90s Europe Trip - Vienna

My second overseas trip was to Europe.  Many of my friends had already been to or lived in Europe in some form or fashion and I had heard all of their stories and was itching to get there myself.  I had several reasons for going:

1. My main motivation for the trip was to go to Poland and meet the family of my girl friend, Ewa.  I needed to know if I could live in Poland as I was considering marrying her.  Consequently getting exposure to the culture and language was pretty important to me.
2. I wanted to spend some time with a great friend of mine, Kevin,  in Holland.  I had met him in Texas, and he had been working and living in Holland for close to a year and I wanted to catch up with him.
3. I had some graphic arts film negatives to deliver to an organization in Austria.  They were translating some Christian discipleship tracts into various eastern European languages and the art work for these tracts was on the film I was delivering.
4. I wanted to accompany a professor of mine and visit our mutual friend Janis, in his home country, Latvia.  I had worked and gone to school with him in Texas for a while and I wanted to see him in his home country.

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.  2 Thessalonians 2:16,17

My trip lasted from the middle of December 1993 to April 1994.  In February, Ewa and I travelled by bus from Poland through the Czech Republic to Vienna, Austria.  I was delivering the graphic arts film for translations to an organization called Operation Mobilization in Spillern, a suburb of Vienna.  We had also arranged stay there for a week.  It ended up being quite cold that particular week and we were mostly using public transportation to get around.  I was glad I had packed the warm clothes I did, but we'd still return to our dorms with numb hands and feet. 

In a square in Vienna

Several things happened on that trip that were memorable and highlighted God's faithfulness to me...

The Couple from Brazil

Unfortunately, I'm having to recall these details from memory because several years of my journals were lost to mold and mildew in storage.  As I mentioned above, one of the main reasons for this trip was to discover if Ewa was to be my 'forever partner.'  I had proposed to her earlier on the trip on New Year's Eve, but life happens and I was beginning to question if getting married then was a good idea .  One of the reasons for my hesitation was Ewa is almost 7 years older than me.  

While Spillern we met some of the staff working with the Operation Mobilization office there.  We had an engaging discussion with a married couple that were from Brazil - and it turned out she was also older than he was.  Unfortunately I don't remember their names now, but they invited us over for dinner one evening, and shared their story with us.  Hearing the story of how they met and their encouragement, I felt God encouraging me that this relationship with Ewa would have His blessing and work out.  God provided the confirmation I needed on that significant life decision!

Ewa's Surprises

Ewa had come with me on this trip because she hadn't been to Austria before and she had time available.  I had limited contact with the people at the Spillern OM office before arriving, so we weren't sure what to expect.  Ewa knew no one.  My only acquaintance there was my contact, and as it turned out, I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

We finally met my contact in the middle of our week there (he did a lot of travelling).  In talking with him, we discovered that the name I knew him by, 'Charles', was actually a pseudonym (for safety and anonymity) because he spent most of his time smuggling Christian literature into communist countries.  This was a bit of a surprise to me, but immediately reminded me of Brother Andrew and one of my favourite books - God's Smuggler.

Charles then proceeded to ask Ewa if she knew any pastors in Poland.  Ewa actually knew quite a few pastors in Poland because of her previous years working as a liaison between the Polish Baptist Union and the Southern Baptists of North Carolina.  It turned out that Ewa and Charles knew several of the same Polish pastors.  He asked Ewa if she remember times when a truck would arrive in the middle of the night at her church in Czestohowa with a 'delivery', which she recalled.  He said 'I helped drive those trucks to that church!'  Talking further, we discovered that Ewa's first Bible, and much of the edible provisions that she received from that church during her time at college in Czestohowa were from those truck deliveries from the OM office in Austria!  This was very encouraging 'devine appointment' for both Charles and Ewa.  God's provision of encouragement.

Ewa

Even back then, Austria was expensive and we were both on budgets.  Ewa was quite concerned about how much money she had left.  Towards the env of our week there, Ewa came back to her room after we had been out and found a note with money for her on her bed.  She was so happy and thankful for this, God's provision again.  We were so encourage in our trip to Vienna.

