Humble Pie - Trusting God's Plan

The Chosen

My wife and I have been watching The Chosen series for the second time now, and quite enjoying it.  Something that has struck both of us is the struggle that Peter, Nicodemus and Judas all have in coming to terms with who Jesus is and what that means to them.  Their preconceived ideas about Jesus' life and ministry causes each of them to wrestle...

• Peter, seeing so many healings happen, and yet confronting a personal loss where he perhaps felt entitled to a miracle and didn't receive it;
• Judas, being good with numbers, people, and business, and yet confounded by what he considers a shocking lack of fiscal and political strategy in Jesus' choices; 
• Nicodemus, with high social, religious, and educational status, also being frustrated with where Jesus' ministry is heading

Watching them grapple with these issues got me thinking about my own struggles with humbly trusting God's purpose and plan in my life.

A Young Musician

I grew up in a small community with a small high school 120km from the closest city of 60,000 people.  This did not afford me with a great sense of perspective.  I played the piano for my church every week, and on certain special occasions I was asked to play the drums for our school ensembles as I was more proficient at certain beats than most people there.  Young and rather isolated, I got it into my head that I was 'the best young musician around.'  

Of course, being a teenager doesn't help.  There were many over-steps, words too quickly spoken, and big-headed thoughts entertained.  I remember being asked to leave my seat as a trombone player and cover the drums for a band festival/competition.  I was pretty proud of being asked, and pride comes before the fall.  In the middle of playing our song in the band competition, I dropped a drum stick.  I was the only drummer, and so I had to continue the beat with the stick I still held while reaching down to pick up the stick a dropped - a situation the didn't go unnoticed by pretty much everyone.  Then later the next week I relived the experience as our band listened to the recording and adjudication of our playing, we all heard my stick clatter and bounce on the cement floor - my mistake saved for posterity! 

Several years later, with a bit more experience under my belt, I began to realize how many fantastic drummers there are in the world - much better than me!  Talk about perspective shock.

Pride versus Humility

I struggled a lot with understanding what 'pride' and 'humility' were growing up.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Definitions are one thing, but practically knowing when I'd crossed the line into becoming prideful in a situation I often found (and still find) elusive.  I spent a lot of time examining my motives for things that I did.  I also discovered in that learning journey that I could be 'falsely humble.'  Argh!

Over the years, I've come to realize there are certain thoughts I have that are 'tells' that I might be prideful in a situation.  They follow along these lines:

• I'm entitled to...something (attention, respect, an opinion, a raise/reward, being heard, etc.)
• I deserve...something (love, notice, a lot of the same things above, etc.)
• Compared to someone, I'm.... something (better, faster, more patient, more loving, more humble, etc.)

Through my mid-life decades, I wrestled with what I thought was God's call for my life, versus my actual career....  It was a persistent, nagging question:  "God, is this really your plan for my life?  It doesn't seem correct..."  I'd often second-guess if where I was in my career was where God wanted me to be.  

As I got older, God helped me gain more perspective on my place in the world and a variety of other things.  I realized through several more 'lessons' that keeping a sober assessment of myself was healthy.  I started to rest and trust God more in the path in life he has put before me. 

More Recently....

For the last 18 months or so, I feel like God's working on me in a different way - doing a bit of a make over.  Through a couple of different circumstances of life, mostly out of my control, I've been having to 'let go.'  Talents, relationships, and abilities that I (perhaps) have put too much 'trust' in are being taken away, called into question, or rendered obsolete.  It feels at times like I'm being 'unbuilt.'

When I consider this, a picture that comes into my mind is from C.S Lewis' novel The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  Specifically chapter 6, entitled 'The Adventures of Eustace.'  Up to that point in the book, he was jerk and uncomfortable with everyone.  Through a set of circumstances in this chapter he's turned into a dragon.  He then goes through a painful cleansing process of tearing the dragon skin off (unbuilding) to become his 'real' self. 

Eustace the dragon crying tears of remorse

Maybe I'm being over dramatic.  :-)  I don't know where these changes are heading in my life - perhaps its a delayed mid-life crisis or a transition to the next phase of my life.  It definitely feels like there is a reconstruction/renovation happening, and its not super comfortable.  Like Peter, Judas, and Nicodemus I'm... perplexed with what appears to be happening.  But I want to trust that God knows what he's doing, and surrender to these changes.

Sober but Encouraging Thoughts 

Considering this 'humble pie' that it feels like God is baking in me, here's thought 'ingredients' that have been encouraging me on the way:

• Receiving God's Love.  I've been wondering - is there a correlation between humility and the ability to receive God's love? Consider the situation in Luke 7:36-50.  The pharisee Simon is contrasted with the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her hair. Who felt (received) more love?  The one who was forgiven more... (the one who had a humbler heart)
• God is my portion.  When everything else is stripped off (like the dragon) - all my 'good works': my career, my family, my reputation, ministry, volunteering, writing - are refined in God's purifying fire, can I be content, and satisfied that He alone is all I need?  Psalm 16:5, Lamentations 3:24
• Job's story - Though he slay me, yet will I trust him.  Job 13:15.  Most people know Job's story.
• Jeremiah's story - Our pastor preached a great sermon on the book of Jeremiah.  In it he asks 'How did Jeremiah manage to persist in following God's call for his life when it meant Jeremiah's life and ministry would appear to have no tangible legacy or value?'  The three response points our pastor made in answering this question were:
• Jeremiah trusted that God had his best interests at heart.  Jeremiah 29:11
• Jeremiah was continually honest with God about how he felt.  Jeremiah 20:9 and the practically the entire book of Lamentations
• Jeremiah rested in the sovereignty of God.  Lamentations 3:22-23
• The attitude and posture of a child.  They are open, humble, unassuming, trusting, unpretentious.  Jesus said, 'I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.'
• James chapter 4.  If 1 Corinthians 13 is the 'love chapter' in the Bible, James 4 is the 'humility chapter' in my opinion.
• April 18, 2026 update.  Saw this post in Facebook:
  
