Intro...
For the last year or two, I've been trying to pattern my morning prayers after the Lord's Prayer. I find that the structure allows me to be more consistent (if sometimes somewhat repetitive at times) in the discipline of prayer. I've realized that there's nothing wrong with being consistent and somewhat repetitive. Jesus related in his parable about the persistent widow who kept asking for the same thing over and over until she got it. Here's a link to previous posts about this:
Part 1 - Our Father...Part 3 - On earth as it is in heaven.
Part 4 - Give us this day...
Part 5 - Forgive us our sins... is below
Forgive Us Our Sins....
I'm always directed (in my heart and mind) back to Psalm 51 when I think about this phrase. King David's plea to God for forgiveness after committing adultery with Bathsheba is remarkable in its depth of humility and contrition. Some excerpts here from 'The Message' version (Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson) give an interesting, different perspective...
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis creation week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!
....
Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
Psalm 51:10-12, 16-17
As We Forgive Those...
In thinking about what to write for this blog post for the past few weeks, I've realized that I struggle with walking in forgiveness towards leaders in leadership at work, in government, or in church that do not appear to understand the burdens they place on me. This leads to me becoming angry and frustrated, and I can end up stewing in this for far too long. Some results of this are an inability to communicate effectively with them when I have an opportunity to get my point across, and a lack of empathy and compassion for what they themselves are dealing with.
Recognizing that this behaviour of mine needs to change, I wondered where it started in my life. While I was brushing my teeth one evening, God began to align thoughts and recollections in my head...
In grades 3 and 4, I was very keen and motivated to learn - I loved learning and school, and my parents encouraged me to do my best. I had an intense, deep sense that it was my responsibility to learn, and I didn't want to let anyone down. I'm not sure where those feelings came from or why I had them, but that was just me, then. *shrug and smile*
Enter my teacher for those two years, Mr. H. He was great in a lot of ways, and introduced us to many things that have formed and shaped me to this day. Some examples: He read two of the Chronicles of Narnia books to us; he played his oboe to us in class; and he had a passion for first nations history and art that I definitely assimilated. However, he also had a method of keeping the class obedient and submissive that, given my intense desire to learn, broke my heart.
Looking from the vantage point of 4 more decades of experience, his leadership behaviour was not all that abusive. He did yell quite loud at times when he was frustrated. But what really got me was this: Whenever we started a new subject in class, he'd ask us to take those books out of desks to get prepared. If we did this too loud, he'd tell us to put our books back in our desks and have us wait. Each time this happened during a day, the wait would be longer... first 5 minutes. Then 10 or so, but randomly longer. There were some days where we did nothing - no school work at all - because we'd been talking too much in our transition between subjects. I felt all this doing nothing was letting my family and myself down, because it was my responsibility to learn. I had no control over how loud my classmates were. I didn't feel I could talk to anyone about it. I felt terrible, and quietly wept in class at my desk many times as we waited, adding embarrassment to my frustration. I believe I've had trust issues with certain leadership/authority figures every since then, perhaps due to a lack of forgiveness and a 'bitter seed' of sorts that was planted in my heart at that time.
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| Considering forgiveness Image by Pexels from Pixabay |
A Prayer...
Oh God, help me to forgive my teacher and the students, and the leaders that I've had since then with whom I've felt awkward and suspicious. They had no way to know what kind of impact these things would have on me. Help me to learn to love them again, and view them with empathy and compassion for the situations they were/are dealing with. Forgive me for harbouring bitter thoughts and blame against them. Help me to trust you, and leave these situations, concerns, frustrations, and fallout in your capable hands. Thank you, that you are more than able to restore and heal everyone concerned, and help us to receive your healing.
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