90s Europe Trip - The Bad Passport
90s Europe Trip - The Engagement Ring
Living in Warsaw

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90s Europe Trip - The Bad Passport

My second overseas trip was to Europe.  Many of my friends had already been to or lived in Europe in some form or fashion.  I had heard their stories and was itching to get there myself.  I had several reasons for going:

1. My main motivation for the trip was to go to Poland and meet the family of my girl friend, Ewa.  I needed to know if I could live in Poland as I was considering marrying her.  Consequently getting exposure to the culture and language was pretty important to me.
2. I wanted to spend some time with a great friend of mine, Kevin,  in Holland.  I had met him in Texas, and he had been working and living in Holland for close to a year and I wanted to catch up with him.
3. I had some graphic arts film negatives to deliver to an organization in Austria.  They were translating some Christian discipleship tracts into various eastern European languages and the art work for these tracts was on the film I was delivering.
4. I wanted to accompany a professor of mine and visit our mutual friend Janis, in his home country, Latvia.  I had worked and gone to school with him in Texas for a while and I wanted to see him in his home country.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your life;  the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.  Psalm 121:7-8  

Canadian Embassy - Warsaw

My trip lasted from the middle of December 1993 to April 1994.  I spent the Christmas holidays with Ewa's family and had a great time with them.  In the middle of January, we travelled to Warsaw so I could get Visas for my other trips.  At that time I needed Visa's for my stay in Latvia as well as a transit visa for my passage through the Czech Republic to Austria.  However, when I stopped at the Canadian Embassy in Warsaw to ask a question, they examined my passport and asked me (really, they politely confiscated my passport and told me) to get a new one.  It turned out that the lamination on the ID page of my passport was coming off.  

They said passport could look faked because of the delamination and as a result it could get confiscated at a boarder crossing.  Suddenly our time in Warsaw got much busier.  I had to get a new passport photos, a new passport, a new Polish Visa, and then get my Visa's for the other countries - all in a week. This was rather frustrating as it cost extra money and time to do all of this.  

Looking back, I can definitely see that God was looking out for me(!) in getting that passport fixed.  It would have been terrible to ride on a bus for several hours only to be turned away at a border crossing because the main page of my passport was delaminating.  In retrospect, I was also very grateful to have several extra days in my schedule, and Ewa's availability and help as a translator and guide to deal with that situation.

90s Europe Trip - The Engagement Ring
90s Europe Trip - Vienna
Living in Warsaw

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90s Europe Trip - The Engagement Ring

 My second overseas trip was to Europe.  Many of my friends had already been to or lived in Europe in some form or fashion and I had heard all of their stories and was itching to get there myself.  I had several reasons for going:

1. My main motivation for the trip was to go to Poland and meet the family of my girl friend, Ewa.  I needed to know if I could live in Poland as I was considering marrying her.  Consequently getting exposure to the culture and language was pretty important to me.
2. I wanted to spend some time with a great friend of mine, Kevin,  in Holland.  I had met him in Texas, and he had been working and living in Holland for close to a year and I wanted to catch up with him.
3. I had some graphic arts film negatives to deliver to an organization in Austria.  They were translating some Christian discipleship tracts into various eastern European languages and the art work for these tracts was on the film I was delivering.
4. I wanted to accompany a professor of mine and visit our mutual friend Janis, in his home country, Latvia.  I had worked and gone to school with him in Texas for a while and I wanted to see him in his home country.

What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.  

Luke 12:6-7

God Cares

I proposed to Ewa on New Years Eve during this trip. We were in a little town called Krynica nestled in the Polish mountains.  Later, we bought an engagement ring together in Wroclaw - you can see the ring in picture.  Ewa was concerned because she knew that people would ask to see the engagement ring, and she had a rather large wart on the middle finger beside her ring finger.  

