Psalm 23 - Part 4 - The Valley of the Shadow of Death

Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I regularly wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 4 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

Though I Walk Through the Valley...

...of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.  The previous verse says that my Shepherd leads me on paths of righteousness, and that God's reputation (His namesake) is involved in me staying on those paths.  What if His path leads unpleasant places?  Actually, its not really an 'if'.  David didn't say 'If I walk through the valley...' or 'Though I might walk through the valley...'  Jesus said 'In this world you will have tribulation...'   I shouldn't be shocked when bad things happen.  

We face all kinds of 'death' in our lives.  A literal, physical death of a life is the immediate picture that this verse has conjured up for me.  However, recently I've realized that I face many other more common metaphorical 'deaths' that have a significant impact on my life:  Death of a dream or hope, death of a job or career, death of a relationship, etc.

Even though being on God's path isn't a guarantee of an easy, happy-go-lucky life, David says 'I will fear no evil.'  Jesus similarly responds, 'Be of good cheer, I've overcome the world.'  

Similarly, while I'm heading this direction, its in a walk.  I'm not cowering, sneaking, hesitating, or running (all things I might be doing if I was afraid).  To me, walking in this context alludes to being secure and relaxed.  Further to this thought....

Your Rod and Staff..

I wondered for a long time why David would say 'Your rod and staff comfort me.'  A rod doesn't seem like a formidable tool or weapon to me, unless its in the hand of a karate master.  I couldn't see a shepherd using a rod quite like that.

Some time passed, and I was considering how David would have meditated on the Bible.  Psalm 119 gives a detailed picture of how David did this.  Likely he found a lot of parallels to himself as almost all the patriarchs in the book of Genesis were shepherds of some sort.  In Exodus, Moses was a shepherd for 40 years.  He also had a shepherd's staff - one that God continually used to do some pretty amazing things.  Then in the book of Judges, we see God appear in front of Gideon with a staff.  And that staff seems to have special qualities too - throws fire, etc.

I'm sure David made some kind of connection with God's staff and the power of God.  And therein lies, at least in part, the answer to my question of how David could find comfort in God's rod and staff.

...Comfort Me

Finding comfort in an unsafe place.  

We have a large outlet mall near our house.  It is a 2 kilometre walk around the inside circumference of the building.  Some time ago, I was there with my kids on a busy weekend and noticed a young boy about 5 years old who was clearly lost.  He was calling for his mommy and daddy and not getting an answer.  You could hear the emotion start to well up in his voice as his calls became louder and more concerned.  I was about to turn and help him when a uniformed security guard showed up.  He spoke quietly to the boy and offered the boy his hand.  The young fellow immediately calmed down and put his hand in the guard's and they walked off together to the mall's office to find the boy's parents.  This scene really moved me.  It spoke to me of being afraid, but then finding comfort in an authority figure who was bigger than me, protective, in control, and knew where to go and what to do.  Similar to the Good Shepherd.

Even now as a grown up, I often find I need someone in my life I can lean on who is bigger than me, knows all my foibles and concerns, and has everything control even when I don't feel like it.  If I can remember that and centre myself on that thought and in His presence, I find the comfort and protection I need.

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

Being Thankful

 Growing up in church, memorizing memory verses was the 'currency' in Sunday School.  If one memorized enough memory verses you got a prize and a small bit of notoriety.  Similarly in Bible Camp in the summer, if enough people in your cabin memorized a verse it helped you all in the quest to become the winning cabin for the week.

God's Word is powerful and alive, and having it memorized has helped me many times in my life.  'Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.'  Many of the verses I memorized were from the King James Version.  God has used those memorized verses to help me avoid sin, be less anxious, give me guidance and direction, and even help me grow in how to talk and commune with Him.

Something interesting happened recently.  I discovered I'd been 'missing' a piece of a verse I regularly go over in my mind.  I often return to Philippians 4:6-7 during my week, quoting it in my head or when I'm praying in the morning.  But in the last couple weeks I realized I had been remembering/quoting it wrong - for years!   All that time I had been recalling it in my mind and in my prayers as 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication make your requests known to God.  And the God of peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.'  I had been missing a couple of important words:  'with thanksgiving.'

The inclusion of this small phrase in that verse has been rather revolutionary for me.  When I'm thankful, my perspective changes.  My eyes are opened to more of what God is giving me, doing for me, and His involvement in my life.  When I consider my life with a thankful heart, my anxiety decreases, my attitude changes, I complain less in my mind, I enjoy life more, and I become more God focused.  

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Its funny how you can hear talks and read books that encourage you to be thankful, and think to yourself 'Yup, I do that.'  But being intentionally thankful and go looking for things to be thankful about is, I'm finding, something different.  Its changing my outlook and life and my attitude towards God.

Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness

  Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I regularly wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 3 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

He Restores My Soul

'Restore' is an interesting word.  In my mind, the scenario it conjures up is:  a store of something, in this case, whatever a soul stores has been depleted, exhausted, and it gets built back up again.  Re-stored.  Exhausted is another good word.  When I'm tired, no just physically, but combined with all the other ways one can be tired, my outlook on life gets very negative.  I feel depleted, used up, spent, baked, 'done'!  

But God says 'the joy of the Lord is my strength'.  He rejoices over me with singing.  And He restores my soul.  It doesn't often happen in a snap.  Actually, a good sleep is what I need a lot of the time.  There is a lot of truth in the statement 'His mercies are new every morning.'  I can then face another day with a renewed attitude, perspective, and vigour - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  

Update Dec 18, 2023

I recently realized that the restoring mentioned here could also be required because something was lost or taken from you.  The Bible says that the devil comes to '...steal, kill, and destroy...'  

I recently had a situation where I felt like my peace, faith, and trust in a relationship was stolen because of something hurtful that was said directly to me.  As I took time to ponder how this happened and what I could've done differently, I was led to the story of David and Goliath.  When David came to the battlefield to deliver his brothers some food from home, he started asking questions about Goliath.  His oldest brother heard what he was doing and said some pretty mean things, that likely weren't true:

"Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? 

I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; 

you came down only to watch the battle."

1 Samuel 17:28

I don't know what kind of relationship David had with his older brother.  This didn't seem to phase him too much, so perhaps this had happened a lot in the past?  Certainly the first few times this would've hurt.  David would need to be restored on the inside to get past this.  I mean, generally a younger brother looks up to his older brother, but it seems the respect and love in this sibling relationship has been lost/stolen.

I'm sure there's a deeper meaning to David's phrase '...You restore my soul..' than 'Whew, God - I'm tired.'  I'll know I'll read/think about this differently from now on.

He Leads Me in Paths of Righteousness...

...For His namesake.  Isn't it interesting that God ties his reputation to my direction?  The name of God is one of the massive underlying themes of the Bible - its who He is.  The Israelites had all kinds of names for God to remind themselves of who He is.  A person's name in Biblical times was tied to who they were.  God even changed some people's names to give them a new identity (and a new path?) in life:  Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel.  I get a lot of comfort knowing that my direction in life is ultimately guided by God.  If I start to stray, He'll make sure I get back on His path for me.  

When I was younger I used to fret about finding God's will and direction for my life.  I'd get to a point where I'd almost have analysis paralysis trying to discern what God's 'path' for me was.  Now I feel much more secure as I 'commit my way to the Lord..' because '...He will direct my path.'  Prov. 16:3.  Even if I live up to my human nature and get inadvertently distracted or turned around, I can rest assured that God is still in control. Proverbs also says 'Many are the plans of a person's heart, but its the Lord's purpose that prevails.'  God has put His name and reputation on the line as a guarantee.

Another interesting point of note: In the Lord's prayer, Jesus told the disciples to pray '..lead us not into temptation...'  I don't think temptation is a place, but more of a perspective/mind-set.  God intentionally leads us beside still waters, or into valleys of death, and I'm sure a bunch of other curious places.  Because we're human, any of these places has the potential for temptation if we decide to stray away from Him.  Its not difficult to get lazy and complacent beside still waters.  Its easy to fall into despair and depression in valley's of death.  Perhaps Jesus was saying, 'Be aware! Be alert!  The enemy is about, prowling for distracted, sheep whom he can devour.'

November 18, 2023 Update:
I've been thinking more about the concept of 'paths' in association with sheep.  In particular there are several video clips online of a sheep rescued from a ditch that, because there is not dog, or path, or herd to guide it, immediately runs directly back into the ditch.  Paths are important.  They can protect us from hazards like ditches and brambles that we can get caught in (sheep's wool getting stuck in brambles is like velcro).  They show us the way, and not just any 'way', but clearly a way many have gone before.  There is a history there, and that history is important.  The author of the book of Hebrews makes a similar association after finishing their summary of the 'heroes of faith' in Hebrews 11.  The next chapter begins with:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.."
and continuing a bit further down with a reference to Proverbs 4:26:
"So give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways."

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

Psalm 23 - Part 2: Green Pastures and Still Waters

 Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I often wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  This is part 2 of my 'meditations' on Psalm 23.  

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

My initial thoughts around this section of the Psalm centre around rest and food.  Its interesting that the very first thing David highlights in this Psalm that the Shepherd does for his sheep is related to rest.  A good thing to consider while I'm trying to go to sleep.  Stress and rest don't really go together.  A sheep can't get run away from predators fast from a lying down position, so there's an element of trusting the shepherd in the act of lying down.

I think we're a little spoiled with mattresses in our modern lives.  Shepherds and sheep had no such luxury.  A soft, comfortable place to lie down could have been hard to find in the middle east, unless you found a good sized, green piece of turf.

He's not making me lie down just anywhere.  Green pastures would be soft and cool.  They're also full of the best food (from a sheep's perspective) so I'm not concerned about what I'm going to be eating because its all around me.  God takes the stress out of my life, if I trust him.

