Sins of Omission

Sins of Omission

What is a sin of omission?  Simply, its not not doing something we know (or believe) we should have done.  James 4:17 says: "Remember, too, that knowing what is right to do and then not doing it is sin."  Jesus calls us to a higher way of living.  I was reminded of this today by the 'Our Daily Bread' devotion I'll talk about more below....

Courageous in Love 

The Feb 22/2026 devotion in Our Daily Bread talks about a racial bullying situation at a school in North Carolina, and how one fellow felt he should support a new student to the school, but he did nothing.  This bothered him for decades and he eventually reached out to that student, 49 years later, to ask for forgiveness.  This fellow realized in the end, showing love and support for another human being isn't just about being brave;  its about making a choice to live like Jesus.

Reading about this immediately brought to my mind a similar situation I saw growing up.  I was between 8-9 years old, and our family had just moved to a new subdivision in town.  We caught the bus to school every day, and within the first week it was painfully obvious there was a brother and sister at our bus stop who were mercilessly bullied by kids there who were older and larger than all of us.

Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

I distinctly remember the bus dropping us off after school one day, and watching the two of them run home crying and in fear because these heartless big bullies were again being mean, yelling, and throwing rocks at them.  

I didn't know what to do in that situation at that time.  I certainly could have stuck up for them, or told these bullies to stop.  It seemed better, however, to keep my head low and not 'rock the boat' as it were.  Self-preservation at the expense of my conscience.  I know now because I'm still bothered by that memory today.

SM + SM - if you are out there reading this today:  I'm so sorry and I apologize for not sticking up for you.  Will you please forgive me?  God, I pray that you would forgive me as well, and help me to be more courageous in love for others.

Persistent in Prayer

Another potential sin of omission I've been thinking about lately comes from the story of the prophet Samuel.  At the end of his life, he gives a farewell address to the people of Israel who he's been called to serve.  He says something quite interesting at the end of this address:  

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.

1 Samuel 12:23

This raises the question: "Who am I spiritually responsible to pray for?"  Samuel, in the context above, felt responsible for the people of Israel before God, and correspondingly felt it his duty to pray for them.

As a Dad, I feel spiritually responsible to pray for my family.  I try to do this consistently, and include the people in my circle of influence, but I am not as faithful in this as I'd like to be.  

Father God, I pray for you forgiveness in area this as well.

Interestingly, Paul takes this idea a bit further, exhorting believers to 'pray at all times, with all kinds of prayer for all the saints.'  Ephesians 6:18.  Personally, I view this (at this point in my life) as an encouragement, rather than a command.  I find it very difficult given the different responsibilities I have during my workday to see how I can possibly accomplish praying 'at all times, with all kinds of prayer for all the saints' as a command.  

Daniel is the example I try to follow here.  He similarly had an 'outside' job that required him to think and attend to things besides prayer during his workday.  But he set aside time for prayer as well.

The Lord's Prayer - Forgive us Our Sins...

Intro...

For the last year or two, I've been trying to pattern my morning prayers after the Lord's Prayer.  I find that the structure allows me to be more consistent (if sometimes somewhat repetitive at times) in the discipline of prayer.  I've realized that there's nothing wrong with being consistent and somewhat repetitive.  Jesus related in his parable about the persistent widow who kept asking for the same thing over and over until she got it.  Here's a link to previous posts about this: 

Part 1 - Our Father...  

Part 2 - Your kingdom come, Your will be done... 

Part 3 - On earth as it is in heaven. 

Part 4 - Give us this day...

Part 5 - Forgive us our sins...  is below

Part 6 - Lead us not... But deliver us...

Forgive Us Our Sins....

I'm always directed (in my heart and mind) back to Psalm 51 when I think about this phrase.  King David's plea to God for forgiveness after committing adultery with Bathsheba is remarkable in its depth of humility and contrition.  Some excerpts here from 'The Message' version (Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson) give an interesting, different perspective...

 God, make a fresh start in me,

    shape a Genesis creation week from the chaos of my life.

Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.

Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!

....

Going through the motions doesn’t please you,

    a flawless performance is nothing to you.

I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered.

Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.

Psalm 51:10-12, 16-17

As We Forgive Those...

In thinking about what to write for this blog post for the past few weeks, I've realized that I struggle with walking in forgiveness towards leaders in leadership at work, in government, or in church that do not appear to understand the burdens they place on me.  This leads to me becoming angry and frustrated, and I can end up stewing in this for far too long.  Some results of this are an inability to communicate effectively with them when I have an opportunity to get my point across, and a lack of empathy and compassion for what they themselves are dealing with.

Recognizing that this behaviour of mine needs to change, I wondered where it started in my life.  While I was brushing my teeth one evening, God began to align thoughts and recollections in my head...

In grades 3 and 4,  I was very keen and motivated to learn - I loved learning and school, and my parents encouraged me to do my best.  I had an intense, deep sense that it was my responsibility to learn, and I didn't want to let anyone down.  I'm not sure where those feelings came from or why I had them, but that was just me, then.  *shrug and smile*

Enter my teacher for those two years, Mr. H.  He was great in a lot of ways, and introduced us to many things that have formed and shaped me to this day.  Some examples:  He read two of the Chronicles of Narnia books to us; he played his oboe to us in class; and he had a passion for first nations history and art that I definitely assimilated.  However, he also had a method of keeping the class obedient and submissive that, given my intense desire to learn, broke my heart. 

Looking from the vantage point of 4 more decades of experience, his leadership behaviour was not all that abusive.  He did yell quite loud at times when he was frustrated.  But what really got me was this:  Whenever we started a new subject in class, he'd ask us to take those books out of desks to get prepared.  If we did this too loud, he'd tell us to put our books back in our desks and have us wait.  Each time this happened during a day, the wait would be longer... first 5 minutes.  Then 10 or so, but randomly longer.  There were some days where we did nothing - no school work at all - because we'd been talking too much in our transition between subjects.  I felt all this doing nothing was letting my family and myself down, because it was my responsibility to learn.  I had no control over how loud my classmates were.  I didn't feel I could talk to anyone about it.  I felt terrible, and quietly wept in class at my desk many times as we waited, adding embarrassment to my frustration.   I believe I've had trust issues with certain leadership/authority figures every since then, perhaps due to a lack of forgiveness and a 'bitter seed' of sorts that was planted in my heart at that time.

Considering forgiveness
Image by Pexels from Pixabay

A Prayer...

