn't know what to do in that situation at that time.  I certainly could have stuck up for them, or told these bullies to stop.  It seemed better, however, to keep my head low and not 'rock the boat' as it were.  Self-preservation at the expense of my conscience.  I know now because I'm still bothered by that memory today.

SM + SM - if you are out there reading this today:  I'm so sorry and I apologize for not sticking up for you.  Will you please forgive me?  God, I pray that you would forgive me as well, and help me to be more courageous in love for others.

Persistent in Prayer

Another potential sin of omission I've been thinking about lately comes from the story of the prophet Samuel.  At the end of his life, he gives a farewell address to the people of Israel who he's been called to serve.  He says something quite interesting at the end of this address:  

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.

1 Samuel 12:23

This raises the question: "Who am I spiritually responsible to pray for?"  Samuel, in the context above, felt responsible for the people of Israel before God, and correspondingly felt it his duty to pray for them.

As a Dad, I feel spiritually responsible to pray for my family.  I try to do this consistently, and include the people in my circle of influence, but I am not as faithful in this as I'd like to be.  

Oh God, I pray for you forgiveness in area this as well.

Interestingly, Paul takes this idea a bit further, exhorting believers to 'pray at all times, with all kinds of prayer for all the saints.'  Ephesians 6:18.  Personally, I view this (at this point in my life) as an encouragement, rather than a command.  I find it very difficult given the different responsibilities I have during my workday to see how I can possibly accomplish praying 'at all times, with all kinds of prayer for all the saints' as a command.  

Daniel is the example I try to follow here.  He similarly had an 'outside' job that required him to think and attend to things besides prayer during his workday.  But he set aside time for prayer as well.

The Lord's Prayer - On earth as it is in heaven

Intro...

For the last year or two, I've been trying to pattern my morning prayers after the Lord's Prayer.  I find that the structure allows me to be more consistent (if sometimes somewhat repetitive at times) in the discipline of prayer.  I've realized that there's nothing wrong with being consistent and somewhat repetitive.  Jesus related in his parable about the persistent widow who kept asking for the same thing over and over until she got it.  Here's a link to previous posts about this: 

Part 1 - Our Father...  
Part 2 - Your kingdom come, Your will be done... 
Part 3 - On earth as it is in heaven.... is below
Part 4 - Give us this day...
Part 5 - Forgive us our sins...  
Part 6 - Lead us not... But deliver us...

I had been stalled for some time writing this post (like almost a year).  Originally I was going to write a bit about what happened in the books of Job and Daniel.  In the book of Job, we see a discussion in heaven having a pretty significant influence in the life of Job on the earth.  Job is unaware of what happened in heaven to precipitate his situation on earth.  Daniel does a lot of praying throughout the course of the book that bears his name.  He gets insight into why some of his prayers aren't answered immediately, which is eye opening (in a sense, pun not originally intended) as that insight wouldn't 'normally' be seen.

Seeing what isn't seen, hearing what isn't spoken

A couple of questions come to my mind when I think about '...on earth as it is in heaven':

• How do I know what is going on in heaven?  
• Do I need to know what is going on in heaven?

Thinking about all of this (for some time), two verses came to mind:

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Cor 4:18 (frankly that whole chapter)

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9 (and that whole chapter too)

Considering these scriptures, I ask myself how I can be involved in God's kingdom coming and His will being done in this here and now.  It seems to me I need to try and remember to ask God to help me see what isn't seen, and hear was isn't spoken.  To see and hear 'beyond', if that makes sense.

Mary

As I'm writing this today its Dec 26, just after Christmas, so the Christmas story/history is still on my mind.  One person that get's 'passed over' in considering their influence on the whole 'on earth as it is in heaven' equation is Mary, the mother of Jesus.  Without her, Jesus doesn't get born, and God's kingdom doesn't come here on the earth.  There is not a lot said about her in the Bible.  However, her attitude and response to the angel when she's told the news of how she's going to become Jesus' Mom is telling...