  "Moses spent 40 years thinking he was somebody;
  40 years learning he was nobody;
  and 40 years discovering what God can do with a nobody."
  D. L. Moody

Imposter Syndrome

Some History

 In 2001, I did a pretty significant career change.  I went from a printing pressman to working in Information Technology.  It was not a smooth transition, for a variety of reasons (some of which you can read about in more detail on this past post of mine).  One of things that made it challenging for me is that the vast majority of the people working in IT have some kind of university degree.  I don't.  I went through a 'fast-paced' 9 month training transition.  In my first few years as a Java Developer, I was painfully aware of significant gaps in my IT education.  This led me to feeling like a bit of an 'imposter developer' every time I started a new job or contract.

Some of the IT books I've continued to learn from.

Recent Challenges

Fast forward 20 years, and I found myself invited onto a small team of senior developers by a vice-president in the company I was working for.  We were tasked with building a new platform for one of the company's main software products, used by construction and architectural customers around the globe.  We were trying to do 'bleeding edge' work - getting software and infrastructure to run on systems that were documented as 'supported' (read: it 'should' work), but not many people had successfully implemented 'in the wild'.  The guys on our team were really smart, and I consistently felt  insecure with my abilities and out of my comfort zone.  It was stressing me out as the only contractor on the team.

Encouragement

One day in the middle of this my wife and I were walking through Rona the hardware superstore. I shared my struggles, concerns, and insecurities at work with her, and basically broke down crying.  We prayed together about it later that day.  Several weeks afterwards, we were visiting some friends and I shared this struggle with them.  Randy, the husband about 15 years my senior, encouraged me.  He shared how he felt similar in some of his positions as the financial leader (CFO) at a couple of companies, but felt God tell him "I've placed you here in this position, for a reason.  If I put you here, know that I will support you with the expertise and answers you need to do good work here, and be a light for me."

I took this advice to heart.  In the following days and weeks I tried to remember that God placed me there, and that I needed to trust that he'd give me the answers, wisdom, and confidence I needed to do my job well.  You can see from this post that I had been thinking about my work struggles a lot :-)

Me and some colleagues at the 2025 Google Cloud Platform
conference in Las Vegas this spring

Further Up & Further In

Our team's 'proof of value' project for the new platform was successful, and we began to move live customers onto it.  God provided an opportunity for me to become a full-time employee at the company, which I accepted.  The following year, I receive a 'Founder's Award' from the company for 'Product Advancement' as well as a promotion to a manager position.  God is good and faithful!

In this new position, I continue to struggle with thoughts of insecurity and feeling like an imposter.  The team has grown and the customer base on the platform has grown as well with more than 200 customers running on it now.  God continues to teach me (almost on a daily basis) lessons of humility and trust as I help our team grow this platform.  There's lots of prayer and 'standing on the promises' in the Bible, like:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"

"He will keep in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed up Him, because he trusts in Him"

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind"

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving, make your requests known to God; and the God of peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus"

Bees and Wax - Vacation 2025

 Build Up

'In-ear' monitors (for musicians) and noise cancelling ear buds are great technology.  I was given a pair of JZ in-ear monitors for my volunteer work with BSC bands over the years, and got a free pair of noise cancelling Jabra ear-buds as an award from work.  I had been using the in-ear monitors for several years and used the ear-buds a lot when I travelled for work last year.  One downside to using these great appliances (can I call them that?) is apparently they don't allow one's ear canal to drain properly.  This turned into a problem for me this summer (2025).

Unbalanced Hearing

A day to two into our summer vacation on Vancouver Island, my right ear plugged and I couldn't get it unplugged.  A similar situation had happened to my son late last year, and he had successfully used Earol to clear the plug, so I went to the local pharmacy, bought some, and used it faithfully for several days.  It improved things for a while, but then not.  Around the middle of that first week, I went to a local medical clinic and asked if the doctor could flush my ear, but they weren't talking walk-ins, and advised me to keep 'oiling my ear'.  This whole time my hearing in my plugged right ear was 60-70% reduced, and definitely made it challenging to truly relax and enjoy my time off.  Don't get me wrong - it wasn't life threatening or anything like that - I was still going on 5km runs, doing lots of walking, and living life normally.  It was just annoying and distracting, particularly on vacation.

Going on an ocean walk in the rain with a plugged ear

Living on a Prayer

My wife could sense this issue was bothering me.  She wanted me to enjoy vacation too.  On Monday the next week, she prayed about it and felt I should go back to that medical clinic and ask if they could see me as a walk-in.  I told her I wasn't keen on doing that because I'd already been to that clinic, asking them about this and they said 'no' and directed me elsewhere (which unfortunately wasn't helping).  So she volunteered to go talk to them and told me to come with her.  I agreed, and she prayed again, and we went to the clinic.  She explained the whole situation to the ladies there again, and said we'd tried what they'd suggested to no avail.  Between my wife's persuasion and God's help, the ladies relented and organized an appointment for me (an out of province resident) later that afternoon.  Sure enough, at the appointment the doc flushed my ear and I could hear SO much better.  We were so happy!

A couple days later I gave the ladies a thank-you card and some flowers for accomodating us.

More Likely a Wasp...

Forgive me - I thought Bees and Wax made a better sounding title for this post.  The 'bad guy' in this part of the post was probably a wasp...

Right around that same time, we went on a short day trip to Quadra Island.  My wife likes driftwood, and I just like hanging out by the beach, and we both like walking and easy hikes.  Our first stop was the Cape Mudge Lighthouse.  There was a nice walk/hike we had done on a previous trip on the resort property near there that we wanted to do again, but unfortunately the resort was closed, so we ended up at the ocean by the lighthouse.  