Oh God, help me to forgive my teacher and the students, and the leaders that I've had since then with whom I've felt awkward and suspicious.  They had no way to know what kind of impact these things would have on me.  Help me to learn to love them again, and view them with empathy and compassion for the situations they were/are dealing with.  Forgive me for harbouring bitter thoughts and blame against them.  Help me to trust you, and leave these situations, concerns, frustrations, and fallout in your capable hands.  Thank you, that you are more than able to restore and heal everyone concerned, and help us to receive your healing.

A Real Escape - Journal Early 2020's

The Escape

The Horse and His Boy from C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia was one of my favourite books to read as a child.  With a book and my imagination I could lose my life and find a different one for a while.  What an escape!  I'd finish the book and feel sad and wistful.  Back to reality, schoolwork, chores and music practice at home.  I wanted a life like Shasta, the protagonist in The Horse and His Boy - non-stop adventure, travel, heroism, a girlfriend...

A couple years later I went to see Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back as a double feature.  I had never been to a movie theater before.  I was blown away.  As we drove the 90 minutes back home, the stars in the sky seemed to beckon me,  but I couldn't fly away.  A melancholy ache washed over me as I compared my life with Luke Skywalker... 

Over the years, more books and movies temporarily offered escape followed up by a subsequent rude awaking to real life.  Then came Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and SnapChat.  I could get an escape in minutes instead of hours.  Unfortunately, that escape almost always came with a comparison - my life versus the main character.  My life always seemed to come up short.

A Snapshot Vs. The Truth

Stories and tales are one thing.  True stories and biographies are next level.  Even then, I need to be careful what I absorb, and what I embrace as truth. Is what I see in a moment, a snapshot, a SnapChat, a YouTube video, a movie, a book, the whole truth about someone’s life or the way a life is lived? Can a 30 second video, or a 2 minute movie, a chapter in the Bible, or a book really speak to the entire existence of a life?  

I must realize that all of these mediums only show me snapshots  If I don't remember that, I can fall into a terrible trap.  Comparison is nasty. It turns out one of two ways, and they are both wrong - it’s either I’m better, or I don’t measure up.  More often than not, I don't measure up - whether its someone else's vacation, their car, their fish story, their job, or their adventure.  Its a recipe for depression.

Photo by Mason Kimbarovsky on Unsplash

Escape from 'The Escape'

Jesus offers me an escape from all of this.  He says:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly."  Matthew 11:28-30

I need to put down my phone, my iPad, walk away from my computer desk, and seek first God's kingdom and His will.

When I start reading about the amazing things other people have done, or watching clips or movies of inspirational stories, my ambition gets fired up.  I think I need to DO something impactful!  The Apostle Paul reminds me to: "...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands".  1 Thessalonians 4:11

A final reminder from the prophet Micah as paraphrased by Eugene Peterson in The Message:

"It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour,
    be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don’t take yourself too seriously—
    take God seriously."   Micah 6:8

Finding Your Roots - My Story

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
    dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:3-4

Finding Your Roots

We enjoy watching 'Finding Your Roots' on PBS with Henry Louis Gates Jr.  We quickly get engrossed in the family histories and intrigue that accompanies different celebrities as they discover their ancestry.  I find it easy to wish I had an opportunity to discover my family history with the help of a bunch of experts like Dr. Gates has.  And then I remember, we had something like an episode of Finding Your Roots happen with us more than once!  Here's part 1....

Paul's Birth

My brother and I are Irish twins - 355 days apart - so I remember nothing about his birth.  My parents tell a story though, that when he was born, my Dad's foster Mom looked at him and told my Dad he should really investigate his ancestry.  Why?  My Dad was a foster child.  He became a ward of the government when he was 5 and his mother was no longer considered fit to care for him.  His father wasn't in the picture.  So why would my brother's birth suddenly bring this up?  It seemed my brother looked completely different than me when he was born.  I was fair and blue eyed.  He apparently had almost black hair and dark brown eyes.  Where would this come from?

40 Years Later...

Fast forward 40 years later.  My wife and our kids were visiting my parents, and my Mom asked our daughter what she was learning in school.  Our daughter answered that she was learning about the first nations people of Canada and was keenly interested in them.  She was so engrossed in learning about them that she told my Mom that she wished she could've been born into a first nation.  My Mom smiled and replied, 'Well, you know...' and launched into the story of my brother's birth, what we knew of my Dad's history, and the outside chance that there may be first nations blood in our family line on my Dad's side.  Kornelia was beside herself learning about this, and couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day.

That evening when I was tucking her into bed she brought it all up again.  'Do you think we have some first nations blood in us, Daddy?' she asked.  'That would be so cool if we did...'  I agreed and helped her say her goodnight prayers.  Leaving her room, I wondered if perhaps, with so much information available on the internet, there might be a chance to find some clue or thread of my Dad's family history.  I decided to give a couple searches a whirl....

Knowing my Dad's full name, his birthdate, and the town in which he was born turned out to be the keys to a successful search.  I think a major God wink had something to do with it was well.  :-)  Within an hour, I had unmistakably discovered my Dad in a family tree line (from his real parents) stretching back to the mid-1700's - with several first nations grandmas!  I was beside myself with excitement and couldn't wait to share this news with my kids and my Dad.

Alex McKenzie

The most colourful character discovered in my Dad's history was a fellow named Alex McKenzie.  He is said to possibly be a relative of the explorer Sir Alexander MacKenzie, but there is no proof of that.  Born near Trios-Rivieres, Quebec, Alex was orphaned at 3 years old and sent back to Scotland to be educated and nurtured by his paternal relatives.  Later, back in Canada, Alex snowshoed across northern Alberta by himself, ending up in Peace River.  He worked there for the Hudsons Bay Company as a fur trader for 27 years.  Retiring from fur trading in 1888, he began farming in the area, and was well known for his stories of adventures and escapades as a fur trader in the north.  He died in 1919 from the Spanish flu at 76 years old.

The history I found even included a picture of Alex McKenzie!  Here he's wearing the typical coureur-de-bois outfit, formerly worn by all Hudson’s Bay Company employees and natives in the northern Alberta country – a blue blanket cloth mackinaw with cream blanket cloth cape and red trimmings, a turban cap to match and black pants with trimmings of Indian design.