Mary said, “I am the Lord’s servant, and I am willing to do whatever he wants. May everything you said come true.” And then the angel disappeared.  Luke 1:38

Having a baby without yet being married was going to put her in a very awkward situation - with her family, and with her future husband.  She does not mention any of these concerns to the angel.  As a young female in that culture, she wouldn't have had easy access to scripture or biblical/theological training.  Yet somehow, she managed to cultivate an attitude that God found very favourable.  That attitude of humility, meekness, and submission to God and his plan is clearly evident in her response above.

Image by Catherine Stockinger from Pixabay 
A lamb - meek and humble

Submit Yourselves to God....

This train of thought reminds me of a significant omission I had been making recently in remembering a scripture.  I ask God to help me be conscious of His presence throughout my day, and I had included the verse from James, 'Resist the devil and he will flee.  Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.'  After several months of this, I got a reminder (indirectly from a friend's post on instagram - thanks @paulmoores) that the full verse is 'Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.'  James 4:7-8.  The Message put it another way:

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him make himself scarce. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time.

Dear God, please help me to humbly make myself available to do Your will.

The Names of God - 'God of all Comfort'

The God of All Comfort

Why am I writing about the names of God? 
When Jesus told his disciples that he was leaving this earth, they were dismayed.  He responded by saying that God would send the Holy Spirit (translated from Greek paraklētos comforter). John 14:26.

The Apostle Paul wrote about this in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Ewa (my wife) had both of her parents pass away in 2024, a little over 6 months apart.  They were married for 62 years!  We were able to make it to Poland for her Mom's funeral in the spring.  However, we couldn't make it to her Dad's funeral in the fall.  After their passing, she felt God comforting her through several experiences...  

Google Maps!?

Two days after Ewa's Dad passed away, Ewa was thoughtfully browsing through the streets of her parents' home town in Poland on Google Maps.  As she was exploring and reminiscing, zooming in and out of street shots - surprise!!  She discovered that the Google Map Car had caught her and her Mom out walking together, close to the centre of town!  Apparently, the last time that Google had been through the town was fall 2013, the same year she was there visiting her parents while her father was recovering from a significant stroke.  This was a very special discovery for Ewa - a snapshot of her and her Mom on a walk-about that she wasn't aware had happened.  She saw it as a wink for God, and it truly comforted her.

Ewa is in the pink jacket and blue jeans.  
Her mom is in the beige coat walking beside her to her right.
Notice how their strides and posture are very similar and in-synch.

The Winter Coat

While at the cemetery for Ewa's Mom's funeral in the spring, Ewa twisted her knee.  It ended up bothering her for the rest of the year.  Ewa knew she needed a new, good quality, long-length winter coat that would keep her knees warm, since we try to daily walk around the community for exercise and fresh air.  As fall turned into winter, she kept her eyes peeled in the stores for a coat that would meet those requirements.

One morning after wrapping up shopping at Costco, Ewa felt God nudge her to go look in Winners to see what they had for winter coats.  There, she almost immediately discovered the staff had just put out some new ladies winter coats, and there was a bright yellow one that ticked all the checkboxes for a reasonable price.  Ewa grabbed it and took it to the front to pay.  There, the manager saw her and the coat and said "you're getting a fantastic deal on that coat - I actually wanted it."  Ewa was intrigued, so when she got home, she looked it up, and discovered that the coat was a very high-end brand (Rudsak) and she paid less than 10% of what it was worth.  Every time we go for walk now, she exclaims "I love this coat - it was God's provision for me!"  Its like a warm, comfort hug from God with every winter walk.

The Ocean Breeze

Summer of 2025 found us in Campbell River, BC.  We were there for the impending arrival of our first grandchild.  Because babies arrive on their own time, our stay there was rather extended.  As a result, we got to spend a fair bit of time enjoying the beach while we waited for the 'special day.'  Most of our beach time was at Saratoga beach, as it was a 10 minute drive from where we were staying.  I would finish work and we'd jump in the car and head there.  Once there, I'd go for a run before joining Ewa on the beach for a walk.  My regular running route was from Saratoga beach to Miracle beach and back.  After doing this a few times, I suggested to Ewa we try exploring Miracle beach instead, since it was an 'official' Provincial park, unlike Saratoga beach.  