I don't remember exactly how our conversation went surrounding this concern, but Ewa and I agreed to pray about this wart and ask God to remove it.  We prayed and then moved on to other things.  

God definitely heard that prayer, as within 2-3 weeks the wart on Ewa's finger was completely gone!  

God is our healer and He cares about our concerns!

90s Europe Trip - The Bad Passport
90s Europe Trip - Vienna
Living in Warsaw

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A Calloused Heart

Callouses

Where do callouses come from?  My understanding is that they are the body's healthy response to pain, friction, pressure, irritation...  Callouses on your feet and hands can protect you.  But they can also make the affected areas unfeeling, hard, insensitive, and numb. 

A Calloused Heart

I wouldn't have considered myself hard-hearted.  At least, not until I read these verses from Isaiah - but it didn't use that term.  The line 'Make the heart of this people calloused...' got my attention.  In a sense I may not be hard-hearted, but in a different light...    

This scripture, along with most of the other references to 'hard heartedness' in the Bible speak to this issue from the context of religion and relationship with God.  And that's how I've always considered/measured whether or not my heart was 'hard'.  Pondering this further however, using the 'calloused' connotation, I realized I can also develop callouses on my heart from disharmony, contention, hurt, and strife in a variety of areas:

• My own, personal relationship with God.  Have I ever questioned or blamed God for certain circumstances in my life?  God isn't afraid of honest questions, but as soon as that changes to me blaming Him for a circumstance I find myself in....
• My relationship with my family.  Are there unspoken thoughts of 'why can't they do this?' that boil over into arguments?  Or areas of conversation we intentionally avoid?  Do I ever think 'Why are they bringing this up again?' or 'Why can't they be more....?' or 'That's not fair!'
• My relationship with my church.  Have I been hurt in the past by spiritual leaders I looked up to and respected?  Have I ever felt like I was manipulated, discouraged, taken advantage of, or disapproved by them?

Has hurt, friction, pain, or pressure from any of these areas calloused my heart? Ugh.  Suddenly I feel like David in Psalm 51 - 'Create in me a clean heart, oh God...'  I need a heart transplant.

Diagnosis

How can I tell if I have a calloused heart?  Well, how would I (even mentally) respond to some of the questions or circumstances above?  For me, almost all those hypotheticals bring specific circumstances to mind.  Additionally, I have a couple of litmus tests...

• Can I exercise love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 in the situation? 
• Can I apply the words of Audrey Assad's song 'I shall not want' to the situation? (The song is likely inspired by the Litany of Humility)

Callous Removal

How does one remove callouses?  The best way I know is a soak in water, and then scrape.  I didn't research that answer, it's just the simple and pragmatic solution that has worked for me (I'm a guy, what can I say?)

What about a callous of the heart?  First and foremost, I need to understand that its the kindness of God that leads me to realize I need a renewed heart.  His desire is for my heart to be healed, soft, and whole.  He understands that I didn't intend to get callouses on my heart.  I need to remind myself the He loves me and wants the best for me - His best!  Then, I think I need to:

• Acknowledge the hurt, turn back to God and trust that He is good and has my ultimate-best destiny in His hands..  Basically saying 'Your will be done, God, not mine.  I submit and surrender control of these things that have calloused my heart over to You.'
• Be washed (soaked) in the water of the Word - read and ponder the Bible.  
• Spend time in His presence - in singing worship songs, praying, or simply hanging out with God doing every day things.  

Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell In the House of the Lord

   Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I regularly wake up in the middle of the night and then struggle getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me return to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 8 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  What does it mean - to dwell?  

Dwelling (housing - a noun)

Our house is getting close to 25 years old.  In the last couple years we've replaced the roof, the hot-water tank, and the guts of the furnace.  Additionally, our living room window tends to leak when precipitation is blown at it, and all the windows have frost issues in the winter when its cold out.  The pipes to our kitchen sink can freeze if we aren't watching them carefully, too.  We've put a lot of concerned thought into our house in the past couple of years.  Upgrades and window replacement costs aren't trivial.