Just a little bit of driftwood

The tide was out and it was a ways to the water, but the attraction here was the driftwood.  My wife and I poked around the driftwood for about 20 minutes until she suddenly exclaimed 'OW!  Perry!!  What is it?!  Get it off me!'  I missed it, but a wasp had gotten under her shirt and stung her.  We went back to the truck and found some 'sting first aid' in our first aid kit.

Help, One More Time

Days later, the area where she had gotten stung was still not looking or feeling great, particularly in the heat.  The closest pharmacy when this reach a point of 'we need to do something' was the one in Black Creek, in the same building as the medical centre I'd been to for my ear.

Upon seeing the affected area, the pharmacist was concerned - it could be infected.  However, she couldn't prescribe an antibiotic without a prescription from a doctor.  My wife glanced across the office at the doctor's reception desk and headed right over there.  It wasn't busy, and the ladies there had actually overheard her story, so upon hearing my wife's situation, they said, 'We gave your husband an appointment, its only fair if we give you one too!'

My wife got her prescription the next day after her appointment, and that helped clear it up!

Surely God is my help;  the Lord is the one who sustains me

Psalm 54:4

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Bearspaw Christian School

BCS and Our Kids

The spring that Kornelia was finishing grade 6 and Erik was finishing grade 2, we heard an advertisement for an 'open house for new students' for Bearspaw Christian School (BCS) on the local Christian radio station.  We thought we'd all go check it out.  On the way, the kids were 'meh' about this idea.  'Why do we have to go look at this school?'  On the way home later that evening though, they were very enthusiastic about the idea of attending there the following year.  So we enrolled them.

Looking back, this was a great experience for them.  They both graduated grade 12 from BCS.  Ewa and I as parents have no regrets we made this decision.  You can read some of their experiences in the following link:  Remembering the Kindness of God in Raising Our Kids

Volunteering

You have been treated generously, so live generously.  

Matthew 10:8b

Parents were required to volunteer some time at the school as part of the commitment in being involved.  For the last 6 years of their time there, I volunteered leading one of the four student worship bands.  This involved weekly practices with the band on Thursday afternoons, and then we'd lead worship for a school chapel once every 4 weeks or so.  I really enjoyed this experience.  I organized Christmas band parties for my team, and end of year picnics, and we lots of fun and interesting experiences in chapels.  

Setting up and sound check for our of our last chapels

Fun Experiences Volunteering

Here's some highlights of volunteering at BCS that I can share now since the students involved are adults:

• An acoustic worship chapel where we had set up an atmosphere like a campfire.  At the end we ramped up the intensity of the songs and everyone was dancing (400 students and teachers) singing Bethel's song 'I've got a River....'.  Looking back, the picture I have in my mind is students and teaching singing, smiling, and busting moves for God.  I was so wrapped up in leading/playing that I had literally strummed the guitar until my fingers bled, and it made a mess of the guitar.  It was definitely a day where God met us.  When I bump into people now who were there that day, they still say 'remember that one acoustic chapel..?'
•  One practice, I had no new songs for the band, but really wanted them to 'go deeper into true worship' with the songs we were playing.  I prayed about this, and God gave me the idea to turn the lights out while we practiced.  The kids knew the songs well enough to play them in the dark.  With the lights off, no one had to worry about what anyone else was doing, and we could really focus on the words we were singing and truly worship.  Again, this turned into a special time - God's presence was there.

Christmas Worship Band party - Using toilet paper
to decorate people like snowmen

The Lost Girl

At the end of my second last year volunteering, I organized a 'year-end worship team picnic' at a nice local park, on the edge of the Bow River.  We had done this the previous year and it was a hit with the kids, so we prepared for 'the sequel.'

The evening arrived and we all met around our designated spot and built a large campfire.  After cooking and eating some hotdogs and chips, we brought out our guitars and sang some worship songs.  Everyone seemed to be having a good time.  Unbeknownst to me, one of the girls had previously had an argument with her mom that day, and decided to 'show her!'  After we had sung some songs, the girl told me she had to leave for the bathroom and I said 'fine.'  But she never came back.  

'Has anyone seen <girl's name> lately?' I asked, getting concerned after what seemed an inordinate amount of time to be gone to the restroom.  No one had.  We started to look for her.  After some time doing this, we called her Mom, and then called the police, as it was getting late.  The police took the issue pretty seriously, and in a short while had 3-4 cruisers at the park AND the police helicopter involved.  By this time I was sweating bullets and doing a lot of earnest praying under my breath and with the family.  

With the police involved, we were drawing some attention from other people passing through the park, and they volunteered to help.  It was probably close to 10pm when one of these people - a fellow on a mountain bike - ended up seeing the girl walk out of the bush at the far end of the park.  He confirmed who she was and then beelined it back to us to inform us she was OK and on her way back.  WHAT A RELEIF!!

When she arrived, I think she was a bit shocked to discover the intensity of searching that had been going on for her, with the police presence and participation.  When everything wrapped up, and we learned that she was 'trying to teach her mom a lesson' (sigh, teenage girls), I drove home VERY thankful to God that she was fine and found.

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An Overland Odyssey - Kyrie, Eleison

January 1991

In January 1991 at 19 years old, I had one year of college behind me.  The previous summer saw me recommit my life to Jesus Christ (more about that here), and that fall I'd just finished a ten week 'intensive Christian training' school in Texas (see this link about an experience there).  I was not ready to back into any kind of formal schooling at that time.  I felt I needed to learn more about God and serve him.  So I'd planned to head back down to Texas and continue the learning I'd started there while volunteer working in the print shop they had.