Red dotted lines are the trails.

Miracle beach had lots of beach when the tide was out, but not much beach when the tide was in.  However, it did have a very nice trail/path system through the park to allow visitors to explore the coastal forest and nearby estuary.  The first time arriving there with Ewa, the tide was coming in and not a lot of the beach was left, so we decided to explore the paths.  We followed a very well engineered path parallel to the beach heading towards the estuary.  About halfway there, Ewa stopped, took a deep breath in, and said:
"I'm having a flash-back.  The smells here - the ocean mixed with this evergreen forest is taking me back to vacations I took with my family in Poland.  Its SO vivid!  Its like I was there yesterday!  This is amazing!!"

When she was growing up, her family would go to the Baltic sea for a couple weeks every year.  This was sponsored by her Mom's mining company as a health benefit to get away from the dust of the mine.  They would spend all their time on the beach, or walking in the forest beside it breathing the air.

Ewa felt this moment was special - a memory from God.  It brought all the good memories back for her, and gave her a warm, cozy feeling of being close with her parents again.  She tangibly felt and smelled God's comfort that day.

The ground covered with moss beside the trail at Miracle Beach

Here we are by the trail's end at the estuary at the north end of Miracle Beach Provincial Park

Other Names of God and Our Experiences...

• El Roi - God Sees
• Jehovah Shalom - God My Peace
• Elohim Shomri - God My Protection
• Jehovah Jireh - God My Provider
• Emmanuel - God With Us
• Jehovah Rapha - God our Healer

Imposter Syndrome

Some History

 In 2001, I did a pretty significant career change.  I went from a printing pressman to working in Information Technology.  It was not a smooth transition, for a variety of reasons (some of which you can read about in more detail on this past post of mine).  One of things that made it challenging for me is that the vast majority of the people working in IT have some kind of university degree.  I don't.  I went through a 'fast-paced' 9 month training transition.  In my first few years as a Java Developer, I was painfully aware of significant gaps in my IT education.  This led me to feeling like a bit of an 'imposter developer' every time I started a new job or contract.

Some of the IT books I've continued to learn from.

Recent Challenges

Fast forward 20 years, and I found myself invited onto a small team of senior developers by a vice-president in the company I was working for.  We were tasked with building a new platform for one of the company's main software products, used by construction and architectural customers around the globe.  We were trying to do 'bleeding edge' work - getting software and infrastructure to run on systems that were documented as 'supported' (read: it 'should' work), but not many people had successfully implemented 'in the wild'.  The guys on our team were really smart, and I consistently felt  insecure with my abilities and out of my comfort zone.  It was stressing me out as the only contractor on the team.

Encouragement

One day in the middle of this my wife and I were walking through Rona the hardware superstore. I shared my struggles, concerns, and insecurities at work with her, and basically broke down crying.  We prayed together about it later that day.  Several weeks afterwards, we were visiting some friends and I shared this struggle with them.  Randy, the husband about 15 years my senior, encouraged me.  He shared how he felt similar in some of his positions as the financial leader (CFO) at a couple of companies, but felt God tell him "I've placed you here in this position, for a reason.  If I put you here, know that I will support you with the expertise and answers you need to do good work here, and be a light for me."

I took this advice to heart.  In the following days and weeks I tried to remember that God placed me there, and that I needed to trust that he'd give me the answers, wisdom, and confidence I needed to do my job well.  You can see from this post that I had been thinking about my work struggles a lot :-)

Me and some colleagues at the 2025 Google Cloud Platform
conference in Las Vegas this spring

Further Up & Further In

Our team's 'proof of value' project for the new platform was successful, and we began to move live customers onto it.  God provided an opportunity for me to become a full-time employee at the company, which I accepted.  The following year, I receive a 'Founder's Award' from the company for 'Product Advancement' as well as a promotion to a manager position.  God is good and faithful!