He leads me beside still waters

Whenever I consider this phrase I have a picture in my mind of a creek/brook a foot or two below the level of the green pastures, with a smooth, waveless current.  The water is crystal clear and trees are scattered around the bank.  Something like this picture, except the banks aren't quite that tall:

The Good Shepherd leads me here!  I am:

• refreshed - the water is cool and flowing over me, 
• cleaned - the water current gently washes the dirt off of me, and 
• my thirst is quenched.  

What I can't connect

So here's the disconnect in my head...  These green pastures and still waters, where did David find them in Israel?  When I go to Google Maps and look at satellite and street views of different places there around Bethlehem where David grew up, I can't find green pastures and still waters.  Not easily anyway.  Was David wistfully imagining this place in his mind, or was the pedosphere (skin of the earth) in Israel different back then?  I don't have an answer to that question, but its definitely something I think about.  

A river in a desert is almost a contradiction of terms.  Water is precious and in most places in the bible people had to dig wells to get to it.  Then they had to haul it home for cooking, washing, cleaning, etc.  It was a significant chore back then, yet we don't consider much these days in developed countries because of our access to water.  We can turn on a tap and there it is.  For a shepherd in David's time and place, having access to a clear, still steam of water would be tantamount to gold.

These questions aside, I take much comfort though thinking of the Good Shepherd making me lie down in green pastures and leading me by still waters.

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 1 - The Lord is My Shepherd
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

Psalm 23 - Part 1: The Lord is My Shepherd

 Often, I don't sleep very well.  I have a hard time getting to sleep, and I often wake up in the middle of the night and then have a hard time getting back to sleep.  One of the things I've found recently that helps me get back to sleep is to meditate on different excerpts from the Bible.  I've been rather fixated on the 23rd Psalm for a while (and my success rate of falling asleep after thinking about it has been pretty good), so I thought I'd do a series of posts on my thoughts on it.  I hope you find them interesting.

'The Lord is my Shepherd...'

I wonder... 'was it a big deal for David to think of God as his shepherd?'  His family, his tribe, and his nation at the time wouldn't even spell the vowels of God's name out of reverence.  Was David perhaps pushing some boundaries with the analogy of his God, his family's God, his tribe's God, his nation's God as a shepherd?  I don't think shepherds were considered the pinnacle of Israeli career development at the time.  I can hear people saying now: 'How can a shepherd be considered wise or intellectual?  They hang out with sheep all day!'  So I'm curious if someone in David's time heard this song (or psalm), and thought: 'Wow, David's going to get some pushback from the religious establishment on this metaphor.'

Shepherd with Sheep - Photo by Biegun Wschodni on Unsplash

But God meets us where we are at, and David understood this.  So David didn't have a problem visualizing God as his shepherd.  As a shepherd himself, this is what David could relate to.  He must have cared for his sheep to have written a psalm like this, likely based off of his experience as a shepherd.  

Jesus didn't have a problem with identifying himself as a shepherd either.  Interesting that He never said 'I am the good carpenter, or the good fisherman.'  He intentionally proclaimed: 'I am the good shepherd, and my sheep know my voice...'  He isn't a shepherd that just shows up for work and does his job - a mercenary, contractor, or hired hand.  He is a good shepherd, ready to lay His life down for his sheep. He is intimately aware of the foibles and idiosyncrasies of the sheep in his flock, and ready to guide them, give them what they need.  

Update Dec, 30, 2023
A shepherd is responsible for his sheep - for their safety, their well-being, ensuring they get the sustenance and shelter they need, etc.  To me this first phrase implies that when I put my trust in God, He in turn, makes himself responsible for me.  And could you find a more responsible entity in the universe?  

'... I shall not want.'

Its interesting how this phrase is part of the opening sentence of Psalm 23...  'The Lord is my Shepherd (consequently) I shall not want.'  In my mind (you can disagree if you like), this provides a context for the rest of the statements made in the Psalm 23.  Since God is my Shepherd, here are the things I don't have to concern myself with anymore.... and David goes on to list them.

I like to read The Message version of the Bible.  It gives a modern twist/taint on what is written there that I appreciate, and sometimes provides me with a perspective I hadn't considered before.  For example, I was reading 'the love chapter' in 1 Corinthians 13 one day, and the middle phrase of verse 4 popped out at me:  '...love doesn't want what it doesn't have...'  I think the original translation is 'love is not jealous', but I thought this was an interesting take on jealousy, lust, and necessity.  The way I read it is more like '...love doesn't care about or isn't concerned with what it doesn't have....'  It provided me with a new lens to read Psalm 23 with.  God is my shepherd and God is love.  As a child of God, I should be full of love, too.  1 John 4:7,8.  And if I'm full of love, I shouldn't be wanting, lusting after, or concerning myself with things I don't have or don't need.  Rather, I should be satisfied and content.  

Great musings, but for me to live like that is, well, let's just say I'm not there yet. 