There was a fellow named Kevin from Sandpoint, Idaho who had gone through the fall training with me, and he was also going back to Texas to continue his learning journey there - and he planned on driving down.  We previously agreed that I would join him so we could travel together, but I had to get to Sandpoint first.  My Mom, brother, and cousin decided to drive me to Sandpoint - about a 8 hour drive from where we lived in the interior of British Columbia.

The Odyssey Begins

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 

even there your hand will guide me.  Psalm 139:9-10

January as it was, we had winter driving conditions which weren't really too bad until we were closer to Spokane.  By that time, we'd already crossed the border into the US, and had been driving in Washington state for a couple hours.  My mom had gotten tired of driving and I had taken over.  It was snowing and dark out. The roads were snow-covered and I was doing the speed-limit, which Mom informed me was 'too fast for the road conditions and traffic.'  I silently disagreed in my mind, and barely started to slow down when a dog about the size of a coyote ran onto the road from the right.  I couldn't swerve because there was traffic coming at me from the left and the road was too slippery for sudden moves.  Braking fast was also not an option because of the icy road.  As a result, I hit the dog.  The whole episode was over rather fast, but adrenaline spike and subsequent verbal grilling I got lasted for a while.  Cars were made pretty solid back then, so there was little physical damage to the car itself.  God protected us, and I learned a lesson which I remember to this day.  

Kevin in TX

Unscheduled Stops

The next morning I was dropped off at Kevin's house in Sandpoint and my family started their return journey home.  Kevin and I left for Texas the following day.  He had a Subaru with florescent pink trim, if I remember correctly.  He had driven it to Texas for the ten week training we'd done in the fall.  We began our trip and drove the length of Idaho most of that first day, but later in the afternoon, the car broke down a ways past Weiser, ID.  We left it on the road and walked to a house nearby.  The Zaugs lived there - they were an older couple and were happy to help us out in our quandary - providing us with a place to stay for the evening and letting us use their phone so Kevin could make alternate arrangements.  In the end, the car wasn't going to get fixed.  We caught a Greyhound bus from Weiser to Boise, to Salt Lake, to Denver, to Dallas, and finally to Tyler, Texas.  It was a really long trip, with a lot of unplanned stops and lay-overs at bus stations on the way.  We were exhausted when we finally arrived at our destination a couple of days later.  But God protected us and we were no worse for wear.

Reflection 

Thinking about that trip now, how old I was when I did it, I can only imagine the concern of my parents.  It brings to mind one of my favourite radio tunes of that era - Kyrie by Mr. Mister.  At the time, I didn't know what the words meant, but knowing what they mean now, my thoughts immediately think of this trip.  Kyrie, Eleison is actually the beginning of a Greek Orthodox prayer.  It means 'Christ, have mercy..'  The words of the chorus of the song were very appropriate for that time in my life: 

Kyrie eleison, down the road that I must travel
Kyrie eleison, through the darkness of the night
Kyrie eleison, where I'm going, will you follow?
Kyrie eleison, on a highway in the light

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A map of my January 1991 overland odyssey

Healing Love and Coffee - A Parable of Marriage

Start with Beans - A Cord of Three Strands

The Bible says in Galatians: 'A man reaps what he sows'.   Making good coffee is no different.  A man needs to start with good beans and a good roast.  Similar with marriage.  Begin rooted in God, and always turn to Him for help.

When Ewa and I got married, we chose a popular 'marriage verse' from proverbs as our promise from God, that He would help us in our union:  "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." Eccl. 12:3.  The meaning we took from this verse was Ewa and I each were a strand, God being the third strand.  As long as we remained close to God, He would help us stay together.

Photo by The Ian on Unsplash

The Grind - Life isn't Easy

You've got to grind those beans so the flavour comes out.  That's not really a peaceful, relaxing process.

The first five years of marriage for me were no cake-walk.  Ewa and I got married when I was 23 and she was 29 - so there was an age difference to content with.  Additionally, we grew up in different countries on different continents and had different mother tongues.  Ensuring our communication is effective and we genuinely understand each other in conversations was and continues to be an ongoing challenge.  Vocal inflections, the use of imperative verbs, and how we tell stories can stimulate static in our relationship.

And then of course, life happens.  We lived in Poland together for a year after we got married, and then felt God telling us to move to Alberta (more details about that here).  We were geographically separated for 9 months while I worked in Canada and sponsored Ewa's immigration.  Our 'honeymoon vacation' didn't happen until she became a landed immigrant in Canada, nearly 2 years after we got married.  Soon afterwards we had to navigate employment issues and a career change, all the while trying to walk with God and believing he was with us.  I'd say the career change definitely 'nicked' that cord of three stands, even though we believed God was leading us that direction.

The Brew - Learn How to Truly Love

The 'love' that is espoused by this generation's media is like a coffee beverage made fast with syrup (I'm thinking of a Tim Horton's iced capp for you Canadians).  A good coffee brew however, takes time and hot water.  I think true love in a marriage grows over time and with trials, persistence, and patience.  

Around 2016-2018 I think both Ewa and myself found ourselves letting the busyness, worries, comparisons, anxieties, and frustrations of this life cause us to 'fall out of love' with each other.  While its easy to 'look for options', or escapes, or even use threatening ultimatums in those trying times, those aren't healthy paths to consider.

Getting to the 'end of my rope' (sorry, I know I'm mixing metaphors in the post - I hope you can follow along), I asked God for help with our marriage.  I needed:

1. A new perspective of who Ewa was - God's perspective.  
2. To learn how to truly love her again.

God answered the my first request by helping me see Ewa as a little girl - something I had never seen or experienced, because I met Ewa when she was 29.  But she was still His little girl, so He knew how to make that happen. How did God help me see/experience that?