In this new position, I continue to struggle with thoughts of insecurity and feeling like an imposter.  The team has grown and the customer base on the platform has grown as well with more than 200 customers running on it now.  God continues to teach me (almost on a daily basis) lessons of humility and trust as I help our team grow this platform.  There's lots of prayer and 'standing on the promises' in the Bible, like:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"

"He will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed up Him, because he trusts in Him"

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind"

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving, make your requests known to God; and the God of peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"

Bees and Wax - Vacation 2025

 Build Up

'In-ear' monitors (for musicians) and noise cancelling ear buds are great technology.  I was given a pair of JZ in-ear monitors for my volunteer work with BSC bands over the years, and got a free pair of noise cancelling Jabra ear-buds as an award from work.  I had been using the in-ear monitors for several years and used the ear-buds a lot when I travelled for work last year.  One downside to using these great appliances (can I call them that?) is apparently they don't allow one's ear canal to drain properly.  This turned into a problem for me this summer (2025).

Unbalanced Hearing

A day to two into our summer vacation on Vancouver Island, my right ear plugged and I couldn't get it unplugged.  A similar situation had happened to my son late last year, and he had successfully used Earol to clear the plug, so I went to the local pharmacy, bought some, and used it faithfully for several days.  It improved things for a while, but then not.  Around the middle of that first week, I went to a local medical clinic and asked if the doctor could flush my ear, but they weren't talking walk-ins, and advised me to keep 'oiling my ear'.  This whole time my hearing in my plugged right ear was 60-70% reduced, and definitely made it challenging to truly relax and enjoy my time off.  Don't get me wrong - it wasn't life threatening or anything like that - I was still going on 5km runs, doing lots of walking, and living life normally.  It was just annoying and distracting, particularly on vacation.

Going on an ocean walk in the rain with a plugged ear

Living on a Prayer

My wife could sense this issue was bothering me.  She wanted me to enjoy vacation too.  On Monday the next week, she prayed about it and felt I should go back to that medical clinic and ask if they could see me as a walk-in.  I told her I wasn't keen on doing that because I'd already been to that clinic, asking them about this and they said 'no' and directed me elsewhere (which unfortunately wasn't helping).  So she volunteered to go talk to them and told me to come with her.  I agreed, and she prayed again, and we went to the clinic.  She explained the whole situation to the ladies there again, and said we'd tried what they'd suggested to no avail.  Between my wife's persuasion and God's help, the ladies relented and organized an appointment for me (an out of province resident) later that afternoon.  Sure enough, at the appointment the doc flushed my ear and I could hear SO much better.  We were so happy!

A couple days later I gave the ladies a thank-you card and some flowers for accomodating us.

More Likely a Wasp...

Forgive me - I thought Bees and Wax made a better sounding title for this post.  The 'bad guy' in this part of the post was probably a wasp...

Right around that same time, we went on a short day trip to Quadra Island.  My wife likes driftwood, and I just like hanging out by the beach, and we both like walking and easy hikes.  Our first stop was the Cape Mudge Lighthouse.  There was a nice walk/hike we had done on a previous trip on the resort property near there that we wanted to do again, but unfortunately the resort was closed, so we ended up at the ocean by the lighthouse.  

Just a little bit of driftwood

The tide was out and it was a ways to the water, but the attraction here was the driftwood.  My wife and I poked around the driftwood for about 20 minutes until she suddenly exclaimed 'OW!  Perry!!  What is it?!  Get it off me!'  I missed it, but a wasp had gotten under her shirt and stung her.  We went back to the truck and found some 'sting first aid' in our first aid kit.

Help, One More Time

Days later, the area where she had gotten stung was still not looking or feeling great, particularly in the heat.  The closest pharmacy when this reach a point of 'we need to do something' was the one in Black Creek, in the same building as the medical centre I'd been to for my ear.