Its About Identity

We all seem to have an innate desire that surfaces some time in our lives to understand where and whom we come from.  It can help give direction and confirmation to our own sense of purpose, destiny, and self-worth.  My daughter was ecstatic when she learned more about our family history and our roots here in North America.  She wanted to know as much as possible and find out if our first nations relations were close enough to get us any benefits (they weren't).  When I told my Dad about what I'd found of his family history, he was very reserved.  Understandably so, considering his life experience.  It took him a long time to warm up to the idea that he has a genuine family history with real blood relatives still living in the province.  

God knew that many people would struggle with their personal heritage and ancestry.  Wars, divorce, diseases, and other disasters are brutally efficient in wiping out traces of our histories.  In many cases, we may prefer to forget what we know about those who preceded us.  For each of us, though, no matter the background situation, God offers a new life and a new heritage.  He says:

I can give you a new name if you will accept the gift of my Son.
Along with that is a fantastic, eternal inheritance I've prepared for you.
You will have a place at my table, and a room in my house.
You can call me 'Daddy'

(see John 3:16, John 14:3, Psalms 23, Revelation 2:17, Galatians 4:6)

Want to know more?  Contact me at netfocusconsulting@gmail.com

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New Every Morning - Journal Entry Sept 2022

As I've grown older, I begin to recognize patterns and attitudes in my daily living that I didn't pay attention to when I was younger.  For example, I've noticed if I haven't exercised in a while and then a do some intense cardio where I'm breathing hard, the next day or two will find me coughing up phlegm a fair bit.  Its not a cold, my lungs are 'cleaning up'. 

Another example I've noticed is that some evenings when I'm very tired - particularly after a more intense day - my attitude suffers.   My thoughts tend to get quite negative and brooding.  I can be grumpy with others, and I find it much easier to blame God for things and wonder negatively about my station and position in life.

God's Mercies are New Every Morning

But then...  I've also discovered this other amazing thing:  I can go to sleep and wake up in the morning feeling and believing that 'its a new day with new opportunities and new hope!'  I also find it easier to forgive other people and the issues I had with them from yesterday.  I believe God gives me this gift most mornings - I'm able to see my life with a renewed, refreshed perspective.  

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

This might sound a bit silly.  And yes, there are mornings where I definitely get out of the wrong side of the bed and I'm grumpy.  However, for me this 'hope and grace' in the morning is a tangible proof of what the prophet Jeremiah says in Lamentations 3:22-23:  

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

God's grace and mercy is new every morning, for us!  Why wouldn't I want to remember that and take advantage of it?  I try to pray specifically for help with that, every morning!  I want to continue to try and receive and embrace it, whether I feel like it or not.  Will you, too?

May 12, 2020 Feeling Sidelined? Consider Leah

Journal Entry - May 12, 2020

Read about Jacob yesterday and thought about it when I woke up last night.  Actually I started thinking more about Leah. I couldn’t help but notice the contrast in how she named her children compared to how Rachel named hers.  She could have easily named her first son 'Vindicated' like Rachel named her first son.  But she didn’t. Instead the names of her boys are more like ‘God sees’, ‘God hears’, ‘God touches’, ‘Praise God’, ‘Lucky’, and ‘Happy’ while Rachel’s boys are ‘Vindicated’, ‘Fight’. Etc.  Leah must have felt unloved/unfavored by Jacob all her life, yet she seemed to see God's involvement, care, and understanding in her life if the names of her boys are any indication. 

(updated June 1, 2023)

Where did Leah learn about God?  Perhaps from Jacob's story of running for his life from Esau and meeting God at Bethel?  Genesis 29:31,32.  "When God saw that Leah was unloved..."  God sees!  He recognizes when we are overlooked, unloved.  And there is a blessing in that!  "...He enabled her to conceive..."  Leah then acknowledged God in that blessing, in the names of her kids.  How could Jacob ignore that?  Every time he called one Leah's boys he had a reminder that God was with them.  She may have been unloved, but she was still an influence in Jacob's life!  An influence he couldn't ignore and I believe he acknowledged in Genesis 35:3 

When Jacob's clan was meeting Esau, Jacob put Leah and her boys ahead (as a protective buffer?) of him and Rachel   Meanwhile Rachel had idols she stole from her father with her on the camel.  I thought this was a rather interesting contrast in who Jacob's two wives seemed to trust.  Leah seemed to depend on God, Rachel felt more secure with her father's idols.  

Jacob also gave Joseph, Rachel's son, second last in the traditional line of inheritance, the first born son's inheritance.  This bypassed all Leah's sons who were older than him.  Leah was, fortunately I think, dead by this time.  Even at the end of his life, Jacob still appeared to favour Rachel.  I'd like to think God had a little different perspective on it all.  Consider this: The line of Kings of Israel, including King David and ultimately Jesus came through Judah (Leah's son), not Joseph (Rachel's son). 

(updated July 1, 2023)  

I just realized today that in Genesis 49, Jacob (in Egypt) asked to be buried with his fathers and Leah - not with Rachel.  Rachel did not get buried with the rest of the family and Jacob specifically calls that out here, at his death.

In this meditation of mine, I felt God encourage me...  Have I felt like I've been in a rough/challenging situation for a long time?  Like Leah?  Like Job? Like David (with the promise of a throne but running from Saul for years)?  Like Paul (with the thorn in his flesh)?  God is using that situation to sharpen me, hone me, refine my character for Him.  He sees.  He hears.  He cares.

  

I thought I'd look and see if I could find some other journal entries of mine where I felt 'sidelined' or 'passed by'.  Here they are:

January 25, 2018

I slept poorly again last night. Thinking about what i should do in my position at work - what I’m not doing that I should. I constantly this unspoken pressure from others with an agenda to do something else (actually, more than once it’s been a spoken pressure with a specific person). I had some ideas how to resolve this, but after that ‘sleep’ last night, I’ve got nothing. Maybe that’s the way God wants me - completely empty and void of anything good I could offer in and of myself. It would only be grumpy me at this point.