What a dream - to live in someone else's house rent free and not have to worry about mortgage payments or maintenance!  That's what I imagine its like 'dwelling in the house of the Lord.'  Living care-free, debt-free, responsibility-free.  

Dwelling (thought - a verb)

I can also 'dwell' on a thought.  In doing so, my mind rests on a thinking spot.  And its a thought I keep returning to.  A delightful or passionate meditation.  Its like the 'dip' gravity makes in the plane of space-time around a large object like the sun.  Because of this dip, objects are either drawn to the sun, circle it, or keep returning it from a far distance.

Shepherd Dwellings

I assume shepherds in David's day often slept out in the open with the sheep.  A fire would be going for warmth, but I don't think there would be a comfortable 'dwelling' for the shepherd.  One doesn't get a great rest when you have to keep a fire going all night and lookout for predators or strays.  I imagine a dwelling for a shepherd would be like a day off, or retirement.  A place to return to where everyday worries and concerns can be left behind.  Where one can really rest.

The phrase 'I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever' reminds me of Hebrews 11 where, several times the author speaks of heroes of the faith '...longing for a better country - a heavenly one' and '...looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.'  I can totally see that shepherd thinking... longing for that better place to lay his head.  And what better place than a dwelling that is designed, built and maintained by God, the Good Shepherd?

Freebie Thought... Identity

In the 23rd Psalm, there really isn’t much spoken about what a sheep does other than normal living... it lies down, it walks, it eats and drinks. It’s a ‘being’ rather than a ‘doing’. Interesting. Oxen pull a plow or a cart. Horses carry people or pull chariots. Sheep... don’t really ‘do’ anything. Today we’re very consumed with who we are, what we’re doing or what we’ve accomplished, and what people think of us. You don’t see any of that in this psalm. It’s all about who God is and what he’s doing for us.

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - The Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me

Sparks and Smoke at the Sawmill

 I worked as a weekend oiler at a local sawmill in my last three years of high school.  As a grease monkey, my assignment was to ensure the chains and machinery on the outside log decks, cut-off saws, and 2 debarkers were greased and lubricated.  I worked the early shift on Saturdays, starting at 5am and getting off work at 1pm in the afternoon.

There's a lot of potential to get a workplace injury at a sawmill.  We had to be well versed in lockout procedures that turned off the electricity and air (as some of the log kickers were pneumatically powered) and 'lock it off' so someone didn't accidentally turn it back on while you were working in the machinery.  Often times some of the larger machines like the barkers had whole panels of switches (see image below) that one had to turn off to ensure it was safe to work in and around.  For these larger machines, we were trained to turn all the panel switches off, run a cable though them in the off position, and then put our lock on the end of the cable.  That way no one could flip any of the switches back on again unless they had the key for your lock.

MCC Panel

One particular Saturday, I was wrapping up my work on the 26 inch barker and removing my cable from all the switches on its MCC panel.  Once I pulled the cable free, I threw it on the ground so I could wrap it up nicely before turning the switches back on.  As it hit the ground, sparks shot up in the air.  Something around me was electrified and I didn't know what it was.  I surveyed my surroundings, trying to see where the sparks came from. Seeing nothing obvious, I kicked at the cable I'd just dropped and noticed it was 'stuck' - actually spot welded - to a pike pole that was sticking out of a welding cable.  

Pike Pole

Debarker (not installed)

A pike pole is a long pole with a point and a hook at the end, for moving logs around.  They should never be found stabbed into live welding cables.

Realizing I was in danger with this live current around me, I tried to see where/how I could turn off the electricity to the welding cable.  While I was doing that though, the lock-out cable I'd originally thrown to the ground started to smoke, and then burst into flames.  A fire in a wood framed sawmill is a not good at all.  I quickly found a fire extinguisher and put out the fire.  By this time there was a large cloud of smoke at my end of the mill and people came running over to see what was going on.  When I showed my boss what had happened, he was quite relieved I hadn't been hurt and said I was very fortunate as there had been a lot of electrical current energized around me earlier.  God's protection surrounding me!  Psalm 91:9-11

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God's Protection With Vehicles Growing Up

 Remembering how God protected me in vehicles growing up, I'm conscious of how things could have been much worse given the accidents I was involved in.  I've already posted about the very first, worst one here.  With the other three, I think if my position, the vehicle's speed, or the timing had been a little different, the outcome could have been much worse.  I believe that I walked away from these accidents unscathed because of God's protection.