Other posts in this series:

• Psalm 23 - Part 2 - Green Pastures and Still Waters
• Psalm 23 - Part 3 - Restoration and Righteousness
• Psalm 23 - Part 4 - Valley of the Shadow of Death
• Psalm 23 - Part 5 - A Table in the Presence of My Enemies
• Psalm 23 - Part 6 - Anointed Head, Overflowing Cup
• Psalm 23 - Part 7 - Goodness and Mercy Follow Me
• Psalm 23 - Part 8 - Dwell in the House of the Lord

May 12, 2020 Feeling Sidelined? Consider Leah

Journal Entry - May 12, 2020

Read about Jacob yesterday and thought about it when I woke up last night.  Actually I started thinking more about Leah. I couldn’t help but notice the contrast in how she named her children compared to how Rachel named hers.  She could have easily named her first son 'Vindicated' like Rachel named her first son.  But she didn’t. Instead the names of her boys are more like ‘God sees’, ‘God hears’, ‘God touches’, ‘Praise God’, ‘Lucky’, and ‘Happy’ while Rachel’s boys are ‘Vindicated’, ‘Fight’. Etc.  Leah must have felt unloved/unfavored by Jacob all her life, yet she seemed to see God's involvement, care, and understanding in her life if the names of her boys are any indication. 

(updated June 1, 2023)

Where did Leah learn about God?  Perhaps from Jacob's story of running for his life from Esau and meeting God at Bethel?  Genesis 29:31,32.  "When God saw that Leah was unloved..."  God sees!  He recognizes when we are overlooked, unloved.  And there is a blessing in that!  "...He enabled her to conceive..."  Leah then acknowledged God in that blessing, in the names of her kids.  How could Jacob ignore that?  Every time he called one Leah's boys he had a reminder that God was with them.  She may have been unloved, but she was still an influence in Jacob's life!  An influence he couldn't ignore and I believe he acknowledged in Genesis 35:3 

When Jacob's clan was meeting Esau, Jacob put Leah and her boys ahead (as a protective buffer?) of him and Rachel   Meanwhile Rachel had idols she stole from her father with her on the camel.  I thought this was a rather interesting contrast in who Jacob's two wives seemed to trust.  Leah seemed to depend on God, Rachel felt more secure with her father's idols.  

Jacob also gave Joseph, Rachel's son, second last in the traditional line of inheritance, the first born son's inheritance.  This bypassed all Leah's sons who were older than him.  Leah was, fortunately I think, dead by this time.  Even at the end of his life, Jacob still appeared to favour Rachel.  I'd like to think God had a little different perspective on it all.  Consider this: The line of Kings of Israel, including King David and ultimately Jesus came through Judah (Leah's son), not Joseph (Rachel's son). 

(updated July 1, 2023)  

I just realized today that in Genesis 49, Jacob (in Egypt) asked to be buried with his fathers and Leah - not with Rachel.  Rachel did not get buried with the rest of the family and Jacob specifically calls that out here, at his death.

In this meditation of mine, I felt God encourage me...  Have I felt like I've been in a rough/challenging situation for a long time?  Like Leah?  Like Job? Like David (with the promise of a throne but running from Saul for years)?  Like Paul (with the thorn in his flesh)?  God is using that situation to sharpen me, hone me, refine my character for Him.  He sees.  He hears.  He cares.

  

I thought I'd look and see if I could find some other journal entries of mine where I felt 'sidelined' or 'passed by'.  Here they are:

January 25, 2018

I slept poorly again last night. Thinking about what i should do in my position at work - what I’m not doing that I should. I constantly this unspoken pressure from others with an agenda to do something else (actually, more than once it’s been a spoken pressure with a specific person). I had some ideas how to resolve this, but after that ‘sleep’ last night, I’ve got nothing. Maybe that’s the way God wants me - completely empty and void of anything good I could offer in and of myself. It would only be grumpy me at this point.

Ugh. Worship practice tonite with church. I came home exhausted and frustrated with God because I just feel totally sidelined and a bit whipped - like I get all the wrong attention. ‘Do it this way’ from three different people at practice. I’m tentative on drums because these builds are too long in my opinion and I don’t know when they are going to stop. The young people on the team are ‘it’. Us older people are good for serving, and that's about it... it’s rather frustrating. To sit back and let others lead and they can’t even follow the click without me. I was kind of hopeless when I got home. Just wondering what I’m doing. It’s more stressful than fun. It just seems like I’m hoeing a really hard row right now. Learning humility, again. People at work aren’t convinced and happy with what I’m doing. With music its the same. I was pretty much at the end of my rope and God lead me to Job chapter 7. I could TOTALLY relate to that. Particularly verses 17 and 18. I’m being refined and nope it’s not comfortable and I have idea if this is going to lead anywhere good. But it’s comforting to know that Job felt the same and that God is testing me. Job 23:10.

