Thursday, April 12, 2018

July 10, 1990 An Epic Journey

An Epic Journey - Journal Entry from July 10, 1990

Craig and myself standing on rocks by the Clearwater River during our epic bike journey
Craig and myself standing on rocks by the Clearwater River
 during our epic bike journey
Craig, Kelly, and I went for a long bike ride today.  We rode up the Clearwater River Road all the way to the top (37km one way) and back. The mudslide at kilometre 10 still blocked car traffic, so we were on our own past that point.  It was Hot.  Kelly's chain broke at the farthest point we could possibly be from civilization 2 km in on the Sylvia falls trail.  It was a trying day for all of us.  I thought about somethings while I was unwinding later at home that I was not too satisfied with myself about and maybe could have done better.

Somewhere in the past year - I'd say treeplanting, since that is the ultimate test of human fellowship and goodwill, I've started to be totally honest with people about how I am feeling - whether it be in general or about them.  No Filter. Whatever have you.  Craig, I'm sure can verify this.  On numerous occasions I told him outright that I thought he was a cheap jerk who didn't care about anyone else on the job, hinting about his planting partner (me), and who could only think about himself.  I also told him on one occasion that I thought he was so cheap, he didn't have friends - to him they were acquaintances that operated on a give and receive basis.  I always told him this when we were on good terms.  Usually he knew when we were on bad terms because I'd give him a look.  Craig is a good guy at heart, though.

It's funny... it seems that the only time I get in the real ornery mood and I'm honest with people is when we're in a bad situation or I'm tired (physically, mentally - of brain or of the people from hanging around too much).

Kelly at Sylvia Falls on the Mahood River - the furthest part of our journey
Kelly at Sylvia Falls on the Mahood River -
the furthest part of our journey.  Kelly's chain had already
snapped at this point
Today, I was getting tired of the way Kelly was riding his bike after his chain broke.  He'd always cut in front of me just far enough ahead so it wouldn't seem like a bother but I couldn't see the road.  I snapped once but he didn't understand (which was good)  Also, on the way down we were towing Kelly and I was getting real tired.  Him and I were going down a hill with potholes and he was trying to choose an alternate route to what I had chosen.  This resulted in him pulling on the knapsack which I thought was an inefficient use of the hill.  So I said quite audibly 'I hate this'  I didn't feel real bad about it until I thought about it in later.  He had had a bad enough day (he found a wasps nest) as it was.  He sure didn't need me making it worse.  But I was being honest about my feelings.  I think I need God to help me change my feelings back to the way I used to be.  SLOW TO ANGER.  Craig does this well and it impresses me.

Being honest about feelings is good - always try feeling the best of the situation.

2018 Reflections

Reflecting on this day now (2018), its one I'm sure none of us has ever forgotten it.  Not only did Kelly get mixed up with a bunch of wasps and break his chain 37kms away from civilization...  When we got back we biked straight to my house and made milk shakes.  In my tired stupor, I put a large scoop of ice cream in a full, running blender without a lid.  As soon as that scoop hit the blades, the entire contents of the blender exploded out all over the kitchen ceiling.  What a mess to clean up!  We laughed about it, though, and were able to clean everything up before anyone else came home.

I was discovering things about myself that day, that whole summer in fact.  I wasn't as 'good' as I thought I was.  And now, looking at my comments and some of the things I said to people, I'm not proud.

I've definitely noticed in the years since that exhaustion has an impact on my attitude and ability to discipline my thoughts.  If I can help it, I try not to get myself into situations where I'm that tired.

Sometimes I've wondered if the relationships in my life are just 'acquaintances'.  Was that me projecting my fears and concerns about my friendships on others?

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