Flipping a Honda ATC

When I was in grade 10, our high school band got a government grant to be part of an exchange program with another high school band on the other side of Canada in Nova Scotia.  We hosted them in our community in BC during a week in February that year.  They played their repertoire of songs in schools and community centres in the area and experienced life in Western Canada.  Then later in May we travelled out to Nova Scotia to do the same.

I was hosted by Kyla Woodworth's family on their apple farm while we were in Nova Scotia.  The farm had been in their family for more than a generation and they had many of the usual tools and implements one would see on a farm like that, including a couple of Honda ATCs.

ATCs were gaining notoriety at the time because, being 3-wheeled, they were easy to flip.  And if a large one rolled on you it could be bad news.  The first full day I was there, Kyla and I took those ATCs out to a back field to burn around.  I had grown up driving a dirt bike, so I wasn't too far out of my element with this motorized trike.  What different for me was steering - on dirt bikes you can steer at speed by leaning and turning the handlebars very gradually.  Leaning on an ATC does nothing except move your centre of gravity.

Returning to the farmstead after burning around in the field, I chased Kyla down a dirt lane that was lined on either side with young saplings.  At one point I found myself going at a good clip drifting towards the saplings on the left side of the lane, so I leaned right.   Nothing happened - I continued my trajectory towards the saplings on the left.  Starting to panic and forgetting steering was different, I leaned further right.  Still no change in direction, and as a result I plowed into those saplings.  Because I was already leaning right, the ATC flipped, landed on me and rolled off.  

It took Kyla a minute or two to realize I wasn't behind her anymore.  I'm sure her heart must've come close to stopping as she drove back to where I was.  There were a couple of fender parts on the ground and the ATC was upside down.  I was a little bruised and muddy, but otherwise fine - God's protection!  She helped me roll the bike back on its wheels and we headed back to her house at a slower pace, and we didn't ride bikes anymore that week.

Dodge Aspen Accident

For a number of years while we were in high school, Mom and Dad had a 2-door Dodge Aspen with a 318.  That car could motor!  Generally Mom drove it, and one Christmas holiday she was driving us to the community ski hill for the day.  My brother and I often got season's passes to the hill during high school and spent most days and evenings during the holidays there.

This particular day there was a bunch of snow on the roads from the snowstorm the night before.  The drive to the ski hill had a significant downhill section with a sharp curve at the bottom.  My mom refrained from pressing the brakes to hard going down the hill to avoid skidding, but unfortunately that meant we had too much momentum to safely make the turn at the bottom.  We fishtailed into the opposite lane going around that turn.  Fortunately, there were no oncoming cars.  Still trying to control the car, Mom fishtailed back into our lane and then did a 180 across the road into a telephone pole.  Again, no oncoming cars had impeded our slide into the telephone pole. God was protecting us with good timing!

Rolling the Toyota

My Dad had a small Toyota pickup that he used as a commuting vehicle for work when we were growing up.  We also used it to haul the wood to heat our house for the winter and go on fishing trips up in the mountains.  It didn't like road salt that much, so by the time my Dad was ready to give the truck to me it was 'well used' and in rough shape.  Originally the truck was yellow, but by the time I got it, we called it 'the overripe banana' because the rust on it made it look.... well, like an overripe banana.  Additionally, the engine wasn't running on all its cylinders - so much so that when I drove the truck to work I had to take a run at larger hills to ensure I didn't slow down too much before getting to the top.