• He told me to watch her when she slept/napped.  People let down their guard - all pretences fall away - when they sleep!  Its actually not hard to 'rewind time' and visualize a younger person when they are asleep.
• He suggested I listen closer to her stories when she was a child and then helped me draw parallels to some of her current behaviours.  That helped my understand why she was afraid of some things, why her shopping habits were totally different than mine, and even why her personal communication and story-telling followed different patterns than I would expect (BTW, I still struggle with waiting for her to 'get to the point')

With the second request, I felt God was prompting me to 'do' something, to somehow show Ewa that I loved her in a meaningful and persistent way.  This came with two ideas:

• Making her coffee every morning.  I don't drink coffee myself, but I am up earlier than Ewa for work every day.  So I learned how she makes her coffee and I made that my morning 'labour of love'. 
  The results of this actually surprised me.  I don't know what I was expecting, but clearly Ewa appreciates her morning coffee being brewed for her a lot more than I realized.  It went miles further than I expected it would in helping her feel loved and cared for.  I still make her morning coffee to this day.
• Calling her by her Polish diminutive name and other loving nicknames instead of her 'plain, legal' name.  She much prefers I call her 'Ewunia' or 'Baby-doll' or some other fun nick-names.  I honestly don't know how I missed this in our first 15-20 years of marriage, because it also made a huge difference for us.

This is THE coffee machine mentioned above.

Savour the Flavour

For all these steps and suggestions above to work, I had to persist in them, and I had to be patient to wait for the result.  I'd also say that I'm definitely not perfect, and there are times where Ewa has extended grace, mercy, and forgiveness to me when I was not so lovable.  It takes three cords to make that strong rope, and this post mostly focuses on two of those cords.  I'm sure Ewa has her own perspective on this marriage journey of ours and her own bean 'blend' and 'flavour' she savours.

I'm thankful to say that now the majority of our time together we can be silly, have fun with each other, and enjoy each other's company.  My wife and I are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary this year!  

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A Benediction

When I started writing this post, I made some notes on generic things that I thought helped put our relationship back together.  Those quick notes looked like this below:

• Persist in:
• an intentional relationship with God
• being real and honest with God
• loving mercy and walking in forgiveness
• hope and faith in God - that He is a good Father and your safety is found in Him

What I thought was cool later when I reviewed them is they actually align with parts of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (the love chapter):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Vacations and Volvos

God Cares

God cares about the little things.  More than once on a family vacation, He gave me a mini-parable of His tender mercy in providing safe, comfortable transportation for us to use.  This is important to me as a Dad and husband, and really means a lot to me.  As often as we rent cars on vacation (not very often), I couldn't help but notice that we ended up with a Volvo SUV on more than one occasion.  Volvos are a brand I never thought I'd drive because I considered them a luxury vehicle.  Here's those stories.

Volvo 1 

Up until 2012, I had never rented a vehicle.  That year we decided to do a 2 week trip to California and 'splurge' a bit on vacation.  We got a vacation rental in a nice coastal town and rented a Ford Explorer with all the bells and whistles, including a moon roof.  

We flew into L.A., and when we got the car rental agency, they said the Ford Explorer wasn't available.  I don't recall exactly why, but it was because of something out of their control.  I was quite disappointed, as I really wanted to experience (and have the kids experience) a moon roof.  Fortunately, before I got my knickers in knot about this, the agency offered to upgrade us to a Volvo XC90.  I wasn't expecting an upgrade, and it was a great surprise.  It felt like God was saying, 'Its ok, Perry - I got this.'  I definitely enjoyed driving that vehicle around southern California for the next two weeks.

Our Volvo XC90 in a hotel parking lot by Disneyland.

Volvo 2

Seven years later, we did another significant family trip - this time to see family in Poland.  We decided to rent a vehicle for the 2nd half of the trip as we'd be driving around southern Poland a fair bit, taking the kids to see where my wife grew up, doing some exploring into the Czech Republic, and visiting relatives.  When we booked this vehicle online, we didn't know exactly what make and model we'd get.  It was just a 'mid-size 5 seat SUV'

Lo and behold, when we got the rental agency at the airport, the only SUV they had left was a Volvo XC 40.  What a great vehicle for 'zipping around' on a European vacation - small enough to park anywhere easily and manoeuvre on some those skinny European roads, and it had all the features we needed, including GPS which was super helpful on the unfamiliar drives.

Again, it felt like God was saying 'Let me help you enjoy your family vacation.  Don't worry about the SUV, I've got that covered.'  

The XC40 parked in Ewa's brother's driveway in Poland

"And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.
So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."
Luke 12:7

Click here for more true stories of God working in my life

Remembering The Kindness Of God in Raising Our Kids

Remembering God's Kindness

I regularly read devotions from the ministry 'Our Daily Bread.'  Recently this particular one hit home with me.  It references a couple verses in Isaiah that immediately made me think of a situation with each of our kids growing up, and how God's kindness to them (and to us as parents) really helped.  The verses go like this:

'I'll make a list of God's gracious dealings,

all the things God has done that need praising,

All the generous bounties of God,

His great goodness to the family of Israel - 

Compassion lavished, love extravagant'

.....

In all their troubles, he was troubled too.

He didn't send someone else to help them.

He did it himself, in person.

Out of His own love and pity he redeemed them.

He rescued them and carried them along for a long, long time.'

Isaiah 63:7, 9

Our Daughter and Anxiety

When our daughter was going into grade 7, our whole family agreed together that both kids would switch schools to a local Christian school.  It was really important that we engaged them in that decision because that first year in the new school for Kornelia wasn't easy.  She had a hard time making friends, and had an intense struggle with anxiety.  Sometime she found it hard to sit in class because of this, and large assemblies with the whole school were agony for her.

Her teacher, and particularly the assistant teacher for her class began to pressure us to get some professional help for her.  We weren't keen on jumping into this right away, and did a lot of praying and talking with Kornelia about it.  We were going to a small group at the time, and one of the ladies there was a counsellor.  When we informally ran our concerns about Kornelia by her, she agreed with us that trying to work with Kornelia personally and patiently was the best plan forward.  Gradually, over the course of the next couple of years, as Kornelia became more comfortable with the school, the teachers, and her classmates, God took the anxiety away.  