Upon seeing the affected area, the pharmacist was concerned - it could be infected.  However, she couldn't prescribe an antibiotic without a prescription from a doctor.  My wife glanced across the office at the doctor's reception desk and headed right over there.  It wasn't busy, and the ladies there had actually overheard her story, so upon hearing my wife's situation, they said, 'We gave your husband an appointment, its only fair if we give you one too!'

My wife got her prescription the next day after her appointment, and that helped clear it up!

Surely God is my help;  the Lord is the one who sustains me

Psalm 54:4

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The Lord's Prayer - Forgive us Our Sins...

Intro...

For the last year or two, I've been trying to pattern my morning prayers after the Lord's Prayer.  I find that the structure allows me to be more consistent (if sometimes somewhat repetitive at times) in the discipline of prayer.  I've realized that there's nothing wrong with being consistent and somewhat repetitive.  Jesus related in his parable about the persistent widow who kept asking for the same thing over and over until she got it.  Here's a link to previous posts about this: 

Part 1 - Our Father...  

Part 2 - Your kingdom come, Your will be done... 

Part 3 - On earth as it is in heaven. 

Part 4 - Give us this day...

Part 5 - Forgive us our sins...  is below

Part 6 - Lead us not... But deliver us...

Forgive Us Our Sins....

I'm always directed (in my heart and mind) back to Psalm 51 when I think about this phrase.  King David's plea to God for forgiveness after committing adultery with Bathsheba is remarkable in its depth of humility and contrition.  Some excerpts here from 'The Message' version (Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson) give an interesting, different perspective...

 God, make a fresh start in me,

    shape a Genesis creation week from the chaos of my life.

Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.

Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!

....

Going through the motions doesn’t please you,

    a flawless performance is nothing to you.

I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered.

Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.

Psalm 51:10-12, 16-17

As We Forgive Those...

In thinking about what to write for this blog post for the past few weeks, I've realized that I struggle with walking in forgiveness towards leaders in leadership at work, in government, or in church that do not appear to understand the burdens they place on me.  This leads to me becoming angry and frustrated, and I can end up stewing in this for far too long.  Some results of this are an inability to communicate effectively with them when I have an opportunity to get my point across, and a lack of empathy and compassion for what they themselves are dealing with.

Recognizing that this behaviour of mine needs to change, I wondered where it started in my life.  While I was brushing my teeth one evening, God began to align thoughts and recollections in my head...

In grades 3 and 4,  I was very keen and motivated to learn - I loved learning and school, and my parents encouraged me to do my best.  I had an intense, deep sense that it was my responsibility to learn, and I didn't want to let anyone down.  I'm not sure where those feelings came from or why I had them, but that was just me, then.  *shrug and smile*

Enter my teacher for those two years, Mr. H.  He was great in a lot of ways, and introduced us to many things that have formed and shaped me to this day.  Some examples:  He read two of the Chronicles of Narnia books to us; he played his oboe to us in class; and he had a passion for first nations history and art that I definitely assimilated.  However, he also had a method of keeping the class obedient and submissive that, given my intense desire to learn, broke my heart. 

Looking from the vantage point of 4 more decades of experience, his leadership behaviour was not all that abusive.  He did yell quite loud at times when he was frustrated.  But what really got me was this:  Whenever we started a new subject in class, he'd ask us to take those books out of desks to get prepared.  If we did this too loud, he'd tell us to put our books back in our desks and have us wait.  Each time this happened during a day, the wait would be longer... first 5 minutes.  Then 10 or so, but randomly longer.  There were some days where we did nothing - no school work at all - because we'd been talking too much in our transition between subjects.  I felt all this doing nothing was letting my family and myself down, because it was my responsibility to learn.  I had no control over how loud my classmates were.  I didn't feel I could talk to anyone about it.  I felt terrible, and quietly wept in class at my desk many times as we waited, adding embarrassment to my frustration.   I believe I've had trust issues with certain leadership/authority figures every since then, perhaps due to a lack of forgiveness and a 'bitter seed' of sorts that was planted in my heart at that time.

Considering forgiveness
Image by Pexels from Pixabay

A Prayer...