May 2, 2017

This cold I've been fighting with for the past week is getting to me. Last night was rough. It seems when I get tired it takes advantage. I was tired and frustrated at work yesterday afternoon. I want to provide value, but my boss doesn't want me to experiment much with the infrastructure it seems. All the stories in the sprint are taken up. I felt like dead weight and sidelined...  again. A week after I turned down that great TCPL contract. How frustrating. 

Job 23:8-10 “I go east, but he is not there. I go west, but I cannot find him. I do not see him in the north, for he is hidden. I look to the south, but he is concealed. But he knows where I am going”  

Can I worship God when I don't feel great and things look frustrating?  Worship is not about getting a feeling.  

With All of My Heart....

My thoughts have often been drawn towards the theme of Galatians 6:7 lately.  "Do not be mislead - you cannot mock the justice of God.  You will always harvest what you plant."  In the IT industry, there's an adage that follows a similar notion, and it goes like this: "Garbage in, garbage out."  Simply put, with a week of practice I can't expect to sing and sound like Adam Levine.

I've been inspired in the last couple of years to 'do better' - to actually prepare for things I do in life so that I can do them with all my heart.  Like David in Acts 13:36, I'd like it said of me that 'he served God's purpose in his generation.'

Volunteering for me used to be more like 'filling a position.'  Some group needed someone to do this over here - fine, I could do that, but I don't think I could have said I always did it with all my heart.  I played piano in our small town church when I was in high school.  My Mom played the organ, and often my Dad led the singing.  Reflecting on this now, I'd say probably 85% of the time when I played I did it because it was expected of me.  My heart wasn't entirely into it.  We didn't practice the songs much.  Some Sunday mornings I was a little groggy.  The results reflected that.

My Inspirations
I have three groups of people who currently inspire me to do whatever I do with all my heart:

• My kids.  My teenage son plays drums and guitar quite well.  He's played with the worship band at school for 5 years.  Last summer he started playing with the bands at church.  He's always practiced on his own (we've never had to tell him) and he practices until he nails the song just like the recording.  I never used to do this, I've always gradually improved as a musician.  To some degree I think we inspire each other now...  He definitely inspires and challenges me with his 'next level' dedication to practice and perfection.
  My daughter who is a senior in university writes enjoys writing thought provoking papers for her classes.  She struggled with mono last spring but got the highest grades and the most scholarships from that draining semester where her immune system was fighting hard all the time.  She was also concurrently preparing for her wedding.  Additionally, she got promoted to a supervisor position at her part-time university job because of her diligent work.
• The Pastoral Staff at our Church.  They definitely inspire me with their desire for more of God, and the lives they live in and out of the church.
• The Staff at Bearspaw Christian School.  Their desire to educate the next generation in excellence motivates me.  The teachers volunteering with teams after school are into what they are doing heart and soul and that pushes me to be better in my communicating, educating, and preparation for volunteering I do.

Validation
One thing I noticed when I do something with all my heart - I sometimes still have a need for validation...   When I was younger, this need was more powerful and encouragement was almost intoxicating.  Lately, I'm finding that I'm more caught up in trying to be the best 'whatever' that I can be, and I actually get surprised by compliments - not expecting them sometimes.

Thoughts on Sin (2011)

What is your definition of sin?

Mine, without getting too deep in thought or prose, was 'Something I did wrong that made God sad.' Sin is disobeying God.  Its doing what you weren't supposed to do, or, doing what you were told you

shouldn't do.  Many of us have a set of 'rules' in our minds that we follow - call them morals, your conscience, etc.  If we cross those boundaries, we feel guilty inside.  To me, crossing those boundaries equates to sinning.

But is it really sinning?  What does God define as sin?  I've had some challenging questions cross my mind on this lately, and I'll pass them on to you.

Sampson is a great hero of the Old Testament in the Bible.  Even before he was born, his parents knew he was going to be special. An angel visited them and commanded that he was to be raised a Nazarite.  Nazarites had even more stringent rules to follow that the Israelites.  They weren't allowed to cut their hair, eat or drink anything that came from a vine, and they had to avoid contact with dead bodies - in addition to all the other rules found in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy!  Nazarites were hard-core!  This is the way Sampson grew up.

The interesting thing is, the very first thing that Sampson does as he begins his exploits is take a Philistine wife.  This was a definite no-no according to God's law.  Yet Judges says in 14:4 that "Sampson's father and mother didn't realize that the Lord was behind the request, for God was setting a trap for the Philistines, who at that time were the rulers of Israel."

Interesting.

Sampson was certainly no shining example of how to live a life for God. Looking at the account of his life in Judges, one could easily conclude that he violated his Nazarite vow and God's laws on a number of occasions, was controlled by sensuality, and used his gifts and abilities unwisely.  Yet, in the faith chapter in Hebrews 11, Sampson is called one who "...trusted in God and ...received what God had promised."  So how do I reconcile the things he did during his life with his calling, and what I find in Hebrews 11?  How come God's opinion of Sampson (I would say that is what we find in Hebrews) is what it is?

Continuing to ponder...