God's kindness in this entire experience was evident when, at graduation, Kornelia played her guitar and sang solo alone on stage in front of the entire assembly of graduates and their families.  Following the ceremony, her grade 7 teacher signed Kornelia's grad picture frame with 'God is good!  Look at how far you've come since grade 7, Kornelia!'  

The fam at Kornelia's Grad Ceremony

Our Son and Community

The same school move had an impact on our son Erik as well.  He also had a difficult time finding friends, and was bullied during that first year after the move (yes, in a Christian school).  He's a sensitive guy and this troubled him for some time.  He would have a close friend for a while, but then that friend would find another interest (or friend), or move away, and Erik would feel alone again.  

This feeling was magnified for Erik when as a junior he was asked to play drums with the senior worship team.  He made good friends there, but they weren't in his grade and he lamented that fact on numerous occasions.  I don't think I understood just how important friends and community were for Erik at the time.  I'm not sure he knew how to articulate it, or if I missed a queue somewhere.  Its quite possible he did communicate his heart in this area to his Mom and I underestimated its importance.

Erik got older and this particular school had a tradition of taking its grade 11 classes on a missions/field trip to an orphanage in Guatemala.  It was a big deal for every student in grade 11, and the class prepared all year for the trip with fundraisers, training, and planning skits and work teams.  All the parents, including us, prayed that the trip would have a life changing impact on our kids.  In Erik's case it had a significant, lasting affect.

I don't know all the details of what happened, but apparently in one of the evening debriefs with the class, the lead chaperone pleaded to not leave what happened there behind.  This left an impact on Erik and he felt that God was prompting him to do something about it.  He made a promise to not remain passive anymore but to be active in building community.  And when they got home, he took the initiative to make that happen.

Since that time, continuing all the way to current day (6 years later!) he and a number of his friends from that class have been meeting as a small group - of their own accord - on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.  Its not always a spiritual discussion, and that's fine.  They keep each other accountable and look out for each other.  Its really been special to see how God has answered the cry of Erik's heart for friendship and community from when he was young.

A candid snapshot of Erik from the Guatemala trip

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The Names of God - Jehovah Rapha

 God Our Healer

Why am I writing about the names of God? 
This name of God came about days after God parted the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites.  Three days march inland they came to a place with water, but it was bitter.  God had Moses throw a stick in the water and the water became 'sweet.'  God then spoke to Moses saying (Exodus 15:26):

"If you listen, listen obediently to how God tells you to live in his presence, obeying his commandments and keeping all his laws, then I won’t strike you with all the diseases that I inflicted on the Egyptians;

I am God your healer."

In My Life...

Looking back, I can quickly think of several instances of God's healing work in my life.  Sometimes it was in conjunction with doctors.  Other times it was unexplainable naturally.  I've already written blog posts about a couple of these situations.  Here's the links to them:

• The Summer After College
• 90's Trip to Europe - The Engagement Ring

My Second Bike Accident

See this link for a story on my first bad bike accident. 
I really enjoy mountain/trail riding with my bike in the summer.  Late July last summer (2022) I set out after work to do some trail riding in a large city park close to our house (Nose Hill Park).  The grass on the sides of the path had grown tall by this time, and the trails themselves where wore into the soil a ways from all the bike traffic - like one large rut.  

A trail in Nose Hill Park

I was tired, and going fast because I 'knew the trail well.'  Going around a left corner, I cut it short brushing against the tall grass and my front tire got caught up on the rutted side of the path.  I couldn't compensate my balance fast enough and fell off to the side, with my left hip taking the full force of the fall against a large rock embedded in the ground.  

The force of that stop almost knocked the wind out of me - certainly the pain in my hip took my breath away.  I fought through a minute or two of medical shock, and then walked around.  My while left leg was burning like my arm does when I hit my funny bone really badly.  After recovering for about 5 minutes, I abandoned the rest of my ride and slowly rode back home - fortunately it was downhill all the way.  I was in pain.

After a week, I still could not sleep on my left side and it was still somewhat painful to walk.  Sitting for work everyday was a chore - I did a lot of standup working during that time.  I decided to go see the doctor because things didn't seem to be healing as fast as I'd hoped, and my wife and I were planning to fly to Europe to see her family at the end of August.  I didn't see how that flight was going to work with the way my hip/leg was feeling.

The doctor had me take some x-rays, and then said they'd call if there was something further to be done.  I didn't hear from them for almost three weeks and THEN they called and said 'Oh, there's something with your x-ray that doesn't look right - like you may have fractured you pelvis.  Can we have you take another one?'  Great.  OK.  Did another round of x-rays and everything on them looked fine.  Good thing too, because we were leaving in a week, and the bone(s) already had weeks to heal.  

I was still very concerned about the flight as sitting for longer than an hour was uncomfortable.  Nine hours with minimal ability to move sounded a bit scary.  I prayed and asked God for help.  On the flight out, I had to use special pillows and sometimes get up and stand a while.   The very cool thing though, was on the flight home, I didn't feel the pain AT ALL!  I didn't have to use my special pillows or anything.  God healed my hip!

Cancer Healed!

Not long after we flew home, Ewa's mom was diagnosed with skin cancer on her forehead.  Unfortunately, it had been left for some time, so by the time it was treated with radiation (early spring 2023), a significant wound was left to heal.  While that was healing, she noticed some swelling on her neck around her ear.  She didn't think much of this at the time, but a couple of months later it had swelled quite large and was very painful.  After finally seeing the doctor about that, it was also diagnosed as cancer.