One of the 'fun' things to do in our small, remote community was to take old vehicles out on the logging roads and do fishtails and doughnuts.  We'd 'take our beater out for a dig' - basically all the fun stuff that was not really legal on a paved road.  

The summer after I graduated, right before the August long weekend Dad signed the truck over to me and then promptly left with Mom for a weekend getaway.  I lost no time in picking up Shane M., a friend from school and church, to take the 'yellow banana' out for a dig.  I didn't have a lot of experience doing intentional fishtails and donuts in a vehicle, but did my best trying to impress Shane.  At one point, I found a gravel pit that looked fun to burn around in.  We drove in there at a fair speed and I pulled the emergency brake an yanked the wheel sideways.  As we started to slide sideways, I began to question my judgement as rocks the size of softballs were kicked up over the passenger door by the leading edge of the truck.  Immediately after that the front tire right tire caught an edge, dug in deep, and the truck rolled over onto its roof.  

Fortunately we had our seatbelts on.  I don't think there is a graceful was to unbuckle your seatbelt when your hanging upside down by it.  We got out of the truck, a little scratched from the broken glass, but otherwise fine.  Again, God's protection! I walked to a nearby house and called for help.  The policeman that showed up was my brother's girlfriend's father.  He thought the whole thing was rather funny but warned me it could have been much worse.  Then he called the tow-truck and drove us home.

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Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me

  Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I regularly wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 7 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

Goodness and Mercy Follow Me

One of the 'Dad jokes' in our house goes  "God has three sheepdogs. He's named them: Shirley, Goodness, and Mercy."  I honestly don't remember where I first heard the analogy that Goodness and Mercy are like God's sheepdogs, but it definitely stuck with me.  I love that mental image.

Even trying to sleep last night, though, I found I had 'traded' God's sheepdogs for other hounds called Stress, Worry, and Concern.  They were nipping at my heals for some time before I realized what had happened.  Being self employed and a single income family doesn't make this much easier.

Jesus says we shouldn't worry.  Something I'm finding lately is one of the best ways to combat worry is to be thankful.  More details about my original AHA moment around that on this post.  Its seems its far to easy to end up like the seeds in Jesus' Parable of the Sower which landed on the good ground but were choked by the thorns of 'worries, cares, and concerns of this world.'  

As an adult, I get glimpses every once in a while of what its be like to live without worries, cares, and concern.  Makes me want to be a kid again.  Carefree. 

Being Followed

Goodness and Mercy follow me.  That sounds like it should be a rather passive experience.  Given the context in this Psalm, if I follow the Good Shepherd's path of righteousness I shouldn't have to try and conjure up goodness or mercy in my life - they should just happen.  I'm curious though... does that mean I experience God's goodness and mercy in my life, or God's goodness and mercy overflow out of my life to others?  While its not clear, I'd like to think both.  As I experience God's goodness and mercy for myself, I can't help but share with others.

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - The Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

I Need God's Glasses

Sharp Vision

My wife has 20/20 vision.  I do not.  Neither do our kids.  For years the kids and I thought my wife was overly keen about cleaning things - the bathrooms, the kitchen, our hardwood floor - and then I realized one day that she's like this because she can see perfectly.  We can't.  She'll talk about how dirty a shower is sometimes, and I have literally no idea because I don't wear my glasses in the shower.  Or, just as often, my wife will ask me 'How can you see through those glasses?  They are so dirty!'  No wonder I can't see the dust on our hardwood floor.   :-\   Clear, focused vision is a gift, and I'm definitely missing it.

Focused Spiritually?

It got me wondering - how is my spiritual vision?  Jesus said 'Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.'  How do I see God?  Is my picture of Him as it should be... do I see Him as He really is?  Or is it distorted and out of focus?  Do I let worries and cares distort my perspective of His loving heart for me?  Are my expectations of His involvement in my life out of focus?  What about how I see others and how I see my past?  Is it through the lens of God's grace?

Getting Blindsided

If you haven't noticed, I tend to ask myself a lot of questions.  I think this stems from an experience I had at a Discipleship Training School in Texas back in late fall, 1990.  I actually recalled this in a journal entry this past week...