Another example.  We all know a lot about the story of David, so I won't go into it in detail.  But consider what David does when he's chased by Saul.  In 1 Samuel 21, David goes to the city of Nob to see Ahimelech, the priest. David lied when the priest asked about why David was there, and then David took the Bread of the Presence for his men to eat.  This was consecrated bread which only priests were supposed to eat.  Technically two sins: the lie, and taking/eating the bread.

Curiously, Jesus used this story about David as an example when his disciples were accused of breaking the law (sinning) because they were picking grain on a holy day, the Sabbath.  Madeline L'Engle in her book Sold Into Egypt, made a comment referencing this circumstance, which in turn, served as the catalyst for the compilation of thoughts in this post.  She said, "Jesus was sinless not because he didn't do wrong things:  he broke the law, picking corn, for instance, on the Sabbath."  L'Engle goes on to say, "Jesus was sinless because He never for a moment separated from the Source."

There is an interesting verse in Paul's book to the Romans.  He makes quite a simple statement actually, saying (14:23) '..whatever is done without faith is sin.'  So if I truly believe I should do something, I'm all good.  But believing isn't enough.  I actually need to DO it.  James 4:17 says: "Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin."  Its a faith/conscience mindset as well as trying to stay in constant contact (communion) with God.  I have to trust that His Spirit of Truth will lead me into all truth.  Trust that God will continue to hold me in His hands even when I make inadvertent blunders that others could consider 'sin.'

I sometimes seem to ignore/tolerate certain 'wrong things' like lying, and eating bread you weren't supposed to.  A discussion like this maybe isn't such a big deal.  Change the context of the conversation a bit, and suddenly this discussion takes on a whole new perspective....

What about abortion?   What about gay marriage?  Do people choose to do these things even when they know they are wrong?  Is it still wrong when they believe its the right thing and they don't know any different?  Am I sinning by judging them?

Honestly, I haven't thought all that through.   Its definitely good food for thought.  There's a lot I haven't covered here.  Wrapping it up, Paul says in Romans "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  That includes me.  I need to receive AND extend God's grace and forgiveness.  And I need to trust that He will show me the things He wants me to do, and the things He wants me NOT to do....  and then be obedient.  Easier said than done sometimes.

My Struggle With The Sovereignty of God (2006)

Maybe when you were growing up, you played with a game called a Labyrinth.  It had a steel ball

that you had to navigate through a maze by means of two dials on the sides of the game.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the steel ball and I don't know where I'm going in life or what I'm doing here.  When I get really frustrated or 'lost' in a sense at a dead-end, I find I often start to blame God.  'Why do other people seem to have it so easy, God....  Why do I feel like I'm stuck in this set of circumstances and I can't get out.. serving you sure makes my life a lot more difficult'  etc.

God speaks to people with attitudes like this in a couple of books in the bible.  Its interesting too, because both texts begin with the same example from Genesis - 'Jacob I loved, Esau I hated.'  Romans starts like this in chapter 9, and it goes on to say in the living translation..  'And God said this before the children were even born, before they had done anything either good or bad.  This proves that God was doing what he had decided from the beginning; it was not because of what the children did but because of what God wanted and chose.'

Whoa.  Is that fair?  Sounds almost like pre-destination to me.

Listen to the writer continue in Romans... 'Was God being unfair?  Of course not.  For God has said to Moses, "If I want to be kind to someone, I will.  And I will take pity on anyone I want to."  And so God's blessings are not given just because someone decides to have them or works hard to get them.  They are given because God takes pity on those He wants to.'

Wow.  So then it seems like I could say that its not fair for God to blame me for the bad things I've done.  Haven't I just done what He made me do?

'No don't say that!' the writer in Romans says (chapter 9 verse 20).  'What are you to criticize God?  Should the thing made say to the one who made it, "Why have you made me like this?"  When a man mades a jar out of clay, doesn't he have a right to use the same lump of clay to make one jar beautiful, to be used for holding flowers, and another to throw garbage into?'

Ouch.  I pondered this a bit more, taking this train of thought...  'Well its easy for God to write in the bible like that.  With the exception of a prophet or two in the old testament, most of the characters in the Bible had happy endings to their stories.  They turned out to be heroes, or God blessed them in some way or another.  So really, the Bible is about people who God had pity on and decided to turn into beautiful flower vases.'

Then God reminded me of a book I had read some time ago by Gene Edwards called 'The Prisoner in

the Third Cell'.  The main character is John the Baptist.  He was definitely chosen by God, but his life was no walk in the park.  He grew up in the desert, and knowing that he was called by God he stayed in the desert, restricting his diet to nothing I would eat.  Then he began his ministry, preaching and baptizing, knowing that he was preparing the way for 'the bridegroom'.  Once Jesus came on the scene, it wasn't too long before John was thrown in prison.  And there he gets one of his disciples to ask Jesus a telling question.  'Are you really the Messiah?  Or shall we keep looking for him." Jesus doesn't try answer John personally.  He says, in not so many words - look at what I'm doing - and finishes his answer with 'Blessed is the one who does not lose faith in me.'  A few days later, John was beheaded.