The doctors wouldn't prescribe chemo-therapy because they said it would basically kill Ewa's Mom, given her advanced age.  As a result, 5 rounds of radiation were prescribed again to try and deal with this new scourge.  After several weeks of relief following the final round of radiation for this new set of tumors,  swelling and pain started again.  Ewa's mom was so exhausted of all of this, she said she wasn't interested in more radiation or treatment going forward.  She had a visit with the doctor scheduled for Dec. 5 to see what the prognosis would be.

The Saturday before Dec. 5, we spoke with Ewa's Mom on the phone and things didn't sound good.  Getting off the phone, Ewa and I prayed believing the verses:

“...If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask,
my Father in heaven will do it for you."  Matt 18:19

and

"....Pray for one another so that you might be healed. The prayer of a godly person is powerful. Things happen because of it."  James 5:16

Dec. 5 came, and Ewa's brother called with a report about the doctor visit.  Everything went fine, no further radiation is required at this point, Mom looks and feels well.

What?  Ewa was confused, and immediately phoned her Mom.  Her Mom said on Saturday night she went to bed and she could hardly sleep because of the pain, but in the end she fell asleep... and slept better than she'd slept in weeks.  Waking up, she discovered that the swelling and the pain were gone, and the wound by her ear had closed up and was dry.  She had slept fine every night since.  At the doctor's office, the doctor hardly recognized Ewa's Mom because she had no dressing on the wound and she looked normal and healthy.  The doctor said, "You look like a new woman!"  God is good and He still heals!

Ewa with her parents in 2019

Other Names of God and My Experiences...

• El Roi - God Sees
• Jehovah Shalom - God My Peace
• Elohim Shomri - God My Protection
• Jehovah Jireh - God My Provider
• Emmanuel - God With Us
• The God of all Comfort

Dream - God's Way

Dreaming

I used to enjoy listening to public speakers, pastors, and motivational gurus expound on 'Dream large!' and 'Follow your dream!' etc.  I love future thinking.  In fact, its one of my strongest strengths.  Dreaming large for me was easy.  When I considered the actual execution of those dreams and mixing that with ambition, practical living, and immediate responsibilities... some dreams stayed dreams, or only got half done.  As it turns out, Responsibility is my strongest strength, and I wasn't going to let my dreams take precedence over family life.  Hearing talks about dreaming started to get discouraging.

A Different Perspective

One day as I was reflecting on this (and perhaps wondering at the purpose of my life a little bit), I realized something:  God had been faithful to the 'dreams' in my heart that I hadn't even entirely verbalized or prayed - dreams that were more meaningful and foundational than career pinnacles or bucket lists.  Let me explain further..

Years ago while Ewa and I were on our honeymoon here in Canada, we mused 'Wouldn't it be nice if we could bring Ewa's parents from Poland here to Canada and let them see what its like here.'  Her parents had never been outside Poland, and the beauty of the areas we were honeymooning was impossible to convey in a letter or a phone call. 

For me there was an additional unspoken, wishful thought of 'as our children grow up, what would be the ideal frequency of family visits given Ewa's side of the family lives in Poland?'  I never seriously considered what the 'right' answer would be - there was only the desire that the kids would be exposed to both sides of their family heritage and culture. 

We did not have resources to accomplish these 'dreams' at the time.  But God knew.  Over the years, He provided for means and resources to bring Ewa's parents here to Canada several times for extended stays, and for us to take our children to Poland several times as well.  Every visit had great memories and experiences for our kids and Ewa's family.  

As I considered this from the vantage point of grown children and completed trips and visits, I realized God had a different, better dream for us all along - one that included families, cultures, countries, and languages.  I was moved and filled with gratitude, realizing what God had brought about.

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

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Dreams Come True

Some great memories:

Ewa's parents with us in the Canadian Rockies on their 
first trip to Canada in July 1997

Ewa's parents 2nd trip to Canada in Summer 1999
Here Kornelia is enjoying playing with Ewa's
Mom in Slave Lake, Alberta

Ewa's parents 3rd trip to Canada in 2006.
Here we're all playing on a playground in Radium, BC

This was also taken on Ewa's parents 3rd trip to
Canada.  Here they're enjoying a walk along Long
Beach on Vancouver Island.  This was one place in
particular we 'dreamed' about taking them

 Christmas/New Years 2007/2008
We were able to go to Poland and celebrate the
holidays as well as Ewa's parents 50th wedding
anniversary.

This is from that same Christmas trip.  On the return
flight home we were upgraded to business class on
the flight over the Atlantic Ocean. 
A real treat for all of us!

Ewa's parents last trip to Canada in 2009.
Here we're having a BBQ/picnic at a local park in 
Calgary with my parents

In 2013, Ewa's brother and his family were able to join us
for 3 weeks in the Summer.  Here we're enjoying a visit and
a laugh in our living room with my parents and brother.

We were able to visit Ewa's family in Summer, 2019
Ewa is with our kids, standing in front of Florian's
Gate in old town, Krakow

The Names of God - Emmanuel

God with Us

Why am I writing about the names of God? 
Another important name of God in the Bible that was given to Jesus (prophesied by Isaiah, attributed to Jesus by Matthew) is Emmanuel - God with Us.  

While I don't have a specific experience that stands out where I could say that makes this name of God significant to me, I take a lot of comfort from all the verses in the Bible that tell me God is with me.  I need this comfort and encouragement because believing that He is with me is a faith journey a lot of the time.  I will admit, I'm sometimes a bit jealous that the people of Jesus' time actually got to see him, hear him, touch him.