Dec 3, 2021

“He has called us out of darkness into his marvellous light”. This was the verse that came to me this morning after reading my devotions.  Every time I hear/read this verse it takes me back to ICT (Intensive Christian Training) school at LDM in Texas.  This was ‘the verse’ the school counsellors believed God had spoken over our class.  I was so keen and expectant to hear from God during that time.  

For me the seminal week and day of that schooling was the last day of our Openness and Brokenness week.  We were encouraged to be brutally open and honest with ourselves and the class about sin in our lives in the past and ask God to break our hearts over it - show us how He felt about that sin - and ask for his forgiveness.  We were warned against pride in sharing.  

I had kind of been through an exercise like this informally the previous year at college.  As a result, when I shared that day in Texas I was proud that I could be so open because I 'already had experience at this'. But I certainly wasn’t proud of the bad things I had done.  My attitude, demeanour, and lack of true remorse in the openness and brokenness exercise were perceived as pride - or at the very least, enough of an improper attitude that the leadership excused me from the proceedings for the rest of the day.  This was a shock and it hurt.  I was blindsided.  I felt like I had terribly misunderstood something important and questioned everything.  The counsellors couldn’t have know my heart and the subtleties of my experience.  What they saw and heard must've been more black and white to them.  At the time I wasn’t informed enough and lacked the experience to understand why I had been oblivious to what was really going on.

Why am I bringing this up now?  I see now that even though some of my motivation was wrong, deeper in my heart I wanted to be involved and do the right thing.  I wasn't trying to be intentionally malicious in what I did.  God disciplines those He loves.  He doesn't give us more than we can bear.

I left the classroom that day, not knowing who to talk to or where to go.  I felt exposed and alone (so far from home, too).  All kinds of crazy thoughts go through one's mind after being publicly reprimanded and excused like that.  It was a rough afternoon.  Pride comes before the fall, and I fell hard that day.  

From that point and for many years following, I was much more cautious, hesitant, and less confident in my relationship with God.  I didn't want to get surprised like that ever again.  I consequently examine my motives and my spiritual decisions closely, asking myself a lot of questions. 

Search Me Oh God...

In several places in the Bible God is concerned that His children miss the forest for all the trees - even though they think they can see, they are truly blind to what really matters.  Just like my experience above, we can get a distorted spiritual view of ourselves.  

But God sees me with more clarity and in sharper contrast than I can see myself.  That's probably why David prayed 'Search me oh God, and see if there's any wicked way in me.'  He knew that our hearts can deceive us.  

God made me.  He knows what I'm going to think before I think it.  He's aware of all my foibles and issues, and He wants to help me see some of them a grow into someone who acts and thinks more like Him.  But He needs me to be willing to accept 'His glasses' so I can get a little bit of his view.  

Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup

 Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I regularly wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 6 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

You Anoint My Head with Oil....

I'm not a shepherd, and I never have been.  While I've heard that oil can be helpful on a sheep's head, I don't claim to know that for a fact, so I won't get into that here as it doesn't mean much to me personally.   This phrase does speak to me about a couple of things: resources I need, but that are beyond my ability to control, and the value of 'anointing' to David.

Even in this day and age, both oil and water are valuable resources.  What kind of oil was this - vegetable oil or some petroleum based oil?  Where ever it came from, it was likely purchased by the shepherd.  Since the shepherd anoints my head with it, that means I must also have an intrinsic value to him.  A comforting thought, even if I don't entirely understand the practical use for oiling a sheep's head.

Being 'anointed' had a symbolic and powerful meaning to David.  He was actually anointed to be king and lead God's people (in ceremony) three separate times.  His first anointing was performed by the prophet Samuel.   King Saul was also anointed by Samuel and because of that David wouldn't touch him.  Multiple times Saul tried to hunt David down and kill him, and David wouldn't touch Saul because 'he is God's anointed one.'  I recently re-read the story of David's life in the bible and one of the things that struck me was how adamant (frustratingly stubborn) David was in this conviction of not touching Saul, 'God's anointed one'.  At least, if I was in David's group of men, that's how I would have felt about it.  Clearly though, David believed that God's anointing carried with it a strong connotation of God's authority and protection.  