The Sovereignty of God.  We certainly don't sing about it much in church.  Its not really a message that gives me the warm fuzzies.

Malachi was the other book in the bible that talks about God's sovereignty, also starting with Jacob and Esau.  Chapter 3 ends with some poignant thoughts that seem to echo the thoughts I hear sometimes in my head.  'It is foolish to worship God and obey him.  What good does it do to obey his laws, and to sorrow and mourn for our sins?  For  now on, as far as we're concerned, "Blessed are the arrogant."  For those who do evil shall proper, and those who dare God to punish them shall get off scot-free.'

Of course, the book doesn't end that way.  But sometimes it seems like some days of our lives do end like that.  And you know what?  Be Encouraged!  Even if you do have days that end with thoughts going through your head similar to the audience that Malachi was writing to, at the end of it all, 'The Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings.'  I also take encouragement from a verse Romans 'It God's kindness that leads us to repentance'.  It gives me a reason as to why people who don't currently acknowledge God seem to have it so good.  And finally, keep the faith.  Don't let your current trials push you away from God.  Remember the seed that fell on the good soil, and then let the worries and cares and trials of this life (the weeds) choke it.  Romans chapter 9 ends with a reminder that the Jews 'stumbled over the great stumbling stone.'  And what was that?  'They were trying to be saved by keeping the law and being good instead of by depending on faith ... Those who believe in Jesus will never be disappointed'.

The Omniscience Paradox (Journal Entry Dec 2018)

Bear with me - I'm going to write down all my questions BEFORE I google and try and find the answer, as I think my current lack of an answer helps me write the questions better.

I've been struggling with my faith a bit lately - asking more difficult questions.  At least they are more difficult for me.  I only have one year of bible college and I've never taken a hard-core theology or philosophy course in my life, so keep that in mind and humour me.  Here's an example of one of the 'questions' I struggle with.  I call it the 'Omniscience Paradox.'  I'll need to frame it with a bit of a story to help you understand where I'm coming from....

My daughter is spending this Christmas break with her fiance in Cincinnati, OH.  She had a bit of a cold before she left, so we were a bit concerned as we had to get up at 5am for her first flight and she'd be 'on the road' for about 12 hours.  Originally she was going to stay with friends, but a couple of days ago they discovered that the room she was going to stay in was infested with bedbugs, so that wasn't an option.  Christmas holidays being what they are (family time, etc.) her Mom and I felt most comfortable renting her a self contained Airbnb apartment for her time there.  This put us out a fair bit of cash, but as any parent knows, you can't put a price on things like your daughter's safety and well-being.

Imagine then our disappointment when after travelling for 12 hours, our daughter gets to the

apartment to discover the landlord has just shampooed the floor and furniture that morning (less than 12 hours before, and the carpet and furniture are still damp and there's heavy condensation on the windows.  Sure, its nice that they cleaned everything so thoroughly, but since she has a cold, we're concerned about her well-being.

As a parent, I'm tempted to send a message to the landlord and say something like: "What were you guys thinking?!  She comes to this after 12 hours of travelling and what? Is she supposed to rent a room for the first night or two while everything dries out?  If she catches pneumonia, this won't be the last you'll hear of me!"  My ultimate problem in this scenario?  I'm not in control and I don't know what is going to happen.  The future is unknown to me.  My daughter's well-being is at stake.  I'm up at 3am writing this because I was concerned thinking about her and realized I need to trust God in this situation.  I have to exercising faith and hope that everything is in His hands, praying that His kingdom will come and His will will be done in and through this situation.

Here's where the 'omniscience paradox' comes in.

As Christians we believe that God is omniscient (all-knowing), and omnipotent (all-powerful). I guess my question, in a nutshell is this:  Is ALL of God omniscient and omnipotent, or does He withhold a part of Himself from being omniscient and omnipotent?  Here's where that question comes from....

If I was God and omniscient and omnipotent and my daughter was in this situation, I wouldn't be worried or concerned for a couple of reasons:  I'd know exactly what the future holds, and frankly it wouldn't be an issue because if there was a problem I'd just fix it because I'm all powerful.

The 'omniscience paradox' in my mind - Does God really know what 'faith' and 'hope' are if He's omniscient?  If He's omniscient and omnipotent, why does he need faith or hope?  Everything is already known and available to Him.  To me, that's a paradox.  One cannot be omniscient AND know (experientially) what faith or hope is at the same time.... can they?

* * * * *

Before I google and see what other people have to say about this (as I'm sure someone else has thought about it before), I have a couple of thoughts on an answer....