Oh God, help me to forgive my teacher and the students, and the leaders that I've had since then with whom I've felt awkward and suspicious.  They had no way to know what kind of impact these things would have on me.  Help me to learn to love them again, and view them with empathy and compassion for the situations they were/are dealing with.  Forgive me for harbouring bitter thoughts and blame against them.  Help me to trust you, and leave these situations, concerns, frustrations, and fallout in your capable hands.  Thank you, that you are more than able to restore and heal everyone concerned, and help us to receive your healing.

God's Paths - A Photo Essay

 I enjoy mountain biking and hiking.  Spring is a great time of year to get back outside to enjoy fresh air and nature doing these things.  There are many references to God's Paths in the bible, and I've ended thinking about a number of them this year while biking and hiking this spring.

Some thoughts about paths and their significance in the Bible (at least from my perspective):

• There's a limit to how fast I can go on a path.  This forces me to observe and appreciate the nature around me.  Even when I'm biking a path, I'm going fast enough to miss things.  Walking a path allows me to recognize and treasure the amazing detail, colour, and diversity in God's creation, right at my fingertips.  It also reminds me of God's speed - something rather foreign to our 'microwave' 21st century lifestyles.
• Paths have been well travelled by many before us.  They made the way smoother, straighter and removed obstructions for us.  The people who have gone before us have 'made a way' - a legacy of sorts.  Hebrews 11 really speaks this to me - particularly with the author's finishing thoughts in chapter 12 talking about 'strengthening weak arms and knees and making level paths for your feet'.
• Paths can afford us views of magnificent vistas, or they may go through places with valley walls or have turns that do not allows us to see very far ahead.  God knows and He sees.  Lets learn to trust Him on the path.
• Generally paths are single file, good for following someone.  This is very applicable given Jesus command to his disciples:  'Follow me'.  Sometimes that means we are led to places we're not comfortable: on the side of a steep hill, or into parts of town that don't seem safe.  God said He'd be with us there - an ever-present help in time of need.

Some pictures of paths I've been on along with some accompanying scripture (a photo essay of sorts):

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. Psalm 119:105
BeaverLodge Lands Park, Campbell River, British Columbia

Give careful thought to the paths for your feet
and be steadfast in all your ways. Proverbs 4:26
Glenbow Ranch, Cochrane, Alberta

God holds success in store for the upright,
He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones. 
Then you will understand what is right and just and fair -
every good path.  Proverbs 2:7-9
Nose Hill Park, Calgary, Alberta

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Psalm 25:4
Nose Hill Park, Calgary, Alberta

You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.  Psalm 16:11
Glenmore Reservoir Park, Calgary, Alberta

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.  Psalm 119:9
Nose Hill Park, Calgary, Alberta

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Psalm 25:4
Bowmont Park, Calgary, Alberta

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6
The Elms Path, Glogowek, Poland

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his namesake. Psalms 23:3
BeaverLodge Lands Park, Campbell River, British Columbia

You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.
Psalm 18:35-36
Banff National Park, Banff, Alberta

The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him.  Psalm 37:23
Nose Hill Park, Calgary, Alberta

This is what the Lord says:
“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls."
Jeremiah 6:16
Beddington Bluff, Calgary, Alberta

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
 Isaiah 55:8-9
SilverSprings Park, Calgary, Alberta

The Lord's Prayer - Lead Us Not.. Deliver Us from Evil

Intro..

For the last year or two, I've been trying to pattern my morning prayers after the Lord's Prayer.  I find that the structure allows me to be more consistent (if sometimes somewhat repetitive at times) in the discipline of prayer.  I've realized that there's nothing wrong with being consistent and somewhat repetitive.  Jesus related in his parable about the persistent widow who kept asking for the same thing over and over until she got it.  Here's a link to previous posts about this: 

Part 1 - Our Father...  

Part 2 - Your kingdom come, Your will be done... 

Part 3 - On earth as it is in heaven. 

Part 4 - Give us this day...

Part 5 - Forgive us our sins...