My Cup Overflows

I've been recently intrigued by imagery in the Bible of overflowing springs, wells, and cups.  The Garden of Eden was watered by a river that split into 4 rivers and watered things.  Where did that river come from - the ground perhaps?  Twice God provided water for the Israelites in the wilderness by means of a spring of water from a rock.  The city of Jerusalem was built around the Gihon Spring (Gihon means gushing), and once David became king he made Jerusalem the capital.  In John 4:13-14, Jesus talks to the Samaritan woman at the well and says, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  And finally the book of Revelation, the last book of the Bible, chapter 22 talks about Eden being restored and a river flowing from the thrown of God.

Considering the value of a resource like water in a place like the Middle East, particularly for animals like sheep, the symbolism of an overflowing cup is extraordinary.   A valuable resource in abundance, provided for me!  Not just for drinking, but washing, and swimming.  Perhaps this also gives me an indication of what the table that God prepares for me looks like?

Oil and water don't mix...

I've made the assumption (hopefully a safe one) in this meditation that the 'overflowing cup' in this Psalm is overflowing with water.  If that is true, one could say that these two valuable resources are drawn from opposite sides of a spectrum, because oil and water don't mix.  Yet, the Holy Spirit in the Bible is represented at different times as water and/or oil.  I haven't really delved into the significance of all that, but thought it was interesting.

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - The Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

Lost and Found... With God

My First Time Being Lost

Getting lost for the first time can be traumatic for small children, but I think its actually more traumatic for their parents.  The first time I remember being lost I was about 5 and my family and I were moving to Vancouver Island.  My Dad was already working there and my Mom, my brother, and I were catching the ferry on our move to be there with him.    

These are not small ferries. The ferry we were on had multiple car decks, probably holding 150+ cars and 500+ people.  I loved ferry rides as they were a nice break from all the driving and still something of a novelty and adventure for us.  

Towards the end of this particular trip we heard the expected announcement telling everyone to return to their cars, so I calmly headed back to our car on the car deck with a crowd of other passengers.  After going down a couple of flights of stairs towards our car deck, I realized that my Mom and brother were not with me.  I thought 'I'll just stop here and hold the door open for everyone coming down.  Surely Mom and Paul will come along soon.'  But they never came.  

After several minutes of holding the door for everyone else, the crowd started to thin and I began to wonder where my Mom and brother were.  Just then a crew member showed up and asked if I was Perry McKenzie.  I said 'Yes' and she replied 'Oh good!  You better come with me then.  Your mother is pretty worried about you."  I followed her up to the captain's office where I was surprised to find my Mom in tears and quite relieved to see me safe and sound.

Now as a parent, I understand the concern, emotion, and potential perils of having a child missing on a large ship like that.  Puts a whole different spin on being lost.  I know - one of the first things a parent does in those situations is pray and ask God for help.  I'm glad God showed His faithfulness to us in that situation: protecting me, keeping me in good spirits, and helping me get found.  

Lost and Found - A Different Perspective

Its interesting to consider that the first question asked in the Bible is God asking Adam and Eve where they are.  Adam responds saying that they intentionally hid from God because they were naked and afraid. Sin separates us from God and makes us fearful and ashamed, like Adam and Eve.  The Bible says in Romans "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God",  so we all come into this world spiritually lost and separated from God - thanks to Adam.  

Jesus came to fix that, and find us.  He illustrates this in several stories you can read about in Luke 15:  The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin, and The Lost Son.  What I find interesting in these stories is the literal 'happy ending.'  The searcher is super happy at finding whatever was lost, and in two cases, throws a party!  Its so special to know God is intently looking for us lost souls and once found, He's so happy in the restored union with Him.

Click here for more true stories of God working in my life