1. Originally I considered that perhaps Jesus was the 'part of God' where God allows Himself to be not fully omniscient or omnipotent, so that he could say he's 'acquainted with our griefs and sorrows.'  I can't quite grasp how He can fully understand how we feel when He already knows the outcome to everything.  The Bible says a couple of interesting things that seem to point in different directions here:  Col. 2:10 "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in bodily form", and then what Jesus said himself in Matt. 24:36, Jesus talking, said "But that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels, nor the Son, but only the Father."  So... perhaps Jesus is the part of the Trinity that isn't fully omniscient?  
2. I wonder if one of the reasons God wanted to create us (as humans) was so He could experience faith and hope.  Because He's given us free will, He has to 'hope' that we'll all return to Him in the end, and have faith in us believers that we'll do His work until then....?

Having said all of that, ultimately the theology and philosophy are secondary to me.  In my mind, experience trumps both of those.  My daughter had an experience yesterday while travelling that makes it all worthwhile....

She was very nervous about travelling because she gets bad vertigo and on the last trip to Cincinnati there was a fair bit of turbulence.  She was a bit 'undone' the night before the flight - concerned about flying, the connection (it wasn't a direct flight), not feeling 100%, etc.  So we all prayed together about the trip.  As it turned out, she really enjoyed the trip, talking with people, and there was no turbulence.  On the second flight she got a whole row of seats to herself and other than feeling tired, she felt quite well once the trip was complete.  We all saw this as God's answer to prayer.

Denial & Forgiveness - From Peter's Point of View

Our small group has been working through Francis Chan's book 'Crazy Love'.  As my wife and I were preparing for Chapter 4 - The Profile of the Lukewarm, we were discouraged.  It's a pretty convicting chapter, with lots of attention on verses like Luke 12:16-21, Amos 6:1, and Matthew 7:21.  Francis does warn the readers that it was the hardest chapter of the book for him to write.  I was rather frustrated with Francis after reading it, thinking: "How hard is it to put together a bunch of verses and take a hardline approach?"  Some advice here - Please don't read Chapter 4 and put the book down.  Francis does back up what he's saying in other chapters - there's 'real-living' behind where he's coming from.  Additionally, we were reminded of the context of the book - how these life choices and decisions need to come from a place of abandoned love for God and not from fear or guilt.

I was still concerned how small group would go...

We ended up having a great discussion.  I actually felt like God spoke to me (a bit of an 'ah-ha' moment) towards the end of the group.  One scripture I couldn't seem to let go of was Matthew 10:32-33 "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven.  But whoever disowns me (denies me) before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven." 

I was thinking about Peter...   Jesus had called him from a life of fishing to being a disciple.  For three years, Peter had listened to Jesus say truths like this, and watched Jesus do miracles.  Three years is a good chunk of one's life, and Peter thought he was committed.  He believed he had given everything up.  He told Jesus he would 'never fall away' in Matt. 26:33.  Jesus replied saying that Peter would in fact fall away that very night AND disown Jesus three times!  Peter again disagreed.

Then, less than 12 hours later it actually happened.  How must Peter have felt, considering Matt. 10:32-33 above?   Matthew says 'he wept bitterly.'  I know if it was me, I certainly would have spent a lot of time over the next hours and days replaying the whole scenario - realizing that I didn't really know myself.  How could I say one thing so strongly and then relatively quickly turn around and do another?  I'd also wonder what would happen if I ever saw Jesus again... how would I feel, what would I do, but ultimately what would He say and do?

Its the next part of the story that really got me thinking....

In John 21, Jesus had risen from the dead and he had appeared to the disciples, the disciples ended up fishing...  all night, with nothing to show for it.  Jesus shows up and tells them to cast their nets over to the other side of the boat.  When they do, the nets are so full they can't pull them in and they realize it's Jesus on the shore.  What's interesting at this point is what Peter does.  Without hesitation, he leaves his buddies struggling with the nets of fish and swims ashore to see Jesus.

I almost sure that is NOT what I would have done.  I probably would have stayed with the guys, finished the work, and then, once on shore, taken Jesus aside and talked with Him sheepishly.

Peter didn't do that, which tells me he knew something about Jesus that I'm missing....  Something I'm not understanding from my reading of the Bible.

Peter pretty much lived with Jesus for 3 years.  He heard Jesus say all kinds of radical things about uncompromised commitment.  And yet when he blew it (and he blew it, big-time), he didn't cower or put on false humility and stay distant - he went straight to Jesus without ANY hesitation.  For this kind of reaction, Peter must have been convinced of several things:

• Jesus knew and understood who Peter was... and as a result,
• Jesus would accept him with open arms and forgive him
• In all the things that Jesus said, there was an undercurrent and/or foundation of love (that we miss in just reading about the situation).  

John 1:14 says, 'The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.... full of grace and truth."  Its easy to focus on the 'truth' when you read the gospels.  There's definitely some hard-hitting truth there.  I personally sometimes miss the grace.  Jesus was full of truth AND grace at the same time.  I think Peter knew that, and that's why he was so keen to talk to Jesus again.  What a moment that must have been.  

Meditating on this story since small group this week has been encouraging for me.  I hope this is encouraging for you, too.