Bible verses that I often remember in my prayers when I thank God for his presence with me are:

• He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother - Proverbs 18:24
• He is an ever-present help in time of need - Psalm 46:1
• Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He is with me - Psalm 23:4
• He will be with me always, even unto the end of the age - Matthew 28:20
• They will call his name Emmanuel, God with us - Matthew 1:23

The best story I can think of that exemplifies this in the Bible is in Daniel chapter 3, when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were condemned to die in Nebuchadnezzar's furnace of fire.  They stood resolute against his threats, refusing to bow down and worship his golden statue.  In response, King Nebuchadnezzar had the furnace heated 7 times hotter, and threw them in it.  Then this happened in Daniel 3:24-25:

Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in alarm and said, “Didn’t we throw three men, bound hand and foot, into the fire?”

“That’s right, O king,” they said.

“But look!” he said. “I see four men, walking around freely in the fire, completely unharmed! And the fourth man looks like a son of the gods!” 

This sounds a lot like Isaiah 43:2 where Isaiah says:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

God with Me

When I was growing up, I made more than one announcement to my parents that I wanted to be a hermit, live in the woods along, and work my own trap line.  After I left home, the idea of being a hermit didn't last long.  While I do enjoy my solitude, I also enjoy companionship.  Walks with my wife lately are a cherished activity.  

One of the first things God said in Genesis after he created Adam was 'It is not good for man to be alone.'  While I do enjoy my wife's companionship and she is a fantastic helpmate in many problems, sometimes even my wife can't understand the things I struggle with - a work issue, or something else - and I can feel very 'alone' in a problem.  The comfort of knowing that God is 'an ever-present help in time of need' is paramount.  He promised to be with me, listen to me, and walk through this with me.  The catch? I have to believe these promises.

Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

Other Names of God Significant to me..

• El Roi - God Sees Me
• Jehovah Shalom - God is my Peace
• Elohim Shomri - God is my Protector
• Jehovah Jireh - God my Provider
• Jehovah Rapha - God our Healer
• The God of all Comfort

God's Provision With Work

God is Our Provider - Jehovah Jireh

In the post linked here I talk about how Abraham gave God the name of Jehovah Jireh because he had a profound circumstance in his life where he saw God providing for him.  In that post I include a couple of examples of how God reached down into my life and provided for me and us as a family.  In this post I'll share a couple more short stories of how God has provided for us.

In many cultures around the world, men are seen as the 'providers' of the household.  It was no different for me growing up, and so when I had a family I felt that same responsibility.  So it means a lot when God helps me and aligns my career so that I can stay working and provide for my family.  I see that as God's provision for us.  Here's a couple examples of that...

Career Change!

After working in the print/publishing industry through most of the 1990's, I could see that it was not a growth industry, and there were other career choices that I was more suited to and afforded more hope to make a decent living.  Background context for this career change can be found at this link.    In short, I quit my job as a printing pressman, and we moved our family to Calgary so I could get educated as a software developer.  We strongly believed God was in this decision to move and transition.

I started IT school in January 2001 and that spring saw the beginnings of the 'dot.bomb' era in the stock market.  Up to this point, investors had been bullish (enthusiastic) about investing in IT companies.  However several large IT companies had posted questionable numbers that spring (Nortel being the main Canadian example) and the dot.com bubble burst causing stocks to slide.  As a result many IT companies went into receivership...  including the IT school I was going to.  While our school was closed, the receiver kept the Vancouver school open.  They gave us a living allowance and had us finish school there.  Because of all this I knew the IT job market was going to be tough to get into for a 'newbie' like me.  I consequently tried to get a certification in Java programming while I was still in school.... and I failed that test.  I resolved to write the test again after school was done (and I had more time to study for it).  Upon finishing school, I studied for two weeks, wrote the test and passed.   God helped me press in and finish that goal.

Returning back home, I spent most of the next 10 months looking for work.  I called every software company in the yellow pages listings one by one, and asked for a job.  When I was turned down, I learned to ask if they knew of any other companies that were hiring.  I got a 2 month contract this way, but I completed it with no further opportunities.  We had been living off of our student credit line and in the end I had to take a job framing houses with a friend to make ends meet.  This felt terrible, kind of like a surrender.  However, after 4 weeks of framing houses, I got a call from a large IT consulting company who was interested in hiring me because of the Java certification I had persisted in obtaining after school. 

As badly as I wanted that java developer position, I managed to get lost driving to the interview.  (This was before the days of Google Maps)  Realizing I was going to be late, I phoned to let them know I was lost and confirmed the directions to the office.  Fortunately, I did well on the interview and they offered me the job.  God provided a great first job as a software developer for me when the industry was not hiring junior developers, and in spite of my fumbling tardiness to the first interview.  This opportunity was entirely God's favour and provision for us!

A Promise Kept

Having worked in the software industry for about 15 years, I had not had the opportunity to work at a software Start Up.  In 2016, that opportunity came across my path with some former co-workers.  I signed on as a contractor, and then 6 months later was encouraged to become an employee.   I would get paid substantially less as an employee, but I'd get stock.  I made a deal (really, a promise) with my wife that if and/or when our savings ran out in this employee situation, I would look for a contract position again.  

A couple years later, that's exactly what happened.  Our savings were nearly depleted as we'd supplemented our income from the start-up to keep paying all the bills.  It just so happened that within a week or two of our savings getting to a critical level, a fellow from a previous company I'd worked at contacted me with a well paid contract position.

I was a bit torn.  I really enjoyed working at the startup with my team, but I'd made a promise to my wife.  I asked God what to do, and He gave me a verse:  "You’ll go back to your old work of planting vineyards on the Samaritan hillsides, and sit back and enjoy the fruit—oh, how you’ll enjoy those harvests!" Jeremiah 31:5. Your old work?!  God didn't need to tell me anything else.  I realized then and there that this was His provision and direction for me.

Transitioning into that new position, I also realized that knowing God wanted me to make that move was crucial, as it was the encouragement I needed to stay there and persist in what we were doing.  I was part of a very small team with the responsibility to help set up a new discipline/department, and there were lots of challenges and things to learn.