Ugh. Worship practice tonite with church. I came home exhausted and frustrated with God because I just feel totally sidelined and a bit whipped - like I get all the wrong attention. ‘Do it this way’ from three different people at practice. I’m tentative on drums because these builds are too long in my opinion and I don’t know when they are going to stop. The young people on the team are ‘it’. Us older people are good for serving, and that's about it... it’s rather frustrating. To sit back and let others lead and they can’t even follow the click without me. I was kind of hopeless when I got home. Just wondering what I’m doing. It’s more stressful than fun. It just seems like I’m hoeing a really hard row right now. Learning humility, again. People at work aren’t convinced and happy with what I’m doing. With music its the same. I was pretty much at the end of my rope and God lead me to Job chapter 7. I could TOTALLY relate to that. Particularly verses 17 and 18. I’m being refined and nope it’s not comfortable and I have idea if this is going to lead anywhere good. But it’s comforting to know that Job felt the same and that God is testing me. Job 23:10.

May 2, 2017

This cold I've been fighting with for the past week is getting to me. Last night was rough. It seems when I get tired it takes advantage. I was tired and frustrated at work yesterday afternoon. I want to provide value, but my boss doesn't want me to experiment much with the infrastructure it seems. All the stories in the sprint are taken up. I felt like dead weight and sidelined...  again. A week after I turned down that great TCPL contract. How frustrating. 

Job 23:8-10 “I go east, but he is not there. I go west, but I cannot find him. I do not see him in the north, for he is hidden. I look to the south, but he is concealed. But he knows where I am going”  

Can I worship God when I don't feel great and things look frustrating?  Worship is not about getting a feeling.  

Thoughts on Sin (2011)

What is your definition of sin?

Mine, without getting too deep in thought or prose, was 'Something I did wrong that made God sad.' Sin is disobeying God.  Its doing what you weren't supposed to do, or, doing what you were told you

shouldn't do.  Many of us have a set of 'rules' in our minds that we follow - call them morals, your conscience, etc.  If we cross those boundaries, we feel guilty inside.  To me, crossing those boundaries equates to sinning.

But is it really sinning?  What does God define as sin?  I've had some challenging questions cross my mind on this lately, and I'll pass them on to you.

Sampson is a great hero of the Old Testament in the Bible.  Even before he was born, his parents knew he was going to be special. An angel visited them and commanded that he was to be raised a Nazarite.  Nazarites had even more stringent rules to follow that the Israelites.  They weren't allowed to cut their hair, eat or drink anything that came from a vine, and they had to avoid contact with dead bodies - in addition to all the other rules found in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy!  Nazarites were hard-core!  This is the way Sampson grew up.

The interesting thing is, the very first thing that Sampson does as he begins his exploits is take a Philistine wife.  This was a definite no-no according to God's law.  Yet Judges says in 14:4 that "Sampson's father and mother didn't realize that the Lord was behind the request, for God was setting a trap for the Philistines, who at that time were the rulers of Israel."

Interesting.

Sampson was certainly no shining example of how to live a life for God. Looking at the account of his life in Judges, one could easily conclude that he violated his Nazarite vow and God's laws on a number of occasions, was controlled by sensuality, and used his gifts and abilities unwisely.  Yet, in the faith chapter in Hebrews 11, Sampson is called one who "...trusted in God and ...received what God had promised."  So how do I reconcile the things he did during his life with his calling, and what I find in Hebrews 11?  How come God's opinion of Sampson (I would say that is what we find in Hebrews) is what it is?

Continuing to ponder...

Another example.  We all know a lot about the story of David, so I won't go into it in detail.  But consider what David does when he's chased by Saul.  In 1 Samuel 21, David goes to the city of Nob to see Ahimelech, the priest. David lied when the priest asked about why David was there, and then David took the Bread of the Presence for his men to eat.  This was consecrated bread which only priests were supposed to eat.  Technically two sins: the lie, and taking/eating the bread.

Curiously, Jesus used this story about David as an example when his disciples were accused of breaking the law (sinning) because they were picking grain on a holy day, the Sabbath.  Madeline L'Engle in her book Sold Into Egypt, made a comment referencing this circumstance, which in turn, served as the catalyst for the compilation of thoughts in this post.  She said, "Jesus was sinless not because he didn't do wrong things:  he broke the law, picking corn, for instance, on the Sabbath."  L'Engle goes on to say, "Jesus was sinless because He never for a moment separated from the Source."

There is an interesting verse in Paul's book to the Romans.  He makes quite a simple statement actually, saying (14:23) '..whatever is done without faith is sin.'  So if I truly believe I should do something, I'm all good.  But believing isn't enough.  I actually need to DO it.  James 4:17 says: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."  Its a faith/conscience mindset as well as trying to stay in constant contact (communion) with God.  I have to trust that His Spirit of Truth will lead me into all truth.  Trust that God will continue to hold me in His hands even when I make inadvertent blunders that others could consider 'sin.'

I sometimes seem to ignore/tolerate certain 'wrong things' like lying, and eating bread you weren't supposed to.  A discussion like this maybe isn't such a big deal.  Change the context of the conversation a bit, and suddenly this discussion takes on a whole new perspective....

What about abortion?   What about gay marriage?  Do people choose to do these things even when they know they are wrong?  Is it still wrong when they believe its the right thing and they don't know any different?  Am I sinning by judging them?

Honestly, I haven't thought all that through.   Its definitely good food for thought.  There's a lot I haven't covered here.  Wrapping it up, Paul says in Romans "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  That includes me.  I need to receive AND extend God's grace and forgiveness.  And I need to trust that He will show me the things He wants me to do, and the things He wants me NOT to do....  and then be obedient.  Easier said than done sometimes.

My Struggle With The Sovereignty of God (2006)

Maybe when you were growing up, you played with a game called a Labyrinth.  It had a steel ball

that you had to navigate through a maze by means of two dials on the sides of the game.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the steel ball and I don't know where I'm going in life or what I'm doing here.  When I get really frustrated or 'lost' in a sense at a dead-end, I find I often start to blame God.  'Why do other people seem to have it so easy, God....  Why do I feel like I'm stuck in this set of circumstances and I can't get out.. serving you sure makes my life a lot more difficult'  etc.

God speaks to people with attitudes like this in a couple of books in the bible.  Its interesting too, because both texts begin with the same example from Genesis - 'Jacob I loved, Esau I hated.'  Romans starts like this in chapter 9, and it goes on to say in the living translation..  'And God said this before the children were even born, before they had done anything either good or bad.  This proves that God was doing what he had decided from the beginning; it was not because of what the children did but because of what God wanted and chose.'

Whoa.  Is that fair?  Sounds almost like pre-destination to me.