Part 6 - Lead us not... But deliver us...   Deliver Us from Evil is below.  I realize I'm skipping some sections making this one Part 3, but as you'll see below, my recent experience seemed to justify this.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

So where does God leads us then?  Would God lead us into temptation?  

I like to think of Psalm 23 to answer both of these questions.  It says as our shepherd, God leads us by still waters, and guides us in paths of righteousness, for His namesake (click on the links to read some posts I've done about those specific pieces of that Psalm).  

Interestingly though, the following phrase in Psalm 23 talks about 'walking through the valley of the shadow of death.'  If we're being guided on His paths, how do we end up in the valley of the shadow of death?  It seems His paths of righteousness sometimes head that direction...

Las Vegas - Google Next 2025

Last week (early April 2025) I was on a business trip to the Google Next 2025 conference which happened to be held in Las Vegas.  As I was praying in my mornings and evenings in the hotel there, this passage '...lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...' seemed very apropros.  Las Vegas - otherwise known as 'Sin City' is the place one supposedly goes to forget the responsibilities, disciplines, and proper conduct of true life.  Every hotel/resort (including the one we were put up in) close to the main drag had casinos, slot machines, entertainment, pools, and food establishments design for escape.  

Looking at a map of 'the strip', I was struck with its similarity to a spiritual 'valley of death.'  Everything is there on that valley of a road through the middle of Las Vegas, with 'hills' of hotels and casinos on each side, that will tempt you to some kind of literal or spiritual death.  

Deliver Us from Evil

Thankfully, our Good Shepherd doesn't leave us lost and alone in the Valley of the Shadow of Death.  The psalmist says that God is with us, there. 

- And because He is with us, we don't have to fear! 
    '...I will not fear for You are with me.  Your rod and staff comfort me.'  

- And He feeds and sustains us there!  

    'You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.'  

Jesus prayed for his followers in the Garden of Gethsemane in his last hours before his death.  This is one of the most detailed accounts of a prayer of Jesus.  Its interesting to see that one of the pivotal points of his prayer is John 17:15 'My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.'  Its a prayer I try and remember to pray for the people on my prayer list, and again, seemed very applicable for my stay in Las Vegas that week.

Snow Tubing and Desperate Prayer

What is Snow Tubing?

I grew up in a logging community, and it seemed like there was a surplus of large tire tubes - likely left-overs from the local skidders and logging trucks.  We'd use these tubes as sleds in the winter to slide down hills and take jumps.   For reference: the tubes we used were significantly larger than the red one in the picture below - more like 4-5 feet in diameter with a 2-3 feet whole in the middle.

Snow tubing with a store bought tube and a jump
at the bottom of the hill.
Image by hmschl from Pixabay

A Desperate Prayer

One winter evening when I was between 9-10 years old, kids from our church went to sled at a school (Dutch Lake Elementary School) nearby the church.  We brought various sized tubes with us, and the sledding conditions were fantastic.  The hill was similar in size to the picture above, and it also had a jump at the bottom. 

Everyone was seeing how much air they could get off that jump.  A quick observation showed that a lack of speed and tube size appeared to be the limiting factors in air-time and distance.  I decided to jump on the largest tube, face down and forward (for aerodynamics) to try and get maximum speed on my next downhill run.  Unfortunately, a number of other people thought this was a great idea and jumped on top of me.  As the tube picked up speed going down the hill, my back and body were stretched across the middle of the tube, holding the weight of everyone on top.  Dismayed and scared, adrenaline pumped through me as I realized the jeopardy I'd put myself into.  Speeding towards the jump, I wondered, 'Am I going to break my back when our airtime finishes and everyone lands on top of me??'  It was one of those moments of desperate prayer without much time to be eloquent: 'God, help!'