Listen to the writer continue in Romans... 'Was God being unfair?  Of course not.  For God has said to Moses, "If I want to be kind to someone, I will.  And I will take pity on anyone I want to."  And so God's blessings are not given just because someone decides to have them or works hard to get them.  They are given because God takes pity on those He wants to.'

Wow.  So then it seems like I could say that its not fair for God to blame me for the bad things I've done.  Haven't I just done what He made me do?

'No don't say that!' the writer in Romans says (chapter 9 verse 20).  'What are you to criticize God?  Should the thing made say to the one who made it, "Why have you made me like this?"  When a man mades a jar out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar beautiful, to be used for holding flowers, and another to throw garbage into?'

Ouch.  I pondered this a bit more, taking this train of thought...  'Well its easy for God to write in the bible like that.  With the exception of a prophet or two in the old testament, most of the characters in the Bible had happy endings to their stories.  They turned out to be heroes, or God blessed them in some way or another.  So really, the Bible is about people who God had pity on and decided to turn into beautiful flower vases.'

Then God reminded me of a book I had read some time ago by Gene Edwards called 'The Prisoner in

the Third Cell'.  The main character is John the Baptist.  He was definitely chosen by God, but his life was no walk in the park.  He grew up in the desert, and knowing that he was called by God he stayed in the desert, restricting his diet to nothing I would eat.  Then he began his ministry, preaching and baptizing, knowing that he was preparing the way for 'the bridegroom'.  Once Jesus came on the scene, it wasn't too long before John was thrown in prison.  And there he gets one of his disciples to ask Jesus a telling question.  'Are you really the Messiah?  Or shall we keep looking for him." Jesus doesn't try answer John personally.  He says, in not so many words - look at what I'm doing - and finishes his answer with 'Blessed is the one who does not lose faith in me.'  A few days later, John was beheaded.

The Sovereignty of God.  We certainly don't sing about it much in church.  Its not really a message that gives me the warm fuzzies.

Malachi was the other book in the bible that talks about God's sovereignty, also starting with Jacob and Esau.  Chapter 3 ends with some poignant thoughts that seem to echo the thoughts I hear sometimes in my head.  'It is foolish to worship God and obey him.  What good does it do to obey his laws, and to sorrow and mourn for our sins?  For  now on, as far as we're concerned, "Blessed are the arrogant."  For those who do evil shall proper, and those who dare God to punish them shall get off scot-free.'

Of course, the book doesn't end that way.  But sometimes it seems like some days of our lives do end like that.  And you know what?  Be Encouraged!  Even if you do have days that end with thoughts going through your head similar to the audience that Malachi was writing to, at the end of it all, 'The Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings.'  I also take encouragement from a verse Romans 'It God's kindness that leads us to repentance'.  It gives me a reason as to why people who don't currently acknowledge God seem to have it so good.  And finally, keep the faith.  Don't let your current trials push you away from God.  Remember the seed that fell on the good soil, and then let the worries and cares and trials of this life (the weeds) choke it.  Romans chapter 9 ends with a reminder that the Jews 'stumbled over the great stumbling stone.'  And what was that?  'They were trying to be saved by keeping the law and being good instead of by depending on faith ... Those who believe in Jesus will never be disappointed'.

The India Trip - Learning to Trust God - Part 1

If you've ever done short-term missions work, you'll likely have heard it said (or been told) that God does as much work in you as He does through you.

David, Joanne, and I at the gate about to leave DFW airport
for the first leg of our trip to Gatwick, England.

I certainly felt that way on my trip to India & Pakistan.

Throughout that time God was showing me that I could trust Him - that He'd take care of me as I travelled, that we'd get to places we needed to on time, and that we'd be safe and healthy.  Why was this important to me?  Well...

When I was about 6, my parents had arranged for us to go to see Mr. Dressup 'live'.  This was a big deal to me because he was the Canadian version of 'Mr. Rogers' and I had watched him on TV for most of my life - all 6 years of it.  Somehow it turned out that we got to the venue late.  There was a huge lineup, blocks long, and we weren't going to make it to the show.  I was terribly disappointed.  Following that incident, I always wanted to be early to any kind of show or important engagement we went to, and I would get nervous and uptight if it looked like we were going to be late.  

Myself, Joanne, & David after our first?
round of inoculations before leaving

India & Pakistan aren't great places to go for someone with this kind of 'hang-up'.  But God was on my side.  

I was travelling with two friends that I knew from the ministry I volunteered at in Texas.  Our plan was to travel for 9 weeks and visit 8 cities across India and Pakistan, helping YWAM bases and other missionaries while we were there.  We hadn't even left the States before challenges to my peace of mind started to arise....

We all required Indian visas in our passports before we left.  This meant we had to send our passports to the Indian Consulate in San Fransisco.  Our visa approvals got delayed and three days before we were due to fly out we still had not received our passports back from the consulate.  There wasn't really much we could do about the situation except pray, and so pray we did.  And the day before we were scheduled to leave, our passports arrived complete with visas.  You wanna talk about elation!  We were all so relieved.  It would have been terrible to lose the money on changing our flights and have to reschedule a bunch of things.  God had come through!

Click here for more true stories of God working in my life
The India Trip - Learning to Trust God - Part 2
The India Trip - Learning to Trust God - Part 3

Balance in my Life

I just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan a couple of days ago.  My wife and I are going to be leading a small group based on the book, so this was a reading exercise in 'advance preparation' for that.  I hadn't previously read the book and it honestly went a

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

different direction that I thought it was going to go.  Its going to be an interesting small group this fall!  :-)

I had no problems with the first couple of chapters.

However, starting with chapter 4 'Profile of the Lukewarm' and moving onto chapters 5 & 6 'Serving Leftovers to a Holy God', and 'Your Best Life.... Later', I started to get unsettled.  Francis was saying great things - stuff I actually think about quite often - and I began to wonder about him, and about myself, and doubt my salvation...   Well, not quite, but almost.  It shook me up enough that I did a quick study on the whole 'Once saved, always saved' issue.  I had no idea that was such a contentious issue for some people.  See a great discussion on it I found here

Fortunately, I pushed through and finished the book because Francis provided the balance that I needed to hear in his last couple chapters.  I get easily motivated to do things like 'sell the house, quit my job, and move to India and build an orphanage' after reading chapters 4, 5, and 6.  Chapter 10 brought me back to 'centre', and I loved this paragraph:

"Most of us use 'I'm waiting for God to reveal His calling on my life' as a means of avoiding action.  Did you hear God calling you to sit in front of the tv yesterday?...  the point isn't that watching tv is wrong, but that we are quick to rationalize our entertainment priorities but slow to commit to serving God."