The tube flew off the jump, along with all of us.  We landed, a jumble of arms, bodies, and legs, and some of the people landed on me.  I had the wind knocked out of me, and it felt like my belly button touched my back bone, but otherwise I survived without a scratch.  Thank you, God!  He literally 'upheld me' that evening and protected me from serious injury.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”   
Isaiah 41:10

Click here for more true stories of God working in my life

Bearspaw Christian School

BCS and Our Kids

The spring that Kornelia was finishing grade 6 and Erik was finishing grade 2, we heard an advertisement for an 'open house for new students' for Bearspaw Christian School (BCS) on the local Christian radio station.  We thought we'd all go check it out.  On the way, the kids were 'meh' about this idea.  'Why do we have to go look at this school?'  On the way home later that evening though, they were very enthusiastic about the idea of attending there the following year.  So we enrolled them.

Looking back, this was a great experience for them.  They both graduated grade 12 from BCS.  Ewa and I as parents have no regrets we made this decision.  You can read some of their experiences in the following link:  Remembering the Kindness of God in Raising Our Kids

Volunteering

You have been treated generously, so live generously.  

Matthew 10:8b

Parents were required to volunteer some time at the school as part of the commitment in being involved.  For the last 6 years of their time there, I volunteered leading one of the four student worship bands.  This involved weekly practices with the band on Thursday afternoons, and then we'd lead worship for a school chapel once every 4 weeks or so.  I really enjoyed this experience.  I organized Christmas band parties for my team, and end of year picnics, and we lots of fun and interesting experiences in chapels.  

Setting up and sound check for our of our last chapels

Fun Experiences Volunteering

Here's some highlights of volunteering at BCS that I can share now since the students involved are adults:

• An acoustic worship chapel where we had set up an atmosphere like a campfire.  At the end we ramped up the intensity of the songs and everyone was dancing (400 students and teachers) singing Bethel's song 'I've got a River....'.  Looking back, the picture I have in my mind is students and teaching singing, smiling, and busting moves for God.  I was so wrapped up in leading/playing that I had literally strummed the guitar until my fingers bled, and it made a mess of the guitar.  It was definitely a day where God met us.  When I bump into people now who were there that day, they still say 'remember that one acoustic chapel..?'
•  One practice, I had no new songs for the band, but really wanted them to 'go deeper into true worship' with the songs we were playing.  I prayed about this, and God gave me the idea to turn the lights out while we practiced.  The kids knew the songs well enough to play them in the dark.  With the lights off, no one had to worry about what anyone else was doing, and we could really focus on the words we were singing and truly worship.  Again, this turned into a special time - God's presence was there.

Christmas Worship Band party - Using toilet paper
to decorate people like snowmen

The Lost Girl

At the end of my second last year volunteering, I organized a 'year-end worship team picnic' at a nice local park, on the edge of the Bow River.  We had done this the previous year and it was a hit with the kids, so we prepared for 'the sequel.'

The evening arrived and we all met around our designated spot and built a large campfire.  After cooking and eating some hotdogs and chips, we brought out our guitars and sang some worship songs.  Everyone seemed to be having a good time.  Unbeknownst to me, one of the girls had previously had an argument with her mom that day, and decided to 'show her!'  After we had sung some songs, the girl told me she had to leave for the bathroom and I said 'fine.'  But she never came back.  

'Has anyone seen <girl's name> lately?' I asked, getting concerned after what seemed an inordinate amount of time to be gone to the restroom.  No one had.  We started to look for her.  After some time doing this, we called her Mom, and then called the police, as it was getting late.  The police took the issue pretty seriously, and in a short while had 3-4 cruisers at the park AND the police helicopter involved.  By this time I was sweating bullets and doing a lot of earnest praying under my breath and with the family.  

With the police involved, we were drawing some attention from other people passing through the park, and they volunteered to help.  It was probably close to 10pm when one of these people - a fellow on a mountain bike - ended up seeing the girl walk out of the bush at the far end of the park.  He confirmed who she was and then beelined it back to us to inform us she was OK and on her way back.  WHAT A RELEIF!!

When she arrived, I think she was a bit shocked to discover the intensity of searching that had been going on for her, with the police presence and participation.  When everything wrapped up, and we learned that she was 'trying to teach her mom a lesson' (sigh, teenage girls), I drove home VERY thankful to God that she was fine and found.

 Click here for more true stories of God working in my life