Considering all of this, how do I work out my salvation and my calling to serve God with 'fear and trembling', and yet cultivate a relationship with Him that motivates me to serve Him?

• Trust God to show me the right way.. and validate it by keeping an eye on the fruit in my life...  Are my choices bearing good fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, etc.)?  
• Remember the things He's doing in and through my life here and now and stop comparing myself with others!  
• Balancing my 'calling' with my 'responsibilities'.  I felt for years that I was not using my music ability to its full potential.  Family responsibilities got in the way.  When I brought the problem and my frustration to God, after a while He directed me to use my music in ways I hadn't thought of before (outside of a church in a hospital & and school) that were super meaningful to myself as well as to people on the receiving end, and I didn't have to shirk family responsibilities.
• Remember that God has perfect balance - while He's motivating us with the messages to the seven churches in the book of Revelation, He's ALSO drawing us to Himself with encouragement like Ephesians 1:4: "Long before He laid down the earth's foundations, God had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His Love."
• Remember the balance between Doing & Being (I wrote about that recently here)
• Remember that Jesus came to the earth "...full of grace and truth."  John 1:14.  Pastor Rick said this to me some time ago and I've never forgotten it.  Balance in grace and truth.  Not just balance, but FULL of both at the same time!  How does that look?  What was Jesus like for John to have written that? 
  The fact that Jesus and others in the Bible (John in Revelation) used fear as a tactic in their messages to motivating people to change has bothered me for some time.  But when I consider that through the context of John 1:14, it changes.  Jesus was full of grace as well.  God speaks and He allows us to hear what we need to hear, if our hearts are humble and open.  

Doing or Being?

I had the title and some notes for this post written down, but when I went to actually write it, something else came out.  You can read about it here.  It is kinda related to this post, but they are quite different, so I'm going to try and write 'Doing or Being' now, here.

Both posts started out with pretty much the same opening paragraph....

I usually take a bit of a break from volunteering over the summer because I'm pretty busy over the course of the school year.  However this summer, our church was needing some help with music (people going on vacation, etc.) and I felt God telling me to help since we had no major vacation plans.  Bible verses like 'Don't be weary in well doing...' Gal. 6:9, 'Cast your bread upon the waters...' Eccl 11:1, and the idea of 'scattering seed' Matt. 23 kept bouncing around in my head.   I agreed to help, and ended up being busy almost all summer - either playing or leading.  I don't take these commitments lightly - there's practice and preparation involved before each week.  For the most part, I enjoy doing it.  After everything is over on Sunday afternoon, I'm wiped.  I think I'm getting older.

...and here the posts diverged....

Considering my 'tiredness' further, there's more to it than my advancing age as I'm not that old.  Two years ago I started working at a 'Start-Up' (new IT company).  They paid quite a bit less than I was used to getting remunerated as an IT contractor, so to supplement my income I used the majority of my vacation time to teach courses at SAIT.  As a result, I haven't had a significant vacation/break in a while, and I think I'm feeling it.

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

I've also discovered that I am more susceptible to getting depressed when I'm tired.  When Friday has rolled around lately, I'm not much good for anything except an argument... and that's no good.  And then towards the evenings on days when I'm quite tired my thoughts tend to head in a negative direction that cause me to pause when I reflect on them later.  Thoughts like....

"God, look at the things I've done for You!  Remember how I gave all of my life in the prime of my life for You?  And there's a potential that all my 'good works' will burn up in Your refiner's fire?  What am I doing this for, then?  How do I know I'm not wasting myself for nothing...."

Doing or Being?  This is definitely a challenge I've wrestled with for a long time.  The Bible has scriptures like the ones above that encourage us to 'DO.'  They seem to connotate several things:

1. You're actually doing something in each case.  Works - 'Well doing'....   'throwing bread'....  and 'casting seeds.'  
2. Time is involved - something easily forgotten in this context.  Time you could have been spending with family, or on vacation, or educating yourself further with your job, or just resting.
3. Hope is involved.  The sower isn't guaranteed that every seed will grow into a harvest.  Casting your bread on the waters doesn't guarantee a fish or a duck supper.  
4. Even more than hope, faith must involved.  I tend to get caught up in the task itself, comparing my work with others, and forget to apply faith.  As soon as faith leaves the picture, I get into that tizzy of thoughts above because throwing resources away doesn't make any rational sense.

The Bible says that 'without faith it is impossible to please God', and 'whatever is not of faith is sin.'  Chapters 3 & 4 of the book of Hebrews also talks about how faith helps us find rest in God.  I think part of the balance between Doing & Being (resting) is found in faith.  Listen to this from Hebrew 4:1-3:

"For as long, then, as the promise of resting in Him pulls us on to God's goal for us, we need to be careful that we're not disqualified.  We received the same promises as those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn't do them a bit of good because they did didn't received them with faith.  If we believe, though, we'll experience that state of resting.  But not if we don't have faith..."

The question for me then becomes: How to grow and maintain faith so when I actually 'do' things, my attitudes and thoughts don't go down the drain?

I can think of several ways:

1. Remembering that its not religion, but relationship.  Its not about doing things to get ahead or get in 'right standing' with God.  There's nothing I can DO to help that - He's done it all.  When I understand His heart for me and for the people around me, and I do things for Him from that position and context, He can work in me and through me - faith automatically becomes infused in what I do.
2. Reading the Bible and meditating on it.  The Bible says "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God" Romans 10:17.  I need to watch what I feed my mind with.  Its like eating and the old adage - you are what you eat.  In this case though, its what I choose to feed my mind and my spirit with.  Proverbs 15:14 says "A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while a fool feeds on trash."
3. Remembering what God has done for me.  When I remember that God has done things for me in the past - how He's moved in my life - I believe it keeps my faith alive and growing.  This was an important exercise for the people in the bible.  I'm trying to do that here.
4. I have to trust God.  Hebrews 12:2 says He's the 'author and perfecter of our faith.'  Its not the amount of faith I have that matters, its Who my faith is in and what He can do.  That's a comforting thought.

Worship This Summer (2018)

I usually take a bit of a break from volunteering over the summer because I'm pretty busy over the course of the school year.  However this summer, our church was needing some help with music (people going on vacation, etc.) and I felt God telling me to help since we had no major vacation plans.  Bible verses like 'Don't be weary in well doing...' Gal. 6:9, 'Cast your bread upon the waters...' Eccl 11:1, and the idea of 'scattering seed' Matt. 23 kept bouncing around in my head.   I agreed to help, and ended up being busy almost all summer - either playing or leading.  I don't take these commitments lightly - there's practice and preparation involved before each week.  For the most part, I enjoy doing it.  After everything is over on Sunday afternoon, I'm wiped.  I think I'm getting older.

The band's schedule was ironed out as the summer progressed, so I didn't actually know what my full engagement level and responsibilities would be over the course of the summer until the second week of August.  As summer began, I had been asked to lead the band earlier in July, which I agreed to.  I ended up getting a nasty cold at the beginning of July that hung on all through the month and wore me down a bit.  I could sing, but I tired easily.  After leading on July 15th, I wrote in my journal '...and while the band did well, I didn't think or feel like worship was anything special.  No one said anything about it.  So I let it go and was fine with never leading worship again at church.'

Several thoughts here:

1. We have a lot of good worship leaders at church.  I was a little surprised to be asked to lead, but I always try and do my best.  Writing that journal entry, I was more resigned to the fact that I'm getting older, maybe a bit out of date, and there is a new generation that is more motivated.  I was OK with letting go dreams and desires of being involved in church in the capacity of a worship leader - that is more what that written comment was about.
2. I read an interesting post on the 'Worship Leaders Collective' Facebook group this morning that went like this:
         Random church-goer: "I didn't really like worship today"
         Response:  "That's fine.  We weren't worshipping you"
   That's not meant to be a dig at any one individual or a group.  For me its a good reminder not to look at the outside response.
3. Its a bit disturbing how easily I throw out absolute thoughts and/or words like 'never'.  A similar word that my wife often catches me with is 'always'.  I think/speak in exaggerations like this to make a point, but I think sometimes they cross a line.  I need to be careful with what I say and think!

Ironically, a couple days after writing that journal entry, I was rather surprised when I got asked to help lead again - two more Sundays in August.  I agreed again.  With both of these I wasn't entirely sure what kind of band I'd be playing with as schedules were getting juggled, which added a bit to the burden.  In situations where things happen that are outside of my control, I've come to a point where I just commit everything to God and leave it in His hands.  I do my part and let Him take care of the rest.  If the mid-week rehearsal is cancelled because the sound guy is on holidays, I try to come more prepared on Sunday.  Even then, I later wrote in my journal after one of the services:  "I don't know if I've ever felt more inadequate before leading a worship service."  That's a good place to be though, given what Paul said in 2 Cor. 12:10.  "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, ... in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

Its been amazing to me how God comes through when I let go and learn to trust Him.  I'm realizing that my perspective of 'how things went' is not something I should focus on.  God has His own way of using lyrics and words to impact His people... He places ideas and thoughts into people's minds based on their experiences - things I'd have no idea about - that end up having a greater influence and influence than I could ask or even hope to accomplish.

Its funny.  This post was supposed to be about 'Doing or Being' but I got totally side-tracked writing about something else.  Guess I had to get it off my chest.

April 22, 2018 - God, Change and Me

God's character doesn't change.   He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Something I realize though, is that our actions dictate - to some degree - how God acts toward us.  Examples?

• Abraham interceding with God over Sodom and Gomorrah.
• God's covenant to David (his house will reign forever)
• Jeremiah at the potter's house and the nation of Israel

In all of these situations, there was an agreement involved.  People needed to act thusly and a certainly response was warranted.  If they didn't, God said he would respond a different way.  Its not that God 'changes His mind.'  

In the past couple of days I felt like God was speaking to me about the last two examples above.  I didn't (and I'm not sure I still) understand the context behind why God is highlighting these examples for me right now.  Originally I was thinking 'maybe, now that I'm more on a right track with my relationship with Him, things will change for me for the better.'  I'm not yet convinced of that, and consequently I remain hesitant and uncertain about why God is pointing these verses out to me.

Why am I not yet convinced?  Why am I uncertain?  Simply - stuff happens that makes me wonder or doubt that 'the good option' might be the case.  Case in point?  I read about David and Solomon and the covenant that God put in place for them this morning, and I wondered why this idea of 'God seemingly changing His mind' was coming up again.  While I was pondering this and getting ready, the thought came 'perhaps its meant in a good way?  Things will change for the better?'  I thought 'Cool!  I'll take that!'

I was on for playing acoustic guitar and church today and I played and worshipped my heart out.  I felt like my monitor was low, and asked for it to be turned up.  In the end, I was told that I had been accidentally muted.  Groan.  I wasn't originally scheduled to play this week.  I had been asked to rescheduled so that we could have a full band for the first day our new worship pastor was in church.  But then, why play if I'm muted?  lol   I get it - mistakes happen.  But man, sometimes it can be frustrating, and it DOES make me wonder what God is up to...

My Testimony Based on Chapter 37 of PDL

"Be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain the hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect."

I want to be a 'natural enthusiast' for God.

In Chapter 37 of The Purpose Drive Life, Rick challenges the reader to write out the answers to the questions below so that they are ready to be a witness for God.  Here's the questions with my answers:

What My Life was Like Before I Met Jesus?

For a long time I thought that I had to act a certain way and do certain things to be a good Christian.  I believed that if I was good, and tried to do good things, God would be pleased and reward me.  I grew up in a church, but I didn't really understand who Jesus was.  I could say and do all the right things, but inside I was completely out of touch with Jesus.  As a result, I was probably one of the 'church people' that could turn you off.

I was unloving, self-centred, and unfulfilled.

Back then, and sometimes even now, there are days/times even now when, if I don't include God in my day, my life can feel like its missing meaning or purpose.  'Meaning' and 'purpose' can be overused, rather generic terms.  Hopefully this will clarify:  I get bored quickly.  I can discover something on my own and it can be novel, interesting, and fill me with purpose and meaning for a while, but if I can't share it with someone - if there isn't meaning and purpose in it beyond myself - I lose interest, and I end up asking myself why I'm doing it...  what's the point?

How I Realized I Needed Jesus

This was more difficult because I had to realize that I didn't really understand Jesus, who He was, and what He was about.  How do you convince someone (me) who thinks he has something that he doesn't really have it?

Slowly, over many years and through a number of experiences, I've come to see (and frankly, I continue to realize) that I was spiritually bankrupt:

• I'd compare my life with others and think 'There's love and joy oozing out of them... why do I feel like I have to conjure it up?'  I'd look in the Bible and compare my life to how it said I should live and I felt like I came up short.  I'd try to do what I felt God wanted me to and it felt unnatural - like it wasn't really me.
• I'd reach a goal or pinnacle in my life and realize that its empty, and there's always something 'more' to strive for.  That was disheartening.
• I'd do things for me, and it felt empty.  Sure, there were sometimes cool stories to tell, but looking at the broad scope of things, it was temporal fluff.  The Bible says 'God has placed eternity in the heart of man'  What would my legacy be?  I'd feel legacy-less.  If that feeling was true, then what was the point of life and living?

Growing up, I memorized a lot of verses from the Bible, but never really understood their implication - what they should really mean to me.  It was like learning a lot of vocabulary from another language, but not really being able to speak the language at all because you don't know the grammar or how to put the words together in a sentence.  

Keith Green said something that has always impacted me: 

'Saying a prayer doesn't mean you're a Christian, people in every religion pray.  Praying to Jesus doesn't make you a Christian.  Jesus said many shall come in my name saying "Lord, Lord, didn't we heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons, and all kinds of stuff", but Jesus will respond and say "Depart from me, I never knew you."  You want to know what a Christian is?  I've got a really good definition  -- Someone who's bananas for Jesus!  Someone who loves the Lord with all his heart, all his mind, all his soul, and all his strength.  And don't forget the second part!  He loves everyone else as much as he loves himself.'

Was I loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?  Did I believe that Jesus was The Way, The Truth, and The Life?  Did I believe that Jesus paid it all on the cross for me - that there is nothing I can DO to put myself in right standing with God?  

How I Committed My Life to Jesus

I had to realize that my new life in Jesus happens only by believing and trusting in Him to save me from my dead life.  There was nothing else I could DO to be saved.  There are some days even now when I need to re-realize this.

Daily, I offer God my life.  I try and trust and believe in Jesus' work on the cross for me, and I try to follow and trust him.  For me it doesn't feel like a one-time thing - its something I need to do every day.  Some days I do it better than others as I learn to be consistent in trusting in what He's done and what He continues to do in me.  I do this by asking God to forgive me as I forgive those who've sinned against me, and offering God my life everyday praying 'Your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven in my life today.'   And then I try and be obedient to His guidance in my life, remembering what He has done for me, and how much He loves me - I really need to work on that.  I feel that if I understood the magnitude of His love better in my life, a lot of things would be even more different (isn't that great english?) than they are now.

The Difference Jesus Has Made in My Life

Its like there's a whole new dimension to living when I try and live with Jesus at the centre of my life.  Not only am I making a difference for eternity, but I know that I am unconditionally loved by the One who matters most.  My life has more meaning and purpose.  There are moments when I know I'm exactly where God wants me to be, doing what God wants me to do, and the feeling of purpose and fulfillment I get from that is unparalleled. 

I'm more empathetic, forgiving, graceful, and understanding of others as I learn to receive God's love, forgiveness, and grace in my own life.

April 20th, Being A Witness Part II

Two Opportunities

Interesting that my last post was about learning how to naturally talk about God with people who don't know Him...  Out of the blue, twice in one day I had an opportunity to be a witness for God and felt like I missed both opportunities.

First, one of the Quality Assurance team leads at work started a conversation with me by my desk.  We talked about our plans for the next year or so and what our kids were doing since they are around the same ages.  It turned out that her oldest daughter goes to school where our church meets on Sundays (our church meets in their school gym).  We talked about the church for a bit and it was a pristine opportunity for me to invite her out to church, but I didn't.  Arg.

My second opportunity came when my recruiter took me out to lunch.  It was the first time I had an opportunity to really chat with her one on one.  For a millennial, she was much more forthright and honest about where she was at in life than I thought she'd be.  I was surprised.

At one point in the conversation we talked about how life is a bit of a rat race.  How it would be nice to find a work/life balance so that one could travel if and when they wanted to and not have to worry about bills or finding a job when they get back.  This made me think of the book The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris - so I recommended it to her.

Later though, given the different directions the conversation took, I found myself thinking that I'm a pretty good evangelist for certain ideas (and books), but I'm a pretty big chicken when it comes to sharing what I believe.  Sigh.

This is all frustrating in a way, and certainly leaves me with questions.  I want to be sensitive and not be 'fanatical' about my faith, and yet I also want to be naturally enthusiastic about it.  Something tells me that I still haven't yet experienced God's love in a way that makes me want to be that kind of 'natural enthusiast' about God.  There's something to hope for, shoot for, look forward to.

I've been going over that second opportunity in my mind for the last 24 hours.  In a situation like that, I need to share what my experience was when I didn't have purpose and meaning in my life, and how God changed that.  I shouldn't be saying 'you need to try this!'  Rather, 'here's what I found!'  And then think 'How can I share with this person's open heart so that if I never got an opportunity to talk to this person again I'd feel good about how things were left?

Would you agree?

April 15, 2018 Being a Witness

For some reason in the last week, off and on, the word I keep getting from God is about 'being a witness'.  Chapter 37 in Purpose Driven Life talks about this about, and I like what Rick W. says.  Being a witness is simply, naturally, saying what happened to me.  Sharing my experience with God.  That shouldn't be so difficult.

My wife and I started watching an interesting detective show in PBS - Unforgotten.  I'm amazed at how they can take one crime story and turn the investigation into a 6 part, 12 hour mini-series.  After watching the second episode this evening, I rather enjoying it and was curious if anyone at work is watching it as well.  More to the point - I had a natural desire to about what I enjoyed and experienced with others about this show....  Why isn't it quite the same with God and church?  Why is it so easy for me to 'be a witness' about a well written TV show than it is to be a witness for God?

I think my faith and perspective factor into these questions.  Do I really believe, all the time, everyday, in what I say that God is doing for me?  Am I letting/allowing God make a positive impact on my life, daily?  If I'm not mixing faith and a heavenly perspective with events that happen in my life on a daily basis, I'm losing out on seeing and believe God work in my life, and consequently on opportunities to naturally be a witness.

What a struggle.  Independence and self-sufficiency is so ingrained in me.  'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.'  The verse seems appropriate to this train of thought I'm on.  I've really got to do every bit of that verse better, more often.